Wikipedia:Peer review/Spokane, Washington/archive1

Spokane, Washington

This peer review discussion has been closed.

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.

I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to know how to improve the article further.

Thanks, Anon134 (talk) 18:39, 27 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I would start by suggesting the bullet-pointed lists be removed and made into prose. See WP:List for more. That's to start; I'll add more later. • Freechild'sup? 10:24, 2 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

OK, its done now. Thanks, Anon134 (talk) 21:07, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This seems comprehensive, is well-illustrated, seems nearly adequately sourced, neutral, and stable. I have concerns about the prose in places, and that is what most of my suggestions for improvement address. I think you are getting close to FA with this, and I encourage you to keep plugging away. It is very good.

Lead

Rather than repeating Washington five times in the opening paragraph, I'd suggest changing two of the links by using pipes: Seattle and Spokane County. Ditto for Tacoma further down.

History

"a seasonal way of life that consisted of fishing, hunting, and gathering endeavors" - Tighten by deleting "endeavors"?

Spokane House

The Manual of Style (MoS) advises against repeating the words of the article title in the section heads. A possible solution here would be to use "Trading post" instead. Further down in the article, "Spokane metropolitan area" could become "Metropolitan area".
"further south in search of furs, primarily beaver fur" - Tighten by deleting "fur"?
"As the North West Company was absorbed into the Hudson's Bay Company in 1821, the operations at the Spokane House continued until 1825, when they shifted their operations to Fort Colville; afterward the company still remained active in the Spokane region." - Suggestions for tightening and simplifying: "When the Hudson's Bay Company absorbed the North West Company in 1821, operations at Spokane House shifted to Fort Colville. Afterward the company remained active near Spokane."

American settlement

"a small sawmill on a claim located near the south bank of the Spokane Falls" - Tighten by deleting "located"?
"James N. Glover and Jasper Matheney, two Oregonians passing through the region in 1873, recognized the value of the Spokane River and its falls, they realized the investment potential and bought the claims of 160 acres (0.65 km2) and the sawmill from Downing and Scranton for $2,000 each" - Tighten by deleting "two", and clarify by changing the period after "falls" to a terminal period and starting the next sentence with "They"?
"The location of the camp at the river junction was strategic, having the intended goal of protecting the construction of the Northern Pacific Railway, and to secure the location for U.S. settlement." - Suggestion: "The location was strategic, having the intended goals of protecting construction of the Northern Pacific Railway and securing a place for U.S. settlement."
"began shortly after 6:00 p.m." - Constructions like 6:00 p.m. should be glued together with a no-break space to prevent an awkward separation on line-break.
"but the flames jumped the spaces, opened, and soon created their own firestorm" - I'm not sure what "opened" means in this context.
"and the fire exhausted" - Would "extinguished" be better than "exhausted"?
"In the fires' aftermath, 32 blocks of Spokane's downtown were destroyed and one person was killed" - Suggestion: "The fire destroyed 32 blocks of Spokane's downtown and killed one person."
"Spokane became an important rail center because of its location between the Rocky Mountains and the Cascade Range and between mining and farming areas, making it a natural shipping center." - Tighten by eliminating duplication of "center" thus: "Spokane became an important shipping center because of its location between the Rocky Mountains and the Cascade Range and between mining and farming areas".
"After the arrival of the Northern Pacific, the Union Pacific, Great Northern, and Chicago, Milwaukee, St. Paul and Pacific railroads would reach Spokane and allow it to become one of the most important rail centers in the western United States, being the site of four transcontinental railroads." - Tighten perhaps like this: "After the arrival of the Northern Pacific, the Union Pacific, Great Northern, and Chicago, Milwaukee, St. Paul and Pacific railroads, Spokane became one of the most important rail centers in the western United States."

1974 World's Fair

"Upon close inspection, it can be seen where bricks were added on and where the roof used to be." - This sounds like personal research, a no-no. If you have a reliable source for the claim, you can rescue the sentence.
"The clock tower is one of the biggest in the Northwest, with each of its clock faces measuring 9 feet (2.7 m) across." - This needs a source.

Topography

"111-mile (179 km) tributary" - I added a hyphen to the conversion template by using the adj=on parameter, a handy critter.

Climate

"Spokane's climate is classified as being a continental or hemiboreal climate (Dsb)" - Tighten thus: "Spokane's climate is classified as continental or hemiboreal (Dsb)"?
"a cold, coastal type climate" - Tighten by deleting "type"?

Neighborhoods

"Spokane's neighborhoods are gaining attention for their perceived charm and character, as illustrated by the city being home to 18 recognized National Register Historical Districts, the most in any city in the state of Washington." - Peacock phrase. Suggestion: "Spokane is home to 18 recognized National Register Historical Districts, the most in any city in Washington."

Downtown renewal

"The proposed development will directly connect to downtown with bridges across the Spokane River and blends residential and retail space with plazas and walking trails." - "will blend" rather than "blends"?

Economy

"high mining operations" - Does "high" refer to elevation?
"reformed mining districts"- Reformed in what sense?
"A number of companies have located or relocated" - "A number of" is vague. Just begin with "Companies have located... "?
"Due in part because Spokane is the largest city" - Maybe "Partly because"?

Arts and theater

"home to a number of art galleries" - "home to art galleries"?

Events and activities

"home to a number of annual events" - "home to annual events"?
"but now the event averages more than 25,000 participants" - Since "now" is ambiguous and ever-changing, it's better to use something like "as of 2009"
"Other notable events in Spokane include Japan Week... " - This paragraph needs a source. A good rule of thumb is to source every paragraph as well as every unusual claim, statistic, direct quotation, or anything apt to be challenged.

Public transportation

Many of the older side streets in Spokane still have visible streetcar rails embedded in them to this day, as they were never removed." - Personal research?

Images"

The image licenses look OK to me except the one for Image:Spokanefallsm05.jpg, which appears to be a derivative work that does not identify the source. It won't survive scrutiny at FAC without source information that a fact-checker can use to verify the copyright tag.

I hope these comments prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. Finetooth (talk) 07:22, 5 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your time, Finetooth. Anon134 (talk) 21:31, 5 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Dtbohrer

"...since the Treaty of 1818 ended...", comma needed after "1818"
"The U.S. Pavilion and the clock tower are prominently featured in the park's logo.", Is it necessary to have this sentence? It would make more sense to be included in the park's article.
That nightime panorama of Spokane would probably look better if was placed in a {{Wide image}} template, similar to the other panorama directly above the "Sister cities" section.

You may wish to look other similar articles like Seattle or Vancouver that are Feautured to use as models. --D.B.^{talk•contribs} 03:13, 6 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your time, DB. Anon134 (talk) 04:47, 6 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article has been reviewed by multiple editors and I have seen what needs to be done, so Im closing the peer review now. Thanks to all who participated! Anon134 (talk) 05:37, 6 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]