Wikipedia:Peer review/Sennacherib/archive1

Sennacherib

I've listed this article for peer review because I hope to bring it to FA eventually - it has recently undergone a copyedit and has already passed GA. Sennacherib is by far (only rivalled by Ashurbanipal) the most famous Assyrian king, remembered as an aggressive "enemy of God" thanks to the Bible. The real Sennacherib was superstitious, had daddy issues, preferred building stuff over conquering nations and was plagued by constant insurrections instigated by his arch-enemy, an ex-king of Babylon.

Thanks, Ichthyovenator (talk) 22:31, 18 September 2020 (UTC)

NOTE, when you close this peer review, please be sure to remove it from Template:FAC peer review sidebar. If FA regulars have to do all the maintenance, they may stop following that very useful sidebar :) Good luck, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:35, 25 October 2020 (UTC)

Comments from SG

I have cleaned up the mess on article talk to consolidate old events to Template:Article history; it would be grand if other editors learned to do this, as the bot that used to roll every template into articlehistory is no more.

Will add more commentary as I read. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:35, 25 October 2020 (UTC)

• Check your ps and pps, sample, Barcina Pérez 2016, p. 9–10.
• Review MOS:CAPTIONS, no punc on sentence fragments.
• MOS:SANDWICH (eg First Babylonian campaign section, gates of Jerusalem, Construction of Ninevah, )
• Review text for overuse of however.

No more nits to pick-- competent writing, worthy FAC candidate. I cannot comment on content-- not my area. Good luck, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:14, 25 October 2020 (UTC)

@SandyGeorgia: I've amended the article based on your suggestions, thank you for taking a look! :) Ichthyovenator (talk) 23:35, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

Comments from Jr8825

Apologies for the very long delay in getting back to this. I'm making a small start today. I'll leave some suggestions here and make some smaller tweaks directly to the article. Jr8825 • Talk 00:45, 17 November 2020 (UTC)

Lead

• is among the most famous of all - seems a bit wordy, considering it's the second sentence. How about "is one of the most famous" or "is among the most famous"?
• Other events of his reign which secured his legacy throughout the millennia following his death include - again, seems a bit too long-winded. Since you've already mentioned that he's one of the most famous kings, I would cut this down to "other events of his reign included"
• The third para jumps into discussing why the Levantine War of 701 BC was necessary, without really explaining what the war was. It seems to overlap with the para before, which discusses how Marduk-apla-iddina probably instigated the rebellion that led to it. The war needs to be properly introduced, and I think the contextual connection should be a bit more explicit. Perhaps adding small subclause to the second para will resolve this: ...probably instigating Assyrian vassals in the Levant to rebel, leading to the Levantine War of 701 BC, and successfully...?
• More generally, the lead seems a tad too long to me, but this may be subjective.

Background

• Though the most popular historical view has been that Sennacherib was the son of Sargon's wife Ataliya, this is probably impossible. - maybe better as "Historically, the most popular view has been that Sennacherib was the son of Sargon's wife Ataliya, although this is now considered unlikely"? (is my interpretation of the existing wording correct?)
• If Sargon were the son of Tiglath-Pileser and not a non-dynastic usurper, he would probably have lived in the royal palace at Kalhu for several years before becoming king. Sennacherib would then have been born at Kalhu, where he would have grown up and spent most of his youth. I found this phrasing a bit repetitive. I think it would be better simplified to "If Sargon were the son of Tiglath-Pileser and not a non-dynastic usurper, Sennacherib would have grown up in the royal palace at Kalhu and spent most of his youth there."
• By that point Sennacherib, who served as Sargon's crown prince and designated heir, had already left the city - by what point? It's not clear as the previous sentence ended with him moving to the new capital at Dur-Sharrukin.

No worries about taking a lot of time; I've been quite busy over the last few weeks so a delay worked in my favour as well. I've amended the article based on your input so far. Ichthyovenator (talk) 23:14, 17 November 2020 (UTC)

Sennacherib as crown prince