Wikipedia:Peer review/Pocahontas (1995 film)/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because a fellow user has criticized its prose when I tried to get it to GA status. Any and all commentary is appreciated!
Thanks, MagicatthemovieS (talk) 21:30, 25 November 2017 (UTC) MagicatthemovieS (talk) 21:02, 25 November 2017 (UTC)
- The Historical accuracy section badly needs to be converted to prose. As such it is a point-form trivia section lacking context or commentary on the relevance, why changes were made, or what the reception has been. See WP:FILMHIST.
- Video game section consists of one short sentence. There is no commentary, such as in a Legacy section, discussing the sequel, though it's mentioned in the lede with a citation, violating WP:LEADCITE.
- Development: "That same month, Katzenberg held a meeting with the Feature Animation staff in which he declared Pocahontas to be a hit"
- "would be a hit" or was a hit in what sense? It couldn't be a box office hit or critical hit if it were still in development.
- "while the concept for The Lion King was deemed experimental"
- Experimental films can't be hits?
- Writing: "no scene was rewritten less than thirty-five times until it was perfect"
- Until the writers or directors deemed it perfect?
- Squaw is a slur. There is also an improper contraction in this sentence.
- Music: This section can benefit from some punctuation.
- Marketing: "a studio workshop where visitors can become the voice of their favorite animated character"
- See a character speak in their voice? Hear the characters' voice speak their words?
- Box office: Fourth sentence needs a comma.
- Critical: Rotten Tomatoes didn't exist in 1995. That stuff should be moved to the end of the section.
- "Roger Ebert deemed Pocahontas inferior to previous Disney films."
- It would be more accurate to say he compared them to previous Disney Renaissance.
- "It has been argued that Smith's victory over Kocoum in this arena is symbolic of Western Europe's domination of the Americas and the white man's domination over men of color"
- By who?
Did not check references. Ribbet32 (talk) 04:01, 26 November 2017 (UTC)