Wikipedia:Peer review/Rosanna Wong Yick-ming/archive1

Rosanna Wong Yick-ming

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to see if any improvement can be made and I believe this article meets the FA's requirements. This is my first time to nominate an article to the peer review. All comments and advices are welcomed!

Thanks a lot, Clithering (talk) 18:26, 29 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. I think this needs a fair amount of work to get to FA standards.

While I like the image of her name in Chinese, I think most readers would expect to see an image of the person herself in the lead of an article. This also follows the Manual of Style, which asks that an article start with an image in the upper right corner (and there is an image of her later in the article).
Biggest problem I see with this at FAC is Criterion 1a, a professional level of English. This needs to be cleaned up to meet that standard, for example Wong is the fourth child in the family. She has four elder sisters and two younger sister and brother. The last part should be "a younger sister and younger brother" (I think). Plus, if she has four elder sisters, doesn't that make her the 'fifth child (not the fourth)?
Article has an awful lot of red links - I believe it violates the MOS to have a red link such as the one in the "Social work career" section See also: Hong Kong Federation of Youth Group
Disambiguation links are to be avoided too - Dame in the lead is one dab.
I would be consistent as to how she is referred to - in most places it is just "Wong", but there also places like Dame Rosanna was married to her husband, Dr Alfred Tam Yat-chung, who was a physician specialized in pediatrics on 15 September 1979.
Spell out abbreviations before their first use - see the CPPCC National Committee of the People's Republic of China. in the lead as one example
Watch out for peacock language - try to make the article more encyclopedic in tone. Generally the examples themsleves prove the point - Show, Don't Tell and WP:PEACOCK See for example "brilliance" in Wong's brilliance as a social administrator was soon noticed by Governor Sir Edward Youde. In 1985, Sir Edward intended to reform ... (I would just say "In 1985, Youde intended to reform ...

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:01, 10 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for your useful and informative comment! And Sorry I haven't had the time to response to this since my university's new semester has begun. I agree your comment and changes will be made according to your suggestions (but for the photo, sorry that I find no copyright-free photo available and I do not think the only photo of her used in the article is suitable to be displayed in the opening section). --Clithering (talk) 18:02, 22 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]