Wikipedia:Peer review/Ravi Shastri/archive1

Ravi Shastri

I would like to get feedback, and suggestions to improve this article Tintin 00:29, 23 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Looks like a very thorough and well-researched article - as evidenced by the references, which are well used. I know little about the subject, but this is the sort of article I'd want if I needed to read up on him. The language could do with brushing up in places, which I'm happy to help with (I'm a member of Wikiproject Cricket too). I would also say that the images are quite grainy - but I don't know where the FAC voters would stand on that. But on the whole, it's an impressive piece of work.

Good luck! --HighHopes ^{(T)⋅(+)⋅(C)⋅(E)} 20:09, 23 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments. Feel free to improve the language. The resolution of the images were reduced to avoid copyvios.

It was in 1984/85 that I started following cricket, which is the reason for the long sections on that season and my admiration for Shastri :-) Tintin 20:52, 23 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I should have added - I personally think part of the problem with some of the language is that some of it is journalistic rather than encyclopedic (I've had edits reverted before for this very reason). I'll go through it tomorrow (Saturday). --HighHopes ^{(T)⋅(+)⋅(C)⋅(E)} 23:18, 23 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I briefly went through it and here are my preliminary findings:
- As HighHopes says, it needs to be copyeditied into the encyclopedic tone.
- The inline links and notes are both mixed up. Use only notes.
- Those images should have a caption
- Didn't Shastri have a tiff with Azhar?
- I believe that during the India-Pak match in 1997, (It was May; celebrating the Golden Jubiliee of India's independence), RS was felicitated for something. I'm not too sure.
- There should be no subheadings under =Facts and Figures==
- Merge ==Epilogue== under another heading. Its too small.
- There's very little info on his commentating career.
- Audio?
- All names should be introduced: Dilip Vengsarkar --> Indian batsman Dilip Vengsarkar; Shane Warne ---> Australian leg spin bowler Shane Warne
I'll deep review after it is copyedited. =Nichalp «Talk»= 14:16, 25 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Replies
The inline links and notes are both mixed up. Use only notes.
Those images should have a caption
There should be no subheadings under =Facts and Figures==

Done

Merge ==Epilogue== under another heading. Its too small.

Merged with Last days in cricket

All names should be introduced: Dilip Vengsarkar --> Indian batsman Dilip Vengsarkar; Shane Warne ---> Australian leg spin bowler Shane Warne

Done as far as possible. In some cases the identity of the cricketer is obvious from the context.

Audio?

Added in Notes. Did some looking around and there seems to be no decent way to add voice samples.

Didn't Shastri have a tiff with Azhar?
I believe that during the India-Pak match in 1997, (It was May; celebrating the Golden Jubiliee of India's independence), RS was felicitated for something. I'm not too sure.

Shastri was supposed to be unhappy under the captaincy of Azhar and I have seen this documented (probably in Raju Bharatan's article mentioned in the references). For the other one too I have magazines from that time. But at the moment I don't have access to my sources and it will be a few more weeks before I can investigate them. I'll add a note a in your talk page when I am able to find something.

There's very little info on his commentating career.

Hmmmm... Any suggestions on what to add ? I can only think about a reference to Shaz and Waz :-)

As HighHopes says, it needs to be copyeditied into the encyclopedic tone.

This one really worries me. I got the same feedback from someone else for my other long article. Can you please cite some examples. (Hopefully HighHopes will also do something about this)

Thanks, Tintin 23:26, 25 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Some more:

I wonder if ALoan would be willing to cpedt this article.
Convert all hyphens (-) to dashes (–). Use –

Done

metric equivalents are needed.

His height of 6' 3 is eqvt to 1.91m. Trying to whether his height in metres is mentioned somewhere.

Commentary: Add the TV ntws he worked for. Shaz and Waz

Added S&W. He was an employee of WorldTel but this is a hazy area.

...Context is concerned: Not all people follow cricket, so its best to introduce the players' nationality and cricketing speciality.
You can spice up the page by making colourful statistics charts. See Economy of India for some chart ideas.
Those image captions should be modified to: Ravi Shastri on the cover of Sportstar etc. As its fair use.

Done

=Nichalp «Talk»= 07:27, 26 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Note to Nichalp - I'll fix all these in the course of a few days. At the moment, I don't have a connection at home; I am new at where I work, so can't appear to be browsing around too much in the first few days. Sorry about this. Tintin 11:56, 27 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Tintin, I've started the copy edit (up to Champ of Champs) but will resume it later. What I would suggest in the mean time is that you trim the article - there were quite a few references to what other players did during cricket matches, which I personally don't think belong in an article that is already 7KB over the suggested limit. I took some of these out - see the changes on the articles history - and would say that removing further sentences that go off on a tangent would greatly improve the article. About half-way through the article, it says that Shastri was now 23 years old - while the detail is commendable, it maybe a bit too much for some.

I would also comment that an awful lot is made of Shastri's record-setting - occassionally there is too much of this and it sometimes reads like a celebration of Shastri than an encyclopedia entry on him. I'm guilty of exactly the same myself - if I'm a fan of the subject I'm reading/writing about, it's so easy not to notice things that verge on POV.

Good luck! --HighHopes ^{(T)⋅(+)⋅(C)⋅(E)⋅(P)} 16:06, 29 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. Will do the trimming. Tintin 16:09, 29 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]

A nice article with some minor problems with the language - more specifically the choice of section titles like "always the bridesmaid" etc., Also, the word order appears to be heavily influenced by Indian languages (many of us including me suffer this). One noticeable issue needing remedy is the use of "Shastri" and the pronoun "he" in an almost random fashion. I would prefer that the name is used at regular intervals, preferably in the first sentence of a paragraph and the pronoun being used everywhere else. I've tried to copyedit the lead and the first section, but do not have the time to do the same for other sections. Might work on this on Monday, if needed. -- Sundar ^{\talk \contribs} 08:24, 30 September 2005 (UTC)[reply]