Wikipedia:Peer review/Rihanna/archive1

Rihanna

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to make it a least Good Article. All other superstars (Beyonce, Britney, Gaga) have a GA biography, I also think RiRi deserves it. Thanks to the reviewer that can help me in this. I would be greathful Thanks, Tomica1111 (talk) 10:37, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I wrote on my User page ages ago that I want to make the Rihanna bio a GA. Plus Tomica, it's far to early to do it in my opinion. All of info is derived from the albums and singles articles, it would only make sense to wait until more of her articles have been promoted to GA so that more info can be found. How can the Rihanna article be made a GA when so many of her articles are in such a bad state still? Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon! 13:46, 30 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, like look, I have never seen that you have wrote that you want to make Rihanna's article a GA. You made a bunch of them, and never seen that you want to put this one for review. Btw this article, uses only the main things from other Rihanna's article (songs, albums) so it means it could be made. And I'm asking just for peer review. This is not a nomination for GA. Tomica1111 (talk) 22:22, 30 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Quick comments by Efe

Beware of placement of quotation marks such as this one "Stop and Think." A guide can be found here. --Efe (talk) 12:44, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

{{doing}} Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 23:51, 24 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The PR bot closed the review because of practically no activity in the past month. So if you are going to comment, at least write something. Calvin • ^NaNaNaC'mon! 11:14, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I apologize that it has taken so long to review this article. Thank you for your patience. FYI, the PR bot will archive this PR now after 2 days of inactivity (no edits - minor edits do not count as activity) as it is over 30 days old. Thanks for your work on this and here are some suggestions for improvement.

A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. As you note there are many music bios of good article quality, and there are quite a few music biography FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Music_biographies
This PR page has a toolbox - the dab link checker finds two dab links that needs to be fixed here. These would need to be fixed before GAN or FAC
The PR toolbox also has an external link checker, which finds 10 or more dead ELs here. These would also have to be fixed for any GAN or FAC. If there is a link to a print source like a newspaper, it can stay in (as a print source is theoretically accessible at an archive).
Looking at the lead, since it is supposed to be a summary fo the whole article, it does not have to have references except for direct quotes and extraordianry claims.
I would drop the word "simply" from the first sentence as it seems a bit POV
I would add the year to She subsequently signed a contract with Def Jam Recordings after auditioning for then-label head Jay-Z.[2] See WP:PCR
Watch tense - this has past (released, peaked) and present (features) tenses in the same sentence In 2005, Rihanna released her debut studio album, Music of the Sun, which peaked in the top ten of the Billboard 200 chart and features the Billboard Hot 100 hit single "Pon de Replay."
I would also give the actual chart position reached (which peaked at number ten in the Billboard 200 chart) and not the more vague "in the top ten"
Ditto for which peaked within the top five
I would qualify extraordinary claims with the year, so [As of YEAR] Rihanna has sold more than 20 million albums and 60 million singles[5] which makes her one of the best selling artists of all time.
There are major problems with references - I went to curent ref 5 to see the year. It is from the German MTV website, but at the bottom of the page it says that the text is taken from the German Wikipedia - see "Ursprüngliche(r) Autor(en) des verwendeten Textes." which links to the German Wikipedia. Wikipedia (and mirror sites) are not reliable sources
Many of the refs cited are not complete in providing the required amount of information needed. For example, internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
Use a decimal point (7.3 million), not a comma As of March 2010, Rihanna has sold approximately 7,3 million album units and over 33.7 million digital singles in the United States
Watch WP:OVERLINKing - I would only link words that the average reader does not know, or that add value to the reader. I am guessing the average reader knows what an ambassador is.
The language is pretty rough and needs a copyedit. Just in the early life section there are the following issues (not a complete list, just some I picked out).
- This makes it sound like her mother was retired when Rihanna was born, which seems doubtful (most retired women are past child-bearing age) Rihanna was born Robyn Rihanna Fenty on February 20, 1988, in Saint Michael, Barbados, to Monica Braithwaite, a retired accountant,...
- Saying the eldest of three siblings implies her brothers have the same parents as she does The eldest of three siblings, she has two younger brothers from the same two parents, Rorrey and Rajad Fenty.[15]
- This has so many problems I am not sure where to start During her parents' marriage, she suffered from excruciating headaches that doctors thought she had brain tumour and underwent several CAT scans from the age of 8 till her parents separated.[20]
- Her two bandmates are mentioned, but not that she was in a band (not super clear the trio was the band, assume so)
Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:58, 28 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]