Wikipedia:Peer review/Sinistar: Unleashed/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want a final polish before renominating at FAC.
Thanks, — ΛΧΣ21™ 23:17, 5 October 2012 (UTC)
- Comments from ajmint
- Lead
- I would drop the second "was" in the second sentence
- "originally titled Out of the Void": "envisioned as" is unclear
- I would drop "aforementioned"
- Link Midway Games?
- Would drop the comma before "and calling the game"
- Would drop "the" before "similarities", since they aren't mentioned previously.
- Gameplay
- "Like its predecessor"
- I would say "giving the player the ability to maneuver"
- "making a total of 29 levels"
- I would put a paragraph break before "The player is given a starship"
- "
and they aretasked with powering" - The serial comma makes "white, pink, and red" sound a bit clunky
- I would split up "onto" as the "on" is part of the verb phrase "to move on"
- "from which to choose", with two 'o's, although I would use "to choose from"
- Development
- I would reword the final sentence to "In their book Computer Gamer's Bible, Mark L. Chambers and Rob Smith noted..."
- Release
- I would link THQ in its first prose appearance
- Comma after "general manager of GameFX"
- Perhaps clarify what "gone gold" means?
- Reception
- "complimented its graphics and the addition of": I don't think "as well as" warrants a comma
- References
- All of the references use a British date format; consider reformatting them to put the month first, as in the Release section, because this is an American game
- The -- in ref 4 and the - in ref 9 need to be replaced with an en dash (–)
I also gave the article a run through AWB; for future reference, you don't need to italicise the work in {{cite web}} and {{cite news}} as the templates do it for you.