Wikipedia:Peer review/Origami/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because Origamidesigner and I want feedback on how to improve it, hopefully to GA status. Any feedback would be great, as I am not a content creator and they're inexperienced as well.
Thanks, Origamiteⓣⓒ 02:55, 4 December 2014 (UTC)
Comments from Curly Turkey
[edit]Lead
[edit]- Origami (折り紙?, from ori meaning "folding", and kami meaning "paper" (kami changes to gami due to rendaku) is the art of paper folding: this makes the opening line very hard to read—I'd move the etymological expalanation further down, or even have it only in the body. Something like this is sufficient:
- Origami (折り紙, "paper folding") is the art ...
- Unless you are citing something contentious, inline cites shouldn't appear in the lead, as everything in the lead should also be in the body (where it should be cited).
- If the number of basic folds is small enough, you might want to include them in the lead; or at the very least mention valleys and mountains.
- The principles of origami are also used in stents, packaging and other engineering applications.: is this prominent enough to be lead-worthy?
- The body has an awful lot of uncited passages—even entire paragraphs. If you hope to get this article to GA status, you'll have to cite everything. If you manage to get everything cited, give me a ping and I can give the article a thorough copyedit. Curly Turkey ¡gobble! 02:30, 11 December 2014 (UTC)