Wikipedia:Peer review/Schloss Eggenberg (Graz)/archive1

Schloss Eggenberg (Graz)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I'm new to Wikipedia and this is my first article so I am looking for feedback on all aspects of it. Thanks, Smf77 (talk) 08:02, 13 September 2009 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: First, let me say that if this is your first Wikipedia article, it's pretty impressive. My own first attempt was absolute rubbish. It takes a while to learn all the forms and procedures that are necesssary in making Good and Featured articles, but I'd call this a promising start. There are, as you would expect, numerous issues which require consideration or attention. I hope you will accept these comments in the spirit of constructive criticism. Meanwhile I have raised it to B-class which I think is a fairer reflection of its standard.

• The article is very lightly cited: only 18 inline citations in an article of c. 2,500 words. Whole sections have no citations at all. Up to ref. [11] the level of referencing is reasonable, but thereafter it is very sparse indeed. As a rule of thumb for referencing you can apply the following rules:-
  • Every paragraph should have at least one citation, generally at the end, supporting the pararaph's main content
  • Every direct quotation within a paragraph needs to be specifically cited to its author,
  • Every statement that might be in any way contentious, or subject to challenge, needs to be
• Non-neutral tone: Parts of the article read like the editor's own opinion or interpretation. These statements should either be cited to sources, or rephrased in neutral language. Examples:-
  • "At first glance Schloss Eggenberg presents itself as a uniform, new construction of the 17th century."
  • "...three exquisite East Asian cabinets..."
  • "The various owners and builder-owners have always looked at the palace and at the surrounding gardens as corresponding elements."
  • "This had the unfortunate consequences of singular elements of the garden being torn-out..." etc
  • "During mating season, the loud cawing of the males as well as their brilliant plumage adds an exotic flair to the splendor of the park..."
• Images
  • The article is somewhat overwhelmed by images. Mostly they are rather beautiful and I can understand a reluctance to lose any, but you might want to consider whether they are all necessary.
  • In particular, you should study WP:IG carefully, concerning your use of a gallery.
  • Image:2002 Austria 10 Euro Eggenberg Palace front.jpg lacks a fair use rationale. In any event no such rationale would be accepted since, unless every single one of these coins has been destroyed, the image clearly is replaceable.
  • Image captions should start with capital letters
  • Images should have Alt-text. SeeWP:ALT for further details
• Prose: I have not carried out a detailed prose check, but I wonder to what extent you have adopted the prose of your sources rather than paraphrasing it? For example, sentences such as "With its construction and accouterment history, it exhibits the vicissitude and patronage of the one-time mightiest dynasty in Styria, the House of Eggenberg" sound like something from a textbook. Likewise: "With his new residence, Hans Ulrich von Eggenberg, the mental inspiration behind the complex program, realized an architectural concept deeply influenced by the humanist notions of magic as the praxis of natural philosophy and of the rational order of the world." If these are your own constructions I apologise; otherwise, the article needs to be rendered very largely in your own words, with limited verbatim quotes clearly cited to source.
• Article construction
  • Literature section: The first item listed is a film, which cannot be described as "literature". I suggest that this section is retitled Sources. Its correct position in the article is after, not before, the Notes and references section
  • Further information: This might better be described as "Further Reading", and should be placed after the Sources section.

Thus the order of the final sections should be; Notes and references → Sources → Further reading

• Manual of Style issues: I'm not sure I've picked up all of these, but here are some that I've found:-
  • Citations should, as far as possible, be placed at the ends of sentences. If unavoidably in the middle, they should be after punctuation.
  • Book references should be in the form of author's name and page number, not book title and page number. For example, "Wedgwood, p. 60" not "The Thirty Years War 1961, p. 60
  • Values under ten should be written as text, not numerically, thus "seven" not 7
  • Dates should be in cardinal not ordinal form, thus "November 26" not "November 26th"
  • Section title: "Notes and references" not "Notes and References"

That's plenty to be getting on with. Please feel free to contact me via my talkpage if you have any questions arising from these comments. Brianboulton (talk) 20:24, 22 September 2009 (UTC)