Wikipedia:Peer review/Pakistan/archive1

"Pakistan is a country located in South Asia that overlaps onto Central Asia and the Greater Middle East".

Dear Pakistani brothers, such stupendous confusion of identity is embarrassing! Just pick a geographic region, any region, and stick to it. You owe it to little-little kids who may be using wikipedia for their school essays.

Sisodia 05:06, 22 February 2006 (UTC)

Pakistan is located in the Central Asia and the Greater Middle East. Take a look at the map on the Middle East page, and you shall see, under one classification scheme, Pakistan is included into this area known as the "Greater Middle East." Pepsidrinka 12:04, 22 February 2006 (UTC)

I think Pakistan can be included in Greater Middle East if we look at the geography of Balochistan, but I am not sure about Central Asia, infact I am sure Pakistan does not overlap with Central Asia. To back my comment Greater Middle East and Central Asia digitalSurgeon 12:12, 23 February 2006 (UTC)

Or just call it a prominent country in Asia --PopUpPirate 00:46, 2 March 2006 (UTC)

---

One thing you have not mentioned is that the layout of the pics makes gaps in the text. Tobyk777 07:21, 22 February 2006 (UTC)

May I ask where exactly because it seems to look fine on my browser (Opera) and/or resolution (1024x768). Pepsidrinka 12:04, 22 February 2006 (UTC)

The shrinking Mughal Empire fell prey to the East India Company's conspiracies and the eventual collapse of the freedom struggle against the British by the Muslim leader Tipu Sultan, from 1749 to 1799, left the remnants of the Mughal Empire completely vulnerable.

Why does this refer to a South Indian ruler like Tipu Sultan ? What is the significance of 1749 ?

After a 60 year formal and generally unarmed struggle for independence, Pakistan came into existence on August 14, 1947 from the British Empire. Again why 60 ? What happened in 1887 ?

Even though the War of Independence was a joint Muslim-Hindu struggle to oust the British, the brunt of British retaliation was directed at the Muslim population of the empire, employing the infamous "divide and rule" policy. This suppression and subjugation helped set the stage for the creation of modern day Pakistan My history isn't very good but I doubt the historical accuracy of this. Tintin (talk) 18:27, 23 February 2006 (UTC)

The references to Tipu Sultan, the "East India Company's conspiracies", the 60-year struggle and the "divide and rule" policy have been removed and replaced by relevant things like the Lahore Resolution. Green Giant 00:29, 24 February 2006 (UTC)

• Congratulations on a good job, Pepsidrinka. The following are some suggestions you might want to look into:

1. The History section is needlessly long. Consider not breaking it into sub-sections. A three to four paragraph detail on History should suffice. The purpose of having a Main History of Pakistan article is to elaborate on detail in that article and to restrict your discussion on the History of Pakistan to the most salient points in the Pakistan article. Also, don't use the {{seealso}} template - it clutters up the section.
2. Forms of Government should be expanded. I don't think you need a Political History subsection in the main article
3. Provinces and Territories - this section should be in prose form, per WP:MOS.
4. Geography is an important section, consider expanding on this.
5. Condence Demographics to prose form without subsections. You may want to break it down into 3-4 paragraphs, as necessary.
6. Apart from that, there seems to be a tendency, although not intentional, to highlight the positive aspects of the country. To maintain NPOV, you will need to discuss both positive and negitive aspects within the various subtopics. Cover communal/ethnic tensions, economic and political issues.
7. Also, to maintain NPOV and for users unfamiliar with Pakistan and the Kashmir dispute, please state Pakistan's position on Kashmir a-la the note on the India article.
8. You should probably include a section on "Sport" as well, discussing popularly followed sports as well as popular participatory sports.

These suggestions should be able to help you out. Thanks! AreJay 05:02, 25 February 2006 (UTC)

Review by =Nichalp «Talk»=:

• The lead is poorly written. Pakistan is geographically in South Asia and from what it is written, it seems to want to be in the Middle East and Central Asia. Pakistan does not have cultural and linguistic ties with either. Please provide references to support this claim. The details on its location seem to be superfluous and makes a confusing match as to where Pakistan lies.
• Why is Pakistan's membership in various organisations being discussed here? All countries are members of something or the other. Summarise Pakistan's unique history, geography culture instead.
• Pakistan's border with China is not internationally recognised. A footnote should be applied as is done for India.
• History should be summarised into 6 paras. See India
• Fair use images should be removed from the article.
• Sub headings should be done away with
• (review stopped) Please model this article on lines of India, Nepal and Bhutan. =Nichalp «Talk»= 08:35, 26 February 2006 (UTC)

Review by Sundar

• The article needs a reorganisation of sections. For example, tourism can be covered as a paragraph under the economy section. Section titles like roots are not encyclopedic.
• Consider renaming wildlife section into flora and fauna and expand it accordingly.
• History section should be shortened. Political history can be covered under history itseld, not under politics.
• There is no need to have a separate section for political parties under the politics section.
• Use summary style.
• Sports section should have more prose.

I wish you all the best to get this article featured. I'd try to help with copyediting after the improvements suggested by peer reviewers above are taken care of. -- Sundar ^{\talk \contribs} 08:37, 27 February 2006 (UTC)

Lead and History

• I have restructured the lead per WP:LEAD and history per Wikipedia:Summary Style. Please follow a similar format for restructuring other sections within the article. Also, there seems to be nothing about the history of Pakistan post-1971. Please consolidate the history section by retaining only the important pieces of information and expanding on Pakistan's history as it relates to the 1980s through the 21st century. Nothing about the 2005 Kashmir earthquake or the Balochistan strife is mentioned.
• Please expand on Provinces, in prose format. The provinces, as they stand today, were amended in the Constitution of Pakistan (First Amendment) in 1974, section 2 http://www.pakistani.org/pakistan/constitution/part1.notes.html#1. This paper [1] may also help in your research. AreJay 19:12, 27 February 2006 (UTC)

I'm still not happy with the page size. It's too long and sections have too many subheadings. Cut down the page size to about 30-35 kb by moving the content to daughter articles and summarising the same here. (see India, Bhutan and Nepal) Secondly, the maps need to be NPOVd. so you'd need to contact someone skilled in graphics to NPOV them. Regards, =Nichalp «Talk»= 14:13, 5 March 2006 (UTC)

Comprehensive-ness

Hi - I have concerns about the comprehensiveness of this article. It doesn't give a balanced or comprehensive description of Pakistan:

1. This article does not discuss infrastructural, government/political, economic problems and challenges in Pakistan.
2. All issues and info regarding Islamic fundamentalism in religion, society, culture, politics are scant.
3. 2005 Kashmir earthquake?
4. History - this section has many glaring problems. The 1947-71 period when Bengalis were the majority - what about the problems, the onset of the civil war? What about "Basic Democracy" plan of Ayub Khan? There is one section badly worded on the freedom struggle, which suggests that the League took over from the Congress. This is nonsense - please represent the politics of the era factually. The League's popularity grew after 1937, but even then Badshah Khan's Congress controlled the NWFP, and the Unionist Muslim League controlled Punjab with the Akalis and Congress till 1942.
5. Foreign relations - War on terrorism? Taliban? Lahore Declaration 1998? Kargil War?
6. In-line citations - entirely missing from history.
7. Military services - user:Mercenary2k is preparing History of the Pakistan Army for FA status. There should be more coverage here about police, paramilitary and military of Pakistan.

I know there are difficulties in dealing with sensitive issues, but there is a huge gap on basic information on economy, society and government. Rama's Arrow 22:32, 6 March 2006 (UTC)

Review on 11-Mar by =Nichalp «Talk»=

1. LEAD:
   • Pakistan does not have a border dispute with India. Its territorial.
   • 19th century --> In words
2. INFOBOX: Remove (also financial capital)
3. HISTORY:
   • invasion by the White Huns. -- from where?
   • ...opportunities for the Afghans, Balochis and Sikhs -- opportunitunities for what?
   • ...Junagadh, Kapurthala but primarily over Jammu and Kashmir which led -- copyedit this sentence
   • Remove the cyclone part. Not needed in the summary
   • Too much information on Benazir. Zafarullah Khan Jamali not needed here
   • Too much information on the earthquake. Reduce to 1-2 sentences
4. GOVERNMENT:
   • party/alliance -- change "/" to "or"
5. =Provinces and territories= : Mention that 7 & 8 are also claimed by India in the paragraph.
6. GEOGRAPHY:
   • Too many mountain images in the =Geography= section. Please remove 1.
   • Use non breaking spaces   for units. (See Mumbai)
   • The monsoons are unreliable...water shortage problem summarise into "monsoons are unreliable and thus result in frequent water shortages"
   • Rename wildlife to =Flora and fauna=. Retain only the first paragraph. Delete the other two.
7. ECONOMY:
   • Text squeezed between two images make reading difficult. Also avod having left-aligned images at the start of a new section.
   • a "brighter" economic outlook : brighter? use another word
   • Visitors are attracted by the ruins... and the Shalimar Gardens. -- Remove. Reads like a tourist brochure.
8. CULTURE:
   • so Indian film stars are popular in Pakistan as well. cpedit
   • (Lollywood)? What is it.. see how the word "Bollywod" is meshed in the India article.
   • "Many Western restaurant chains, such.." -- remove. Sumamrise the remittances in 1 sentence.
9. Fill in the red links
10. Use – (ndashes) instead of hyphens.
11. Promote ===Holidays=== to ==Holidays==
12. Maps need to me NPOVd!

=Nichalp «Talk»= 08:34, 11 March 2006 (UTC)