Wikipedia:Peer review/Sandringham House/archive1

Described as "grim", "frenetic" and compared unfavourably to a station hotel, Sandringham House has not had the best architectural press. But it has an interesting history as the private home of every twentieth century British monarch and the scene of the deaths of two of them. The absence of any interior shots is disappointing but photography isn't allowed within the house. Any and all suggestions for improvement most gratefully received. KJP1 (talk) 21:33, 5 July 2018 (UTC)

Comments from TR

• Capitalisation of job titles

We have some inconsistency of practice. Being very old indeed I tend to capitalise lavishly, ignoring modern trends (and even the MoS to some extent). But whatever your preference it should be applied consistently. Here – not an exhaustive list – are some examples of in-and-out running:

• the Queen's father
• On the king's death
• ground the prince
• Prince Consort
• from the Prime Minister
• the Prince's wife
• The King himself fell ill
• the King and his family
• The king's body
• the late King's Assistant Private Secretary
• the late King's personal assets
• only visit to the house as King
• The Duke has worked

Similarly, we have "Royal Family", "Royal family" and "royal family" at various points. Other points of capitalisation follow, below, with other suggestions – nothing of any great moment.

• Y - Hope I've caught all of these but I bet I've missed some. KJP1 (talk) 09:52, 8 July 2018 (UTC)

• Lead
  • "deaths of two monarchs, the Queen's father…" – I'd make the comma a colon; otherwise this could be four deaths, not two.
  • "finest shoots" – you could make the link more specific: Hunting#Shooting traditions
  • "the first ever Christmas" – it doesn't bother me, but some people get very worked up about "first ever", maintaining that it should be just "first". Personally I think the emphasis that "ever" gives here is useful, but be prepared to repel boarders at FAC.
• Edward VII
  • "eldest son and heir, Prince Edward" – unusual way of naming him. I'd expect "Prince Albert Edward" or, more correctly, "the Prince of Wales".
  • "and his father, Prince Albert determined" – comma after "Albert" to close the subordinate clause?
  • "In 1861 … the Marlborough House set" – is there a contradiction here? Bertie did not move into Marlborough House until 1863, after his marriage. I don't think there was a Marlborough House set in 1861.
  • "estate's most recent historian, Helen Walch" – WP:DATED. (Besides, isn't the most recent historian currently KJP1?)
  • "advisors" – shipped over from America? No British advisers available? Ferdinand de Rothschild is an adviser, later on.
  • "the Bachelors' Wing" – should this be capitalised?
  • "was up-to-date in its facilities" – I think one only hyphenates such phrases if they are used attributively: thus, "it had up-to-date facilities" but "the facilities were up to date".
  • "Water Tower" – more dubious capitalisation
  • "rectories" – plural? Were there several parishes on the estate (and all with rectors rather than the more usual vicars)?
  • "As importantly" – says who?
  • "The slaughter of game birds" – my first thought was that this is a touch judgmental, and that a more neutral term for their killing might be preferable, but I see the leading definition in the OED is "The killing of cattle, sheep, or other animals for food", and that certainly covers all that shooting of game birds.
  • "traveling in Royal trains" – with their American advisors, no doubt.
  • "Queen Elizabeth … has breed a number of winners" – "has bred?"
• George V
  • "the Royal Christmas Messages" – even I might hesitate to capitalise that phrase.
  • "Assistant Private Secretary" – caps?
• Edward VIII
  • ""Tommy" Lascelles described the inheritance" – just the surname at second mention, I suggest
  • "He did ask his brother, George" – reads a bit like the King James Bible – perhaps just "he asked"?
  • "not part of the Crown Estate" – you don't want a long discourse from the former librarian of the Crown Estate – i. e. me – but the properties held by the sovereign in right of the crown were not called the Crown Estate until the 1950s. In 1936 they were called Crown Lands. But I cannot deny that the anachronistic use of the current label makes things clearer for the reader than strict accuracy of titling would, and I'd be inclined to leave this as drawn. I doubt if anyone will object at FAC, and I'll weigh in if they do.
• George VI
  • "the King made improvements to the gardens surrounding the house but, as traditionalist as his father, few other changes were made to the estate" – There's a construction that misfires here. It will only work if you make the king the subject of the last bit: "he made few other changes to the estate".
  • "The operation was carried out at Buckingham Palace" – not sure how relevant that is to the history of Sandringham.
• Queen Elizabeth II
  • Section heading: HM gets "Queen" before her name, but her predecessors' section headers don't have "King".
  • "modernisation of the interior of the house, and the removal of a range of ancillary buildings, was carried out" – two things were carried out, so a plural verb is wanted.
  • "In 1977, the year of her Jubilee" – her silver jubilee. There have been others.
  • "Prince Philip has spent increasing amounts of time" – who is Prince Philip? Is he related to the Duke of Edinburgh? Foreigners and other benighted souls may not immediately identify the one as the other.
• Dining room
  • "painted light green by Queen Mary" – the admittedly pleasing image of Queen Mary with a paint-brush in one gloved hand and a can of Dulux in the other could be avoided by changing "by" to "for".
• Appreciation
  • The last sentence of the section ends with a phrase that has opening quotation marks but not closing ones. I think it could also do with an in-line attribution, or it looks a bit lost.
• The Upper Lake and The Nest
  • "Comptroller" – capitalisation?
  • "having provided uneconomic" – "proved", I presume.
• Anmer Hall
  • "purchased by Edward VII in 1896" – he wasn't Edward VII in 1896.
• Appleton House
  • "The King's Private Secretary "Tommy" Lascelles" – repetition, unnecessary I think, of Lascelles's job title and nickname.

That's all from me. I think you have done the house and estate full justice. Please let me know when you go to FAC. – Tim riley talk 08:32, 8 July 2018 (UTC)

• Y - Many thanks indeed. All actioned. KJP1 (talk) 09:52, 8 July 2018 (UTC)

Tim riley - Many thanks indeed for the usual thorough review. All very valid and helpful and I shall Action them This Day! Best regards. KJP1 (talk) 08:53, 8 July 2018 (UTC)