Wikipedia:Peer review/Ralph d'Escures/archive1

Ralph d'Escures

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to take it to FAC in the future and would like comments on how to improve the prose. I know that the dashes are off, I'll run a script over them before going to FAC to fix that issue. Any other comments are welcome, especially on prose or jargon.

Thanks, Ealdgyth - Talk 03:56, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

• "St Martin" currently red links to Sées Abbey, you've got an unlinked Séez following it. Should that be Séez Abbey?
  • I linked it to Seez Abbey. I could also see removing the redlink, since the liklihood of me actually getting to French abbeys is pretty slight.
• Escures redirects to Escurès. Would he have had the accent in his name? Should the estate name have the accent?
  • Someone else (I think) linked that. It linked to the wrong place, some place in southwestern France, which isn't Normandy, removed the link.
• "whose see he took " - I think I've discussed this before, worth linking for non-experts.
  • I've currently explained it and linked. Would "bishopric" or "diocese" be better in the prose? I'm not sure which folks are more likely to understand.
• "with the king" - would you clarify which king? And which pope as well?
  • done
• Move refs 1 and 2 to the other side of the comma following Seffrid I.
  • Done, relic of a previous incarnattion where some data seemed to show that Seffrid might have been a full brother.
• "The surname of de Turbine is only attested ..." it's not clear what this relates to. de Turbine is only mentioned in this sentence. Did I miss something?
  • Yep, you did. Clarified that he was once sometimes known under that surname, but no longer.
• Last three sentences of Early life read quite stilted, could you merge them to improve the flow?
  • I moved the bit about the foundation up closer to the "he joined" part and merged the bits about election. Does that work better?
• Avoid overlinking Henry I in the Time in England section.
  • I fight a constant battle against folks who seem to think they are "helping" by swooping in, linking a bunch of terms that are linked elsewhere, and swoop out. ARGH!
• "In June 1108 he succeeded Gundulf as Bishop of Rochester, having been nominated by Gundulf before his death,[11] and was consecrated on August 9, 1108.[12]" needs some rework to ensure it's clear who the subject of each clause is.
  • Attempted a clarification
• "favored" - add the U for British English.
  • Fixed
• "traveling" takes two l's in BritEng.
  • Fixed (can't ya'll learn to spell right????)
• "In 1116 the pope even demanded the payment of Peter's Pence" can you expand on this to explain its significance so non-experts can get to grips with it?
  • Gave a quick explanation. Let me know if that's enough.
• Sermon caption is complete sentence so it can take a full stop.
  • done
• Probably worth linking stroke at some point.
  • linked it but I am on the fence on this one, it might be a bit of overlinking.
• " Even William of Malmesbury could only find ..." why "Even..."? Was Bill of Malmes a bit of a sod?
  • Bill liked to find fault with everyone. If he didn't find fault with you for much, you must have been okay. Expanded a bit on the reasoning.

An enjoyable read, hope my comments are of use. The Rambling Man (talk) 10:15, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

• • Your comments are always helpful! THanks! Ealdgyth - Talk 15:06, 24 April 2008 (UTC)