Wikipedia:Peer review/North Omaha, Nebraska/archive1

North Omaha

I would really like any and all kinds of feedback about this article. Content, clarity, tone, and POV are all important for me to learn about. Thanks. - Freechild 01:17, 30 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 23:44, 30 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

It's a little too listy. For example; take the section on African American Culture, there's a nice intro to the section but then it peters out into a bunch of lists with little in the way of context. The "Notable African American cultural activities" section says that there are "numerous important institutions" but only lists one, the YWCA. Most cities have a YWCA, and the YWCA is not known for being specifically African American. How is the YWCA a notable African American cultural phenominon specific to North Omaha? You should try to flesh it out some; not just in that section but throughout the article. Make sense? ~ ONUnicorn^{(Talk|Contribs)}problem solving 15:36, 31 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

It needs pictures. Looks like most of the NPOV concerns have been addressed. I agree that the article is 'listy'; perhaps some of these lists could be converted to narrtive form. I'd certainly be willing to help with that. This is a very good article overall. ObtuseAngle 03:33, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

AnonEMouse

Rather long, redundant, and advertising-laden. Unlike ObtuseAngle, I still see POV. We can't state our opinions, only other people's.

Bordered by... lower case North South West East.
Wikilink: zip code, state senator (perhaps rephrase as Nebraska state senator)
"two areas are commonly differentiated among community members because of this in spite of being addressed otherwise" - huh? Desperately needs rephrasing for simplicity.
" illustrate include" - again, huh? Give a date, and a citation of the specific source. How does the Census Bureau define North Omaha? Say.
"long legacy governmental" - of?
"Despite the following statistics" - previous, earlier...
Give at the date the plan was proposed or accepted, at least one, possibly both
"North Omaha has a range of important institutions that are working for a prosperous, educated, healthy, and sustainable community for all Omahans." Ack! Cut the advertising, please. Sounds like a Miss America speech, needs only "world peace".
"homes which are good for the consumer-friendly" - Ack! You can probably cut the whole description of PCH down to 1 sentence and not lose any information
"Girl’s Inc" - are you sure it's not Girls, Inc.?
In fact, I would remove most of these entries except the truly exceptional ones. So it's got a Boys & Girls club and a Foodway, and lots of community organizations, so do lots of other places. Leave the museum and newspaper, but don't make this a link farm for area businesses and organizations.
If Mildred D. Brown is the first female to found a US newspaper, she deserves a Wikipedia article
"Star a corner stone" - is?
"the only African American newspaper" - in what sense the only AA? Do you mean AA-owned, AA-focused, what? Does it cover local, national, or world issues?
[14] website. - Strike the word and period.
"Omaha's only African American history collection" - in what sense? The entries two above and one below are clearly AA history collections. Does it focus on AA in Omaha, in NE, in the US?
Evergreen - write about the connection
Amored - Armored?
What does "alternately violent" mean?
"Many institutions within the boundaries of North Omaha reinforce these perceptions as they seek to disassociate with the area" - that's biased language, we can't write that unless we are citing someone saying almost exactly that.
"perpetuating popular misconceptions... racist violence." Again, biased language.
Sits, is, is - write when they were elected.
Nelson, Hagel, Heinemen aren't really connected with NO, should we mention them in every Nebraska city article?
far/near NO - what does that mean? How about a map?
"The Most Prettiest Mile" - not grammatical. Cite.
"at one time was regarded for" - rewrite
mansions? How do mansions square with being a poor area?
Put quotation marks around quotations. Consider using blockquote. WP:CITE
timeline - need to cite every entry, as this could be a vandalism magnet.
King, Kennedy visits - are they really that remarkable? Politicians visit lots of places
Put refs after punctuation.
Historical racisim - cite every paragraph at a minimum, as this is contentious. This part repeats much of the timeline, so is redundant. I prefer the text, but one should go.
"As a result, to this day a majority of Omaha's African American population is still found in North Omaha." We can't draw that conclusion, highly POV.
"Omaha Driving Park Association" - what kind of sport is that?
Too many sections titled starting with Historical!
# Mormon Pioneer Cemetery, # Mormon Pioneer Memorial Bridge - need sentences explaining importance
As with businesses, don't make an exhaustive list of churches and schools.
Trivia section is highly frowned upon in Wikipedia: Featured article reviews

--AnonEMouse ^(squeak) 19:18, 23 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]