Wikipedia:Peer review/Star Control 3/archive1

Star Control 3

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I've been working on a few of gaming articles about a classic game series called Star Control. Even though Star Control II is the more acclaimed game in the series, it's a complicated one considering the IP issues and the Ur Quan Masters remake under open source. So I'm focused on this less complicated article first.

I'd ideally like to get this one to good-article, or even featured article status. If there's easy copy-editing that can be done, I encourage people to jump in. I also don't mind doing it, which might be more advisable considering the number of old references from the internet archive and print (which should still be verifiable as they've been digitized in a few cases). Thanks for all the help. Shooterwalker (talk) 17:51, 4 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I am I'm Aya Syameimaru!. I think you should make sure what the article says is the same as what the references say. It's possible to improve the prose so that it's more comfortable to read. I«ias!:,,.:usbk»I 20:11, 28 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I appreciate the feedback and I'm eager to start working on it again. The more specific feedback the better. Let me know if there's certain statements that either need a reference check, or a copy-edit for clarity or flow. It gets trickier if you think the problems effect something bigger than a paragraph... but we can do our best to communicate. I want to work hard to improve this to a higher quality level. Shooterwalker (talk) 22:18, 28 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm also working on an article about another game published by Accolade, Test Drive 4, so this peer review is an opportunity. I didn't expect myself to be the one reviewing this article, I expected someone else to do the same. I«ias!:,,.:usbk»I 02:02, 29 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The refs are inconsistent in that not all of them have the same standards as each other; not all of them have accessdates. Also "yyyy-mm-dd" (1996-08-31) or "Month Day, Year" (August 31, 1996)? I«ias!:,,.:usbk»I 02:21, 29 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That's enough for me. I actually have never reviewed this article. I have only commented in this peer review. I«ias!:,,.:usbk»I 04:49, 29 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

But soon, on a good note, I'll indeed do a proper peer review of this article. I«ias!:,,.:usbk»I 08:56, 29 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Here's the start of my peer review: Be careful about the length of the lead; if too long, then trim it, but if too short then expand it. The lead and the gameplay section calls it an Adventure game (in the lead, "Adventure" and "game" are part of "adventure science fiction video game") but the infobox calls it a Real-time strategy game, there has to be a solution. To quote from one of my earlier comments: "The refs are inconsistent in that not all of them have the same standards as each other; not all of them have accessdates. Also "yyyy-mm-dd" (1996-08-31) or "Month Day, Year" (August 31, 1996)?" While we're on the subject of dates, the release date should be more specific than just simply "1996 (DOS)" and/or "1998 (Mac)". Speaking of DOS, it could've been MS-DOS, could it? Legend Entertainment was an American developer, so this article should've used American English, should it? To quote again from one of my other earlier comments in this PR: "I think you should make sure what the article says is the same as what the references say. It's possible to improve the prose so that it's more comfortable to read." You can make the text more truthful through citation integrity, and copy-edit the prose for higher professional standards. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 12:49, 2 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I wonder why Shooterwalker hasn't edited in a few days. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 14:54, 2 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the feedback. I've been here, just being patient until you had a chance to start the peer review.

I fixed some of the infobox stuff that I missed. I can verify that it is the entire DOS series of operating systems, and not just MS-DOS. I do not see any other issues with the truth and integrity (verifiability) of the citations. But for sure let me know if there's something that looks incorrect.

I'll see what I can do about the reference dates, but there's a tricky thing that some of these are referenced to magazines, which have a release month and not a specific day. I'll have to check in with some other video game editors to see how they handle those. I'll work on that tomorrow, if not in the next week.

I have copy-edited the article several times over. Needless to say, that's why I'm asking for peer review, or else I'm just going in circles without any useful feedback. Specifics would help. Even your comment on the lead is unclear -- so is it too long or is it too short? All that said, I took a shot at editing the lead, and another shot at the gameplay section which had the biggest issues with flow. Shooterwalker (talk) 02:41, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It's all fine what you're doing so far. Still anticipating the rest. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 11:55, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Italicize "Star Control" and "Star Control 3" every time they're mentioned, like look at the "Development" section, make it consistent. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 11:56, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Have you read Wikipedia:Writing better articles (WP:WBA)? It could make improving the article easier. If you haven't read WP:WBA yet, then you should. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 11:59, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm not sure how the quotation marks are part of "State of the Art", I think the name's State of the Art without quotation marks, is it? «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 12:03, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Now that you did things like simplify the genre name into "Action-adventure" and specify the dates, I would like to point out on a good note that "August 31, 1996" is the same day as the release date of Monster Truck Madness (which is unrelated to Star Control 3). I improved the article Monster Truck Madness to GA status earlier this year, it was a success. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 12:10, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Star Control 2" should've been italicized it seems, but look at the Reception section, the PC Games reviewer says "Star Control 2" instead of "Star Control II". You can still italicize "Star Control 2" and "Star Control II" anyways. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 12:14, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

In the "Reception" section there's a pile of two magazine names that have yet to be italicized like the adformentioned "PC Games", which has to be rendered as PC Games, and "PC Gamer", which must be edited to look like PC Gamer. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 12:17, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I think I did it. I fixed all the dates, and the Monster Truck Madness article was helpful as a comparison. Fixed some italicization and other consistency issues too. I'm pretty familiar with most of the standards and have contributed to other good articles before. But it helps to have a second pair of eyes. Do you see anything else? If there are sentences that are unclear I want to try to fix them up, before trying for a good article nomination. Shooterwalker (talk) 22:48, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Italicize "MacHome Journal". Now that my peer review is ending, good luck and have fun! «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 22:53, 3 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for all your help and coaching. Feel free to message me on my talk page if you need any help! Happy editing. Shooterwalker (talk) 00:44, 5 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

You're welcome. «Iias!:,,.:usbkI» 01:33, 5 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]