Wikipedia:Peer review/Norodom Ranariddh/archive1

Norodom Ranariddh

I've listed this article for peer review because...

I have listed this article on GA review since February 2015 but there have been no editors that are willing to take this GA review. I have completed most of the work in February 2015, save for relatively minor edits and expansions thereafter. At this point of time, I have been trying to contact the subject of this person (H.R.H Norodom Ranariddh) to request for some of his portraits to be released under free licences such as cc-by-sa-3.0 or GFDL. I am confident that this article meets GA requirements, and as with many editors, the final goal would be to take this article to Featured Article status. However, I feel it would be better not to rush things as yet, as the nominator would need to check back on the nomination page on a regular basis, which I feel I am not quite emotionally prepared to do so due to other real-life commitments.

I would greatly appreciate reviews and feedbacks if there are any issues with the prose that maybe improved upon, citation issues to be in tandem with Wikipedia policies and guidelines such as Wikipedia:Citing sources, or any other relevant areas that maybe improved upon. Please feel free to make edits that you may deem appropriate. A review would be very much appreciated to close up any loopholes as it would be difficult for one editor to be able to address and identify every single issue.....

Hope to gather your feedback and assistance, thanks, Mr Tan (talk) 18:09, 2 July 2015 (UTC)

RE--Update: Nominated as GA. Will try to add a little more content before going for FA, although I have an awkward feeling that future reviewers may think the prose needs improvement before it can pass that final stage.... Mr Tan (talk) 09:09, 25 August 2015 (UTC)

 Doing... First batch of comments soon. Brianboulton (talk) 18:21, 14 September 2015 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments

Apologies for the delay in starting. So far, I've only read the lead section. I've found a number of minor prose issues, often relating to verbosity, unnecessary repetion of words and phrases, etc. I've listed particular points below:

Lead

• Acronymns should be explained in the text at first mention, even when a link is provided. Readers shouldn't have to leave the article to find out what FUNCINPEC means.

I agree as per Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Abbreviations guideline. But I am concerned, as this is a French acronym. The full name is "Front uni national pour un Cambodge indépendant, neutre, pacifique, et coopératif". Since it is in French, I will be compelled to provide an English translation, which translates to "National United Front for an Independent, Neutral, Peaceful, and Cooperative Cambodia". The sentence would become like that: "In 1983, Ranariddh joined FUNCINPEC ("Front uni national pour un Cambodge indépendant, neutre, pacifique, et coopératif", "National United Front for an Independent, Neutral, Peaceful, and Cooperative Cambodia", and in 1986 he became the chief-of-staff and commander-in-chief of the Armee Nationale Sihanoukiste."

The problem is that, the length of the paragraph would be significantly lengthened. It must also be pointed out that the full name of FUNCINPEC is hardly ever used, and almost always used in its abbreviated form. For interest sake, there is one editorial article that I would like to recommend here [1], with the quote: "The party's full name is a mouthful in any language. If you ask somebody about the National United Front for an Independent, Neutral, Peaceful, Economic, and Cooperative Cambodia, you might get a blank look in response. Fortunately, the Royalist party founded by King Father Norodom Sihanouk in Paris on March 26,1981 has an acronym in French that has a bit of a ring to it and so "Funcinpec" (Front Uni National pour un Cambodge Independent, Neutre, Pacifique, Economique et Cooperatif) is a name well-known across Cambodia."

I noted that for one example, in the case of Hastings Ismay, 1st Baron Ismay, he was NATO's first sec-gen--but the editors curiously omitted mentioning the full name of NATO in the lead, in spite it being an FA. In the previous GA review, the reviewer (for this article) has also similarly suggested to put up the English translation of "Armee Nationale Sihanoukiste", but I had to point out that there were 2 or 3 translations used. I am supportive of putting the full names of abbreviations as per Wiki guideline, though I feel some decisions like this may need to be made on a discretionary basis....the FUNCINPEC article does state the full name of the party, and I think that's more critical.... Mr Tan (talk) 12:51, 18 September 2015 (UTC)

• An early example of unneccesary wordiness: "Ranariddh became the secretary-general of FUNCINPEC in 1989, and was subsequently elected as FUNCINPEC president in 1992." This can be contracted to "Ranariddh became the secretary-general of FUNCINPEC in 1989, and its president in 1992."
• Rather than "When the party won the 1993 Cambodian general election..." I'd say "When the party won most seats in the 1993 Cambodian general election..." – otherwise readers will wonder why, having won, he had to form a coalition.
• "he became the First Prime Minister of Cambodia in a coalition government with Hun Sen as the Second Prime Minister." This wording will confuse many readers. Simplify to: "he became co-prime minister, with Hun Sen, in a coalition government".

I agree it can be a little confusing, as this arrangement was unique to Cambodia. But I feel that there is a need to highlight that there is a subtle difference between using the terms of "co-PM" vs "First PM". I like to bring you to Widyono's source (p. 129), which states the quote "Sihanouk proposed the establishment of an Interim Joint Administration ....with Ranariddh as coprime ministers". Between June and September 1993, it was to my understanding that Ranariddh and Hun Sen were put on an equal political status with Sihanouk as the Head of State. (Widyono's source: [2]; You may also want to refer to another subsidiary source at [3]) When a permanent government was established in September 1993, Widyono mentioned in p. 131 "His first act was to appoint Ranariddh first prime minister and Hun Sen second prime minister, with equal powers."

From Widyono's source, two different titles were used for two seperate periods (the interim period between June 93 to Sep 93, and the permanent period between Sep 93 to Aug 97.)

There is also another source that highlights this subtle difference (Note the text below). [4]

"Coequal Prime ministers 2 Jul 1993 - 21 Sep 1993 Hun Sen (s.a.) KPK + Prince Norodom Ranariddh (b. 1944) FUNCINPEC

First Prime ministers

21 Sep 1993 - 6 Jul 1997 Prince Norodom Ranariddh (s.a.) FUNCINPEC

16 Jul 1997 - 30 Nov 1998 Ung Huot (b. 1945) FUNCINPEC

Second Prime minister

21 Sep 1993 - 30 Nov 1998 Samdech Hun Sen (s.a.) KPK

Prime Minister 30 Nov 1998 - Samdech Hun Sen (s.a.) KPK

Although Ranariddh was "First PM", it denotes seniority in the titular rather than effective sense. Still, it is to my opinion that the full wording of Ranariddh's title should not be condensed or compromised in the lead. Mr Tan (talk) 13:16, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

• Delete the words "As First Prime Minister" in the next sentence, which will thus begin: "Ranariddh promoted business interests in Cambodia..."
• Second paragraph, first line: delete the words "as the First Prime Minister". This is obvious from the context

I think it isn't a good idea. I think it would be better to leave things stated explicitly, rather than letting it be implied for this case. There is a possibility of backsliding into ambiguity if future modifications are made....anyway, he was also serving as FUNCINPEC chairman at the same time, readers may potentially wonder if he is ousted as FUNCINPEC chairman, or as First Prime Minister.... Mr Tan (talk) 14:42, 18 September 2015 (UTC)

• Second paragraph, second line: delete "to contest"

I think that it an important conjunction and would be unfeasible to be removed. It will become: "Ranariddh subsequently went into exile and returned to Cambodia in March 1998, leading FUNCINPEC in the 1998 Cambodian general election." The context will be affected - I think readers would be wondering what Ranariddh be leading - to participate in elections, supervise in elections or what... Mr Tan (talk) 04:38, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

• "When FUNCINPEC lost the elections to the CPP, Ranariddh led the party to briefly protest against the election results, before agreeing to join the CPP to form a coalition government." Simplify: "When FUNCINPEC lost to the CPP, Ranariddh briefly challenged the election results, before agreeing to join the CPP in a coalition government."

• "when he renounced his interest to succeed the throne" → "when he renounced his interest in succeeding to the throne"
• Next sentence: delete "As the President of the National Assembly" at the beginning, as "as King" at the end.

I think it would be better to emphasise in which capacity Ranariddh was occupying in the Cambodian throne council. The Cambodian throne council consists of 9 members, and since Ranariddh has served as PM and President of the National Assembly, I think it would be better not to omit mention, to prevent the prospect of backsliding into ambiguity. There is a book source here, which I think might be helpful: [5]

• Third paragraph: Delete "later" (as you provide a date), and: "President of the FUNCINPEC party" → "President of FUNCINPEC"
• "went on to form" → "founded"
• "After two criminal charges were laid against him..." – you should (very briefly) indicate the nature of these charges.

He was convicted of adultery and embezzlement of property. It is outlined in the main body, but I am inclined to think that it would be sufficient to keep it just like that? Anyway, the charges laid against him were said to be contentious or politically motivated, and I feel that it would be better not to mention them explicitly in the lead text, since it amounts to an act of emphasising the criminal act. (Anyway, there was also another criminal conviction Ranariddh had in 1997, which you noticed that I did not put into the text.) My opinion comes from the policy outline stated at WP:AVOIDVICTIM and WP:BLPCRIME. Mr Tan (talk) 12:51, 18 September 2015 (UTC)

• Delete "subsequently" (again, you give the date)
• "he came out of retirement again..." – you need a variation in wording. Suggest: "he emerged..." Also, delete "in 2014" at the end of the sentence.
• Delete "The following year" (you give the year)

It will be a couple of days before I can get back to this review. If you have the time, it would be useful if you would check through the prose for similar incidences to those I've identified, in the main body of the text. Brianboulton (talk) 22:09, 14 September 2015 (UTC)

Thank you. I will try my best, but I cannot promise a speedy response as I have school commitments. Hope to gather more inputs from you :) Mr Tan (talk) 04:38, 16 September 2015 (UTC)

PS: Hi Brian, I have made amendments as per recommendations, while for those that I have reservations, I have put up explanations for the benefit of other future reviewers. There are still a couple more suggestions I am looking through. Will come back once I have the time, probably no more than a few days time. I hope you can advise on the main body as well–I still have some sort of ambiguous feeling in spite of multiple cycles copyedit, re-checking and analysing facts and source-checks on my own accord... Mr Tan (talk) 12:57, 18 September 2015 (UTC)

I accept what you say about the difficulties in spelling out FUNCINPEC, but you should at least say that it's a political party. On the First PM/Second PM issue, my head is spinning so I'll leave that to you. I see you are still using "later" and "subsequently" in sentences where you give the date, and this is an error. I also think differently from you on a few other points mentioned above, but you're the main editor, so again it's up to you. I'll try and read a little more, and leave additional comments, later today. Brianboulton (talk) 16:44, 18 September 2015 (UTC)

Hi Brian, thank you for your suggestions. I hope to get more advise from you before nominating the article for FA. For the explanations that I gave, I hope you don't take them personally :) I noted that you are an experienced editor, and am very happy to have received your suggestions. However, I think that it would not be wise for me to accept all suggestions blindly, and hence I felt the need to explain the various issues, such as linking cause and effect, or the possibility of "side effects" such as a change in the meaning if certain points are changed. I have noted that many articles that went through the FA process, this is the norm and I am taking the PR as a prelude. I hope to hear from you soon, thank you :) Mr Tan (talk) 06:32, 19 September 2015 (UTC)

I"ll take note and remove the unnecessary usage of the words "later" and "subsequently". Will look through them properly once I got more time. Mr Tan (talk) 06:34, 19 September 2015 (UTC)

(As a matter of reflection) I think the phrase from the "1993 elections", needs to be expanded. "A new constitution was drafted over the next three months, and completed in September 1993. Sihanouk resigned from his position as the Head of State and was re-instated as the King of Cambodia. In turn, Ranariddh assumed the role of First Prime Minister while Hun Sen assumed the role of Second Prime Minister." I"ll try to look into this further and see how the First PM and Second PM can be more clearly expressed in the lead after expansion. Mr Tan (talk) 06:49, 19 September 2015 (UTC)

Dual PM - I have expanded the 1st paragraph - on hindsight I think some elaboration on this area is necessary in the lead, as I agree that this is inevitable and almost unheard of outside Cambodia. Mr Tan (talk) 08:21, 9 November 2015 (UTC)

More comments

Early life

• "...a ballet dancer attached to the royal court who was also Sihanouk's first wife" – I would have thought her role as wife would be stated before that of ballet dancer.

Interesting....because the previous GA reviewer asked me to present this specific point in this manner. Anyway I have reverted back to its pre-GA form, "Ranariddh was born in Phnom Penh to Sihanouk by his first wife Phat Kanhol, a ballet dancer attached to the royal court."

• "to pursue law studies instead" → "to study law instead" (thereby avoiding repetition of "pursue")
• Give year of Ranariddh's appointment as associate professoe at Provence
• Various minor copyedits done in second paragraph

Thank you! (Y) Mr Tan (talk) 10:18, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

Entry into politics

• "appointed as a personal representative to Sihanouk". Personal representative of whom to Sinahouk? Or do you mean that he was appointed by Sinahouk as a personal representative?

Yes, Ranariddh's official position was as a "personal representative" to Sihanouk, with job functions something like an ambassador or Aide-de-camp. I have restructured that sentence to try to make it clearer. Mr Tan (talk) 10:18, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

• "anointed by Sihanouk to be the commander-in-chief and chief-of-staff for ANS" – do you really mean "anointed"? Posssibly you meant "appointed", but you've used that word twice already. Suggested reword: "In March 1985, Ranariddh was appointed inspector-general of the Armee Nationale Sihanoukiste (ANS), and in January 1986 was promoted by Sihanouk to commander-in-chief and chief-of-staff of the army".

Ok. I have restructured again. Mr Tan (talk) 10:18, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

• "...a transitional organisation headed by Sihanouk to represent sovereign interests in the United Nations". Not a very clear explanation of the SNC. Why was it necessary to have such a body?

Restructured. It would be good if such an article exists, which has not existed as yet. I think a good source on elaborating this information maybe found at [6]

• After the words "Paris Peace Accords" you should add "officially ending the Cambodian–Vietnamese War".
• I note that the subsection is headed "Initial years in FUNCINPEC", yet the text covers from 1983 to 1992, nine years, which is stretching "initially" somewhat.

Agreed as a matter of principle, but Ranariddh's achievements were relatively limited during this time and given the small amount of content, it would not be wise to further split the content into another subsection. Any alternative suggestions to this heading? Mr Tan (talk) 10:18, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

1993 elections

• "However, party offices in the rural parts of the country faced attacks from government troops and killings of low-level party officials." Why was this?

Fixed Mr Tan (talk) 10:18, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

• First mentions of Chea Sim and Hun Sen in the main text. They should both be linked, and briefly described.

Fixed & linked Chea Sim Mr Tan (talk) 10:21, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

• "persuaded him to assume state authority" – another vague phrase; do you mean "to head a new government"?

Yes, that was the intended consequence, but this is the direct description of the action prior to the consequence. The source states: "On 3 June, Chea Sim and Hun Sen met with Prince Sihanouk and requested that he assume all power. They also demanded equal power sharing with FUNCINPEC in the new cabinet." - p. 124 [7] Mr Tan (talk) 10:18, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

• Check edit history for more minor copyedits.

(Y) To be quite honest I have a feeling of enthusiasm each time I hear from you. I hope to hear more suggestions from you soon! :) Mr Tan (talk) 10:18, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

Brianboulton (talk) 17:25, 20 September 2015 (UTC)

A little more:

Co-operation and co-administration with CPP

• First sentence modified by me for greater clarity. The dates of Widyono's service as US representative may need citing to a reliable source.

OK. Google Books URL source = [8] Mr Tan (talk) 08:30, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

• "drew flak from" is too informal = non-encyclopaedic. Try "was criticized by".
• "to oversee regulatory affairs relating to foreign investment" seems wordy and convoluted. Why not just " to regulate foreign investment"?

The meaning changes here....I restructured to... "oversee government administration affairs pertaining to foreign investment" Mr Tan (talk) 08:30, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

• "petrol kiosks": are these what we Brits call "petrol stations" and the Americans call "gas stations"? Somehow "kiosk" does not seem the best word.

Changed....maybe the fact that I live in a country other than the UK or US subtly influences the choice of terms.... Mr Tan (talk) 08:30, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

• General point: I have been removing your "then-" prefixes. These are not necessary, and add awkwardness to the reading

When I edited alone, I thought it was necessary as the individuals no longer serve in these positions present-day. I"ll take this as expert opinion from you :) Mr Tan (talk) 08:30, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

• Third paragraph: I have copyedited and reduced somewhat the wording relating to the casino contract. I still think there's too much detail here. I suggest you lose "Before the tender was concluded, Ariston's luxury cruiser was brought to Phnom Penh in the early December" and " Ariston conceded the operations of the luxury cruiser, named Heritage to Unicentral Corporation."

This would also affect the phrase, "The Tourism Minister, Veng Sereyvuth suspected that there was insider trading activities between CDC and Ariston", as during my research it is to my understanding that Veng Sereyvuth suspected of insider trading when the casino-fitted luxury crusier was brought into Cambodia. Summarising and presenting this section is less straightforward and more abstract than the previous sections, as there are significantly more content and newspaper editorials discussing the event from different angles. If 1/2 the paragraph is removed as you suggested, it would affect the depth of the context.

Also, it is to my opinion to keep this sub-section at more or less this length, to outline policy decisions that Ranariddh made as PM (which is not really very much). As subsequent sections are sort-of not too savoury either, I think this amount of "plus" points is needed to balance off the "minus" points at the back. To be specific, Ranariddh's conflicts with Hun Sen (as seen in the next 2 subsections) are mostly of the "minus" nature. I can't say that I'm 100% neutral, but I can say that I at least try to adhere to the spirit of Wikipedia:NPOV when I decide which are the "appropriate" and "relevant" content to incorporate. Anyway I"ll dwell on the pros and cons of your suggestion first, I"ll keep an open mind on this and reconsider in subsequent revisits.... Mr Tan (talk) 13:46, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

• "The Khmer Rouge obtained its revenue by carrying out forest logging in parts of western and northern Cambodia controlled by them..." I did not realise that, in 1993–94, tha Khmer Rouge still controlled parts of the country. This should, I think, have been mentioned earlier.
• "The following January..." Does this mean January 1994?

There was one passing mention of the KR in the section "Initial years in FUNCINPEC". From the context of the outline, I find it very difficult to just "weave" mention of KR control of NW Cambodia into that section. Anyway, military situation changes, and the extent of the KR control in the 1980s and 1993 have variations. Mr Tan (talk) 13:34, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

• The "However" which begins the final paragraph looks inappropriate, and I can't follow the logic of the first sentence of this paragraph. There's a lot of confusion in this felled trees business, and again I wonder if the text can be shortened/simplified.

When I read through the two paragraphs again, I realised that my wrong choice of conjunctions and adjectives caused confusion! Indeed, this section is one area that I had a "weird" feeling. There is unfortunately no preview for the book source by Kiernan and Hughes, but I found this online source that discusses this topic (pp 791-5). I think removing content here would affect either the claim and/or explanation that follows, and affect reading even further. I"ll come back again for a 2nd re-read to see if I can elaborate relevant points further or if it can be further restructured.... Mr Tan (talk) 13:34, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

Done a restructuring of the last 2 paragraphs, which I realised that some of the content are indeed ambiguous. I hope that the claim and explanations should sound more smooth and logical now.... Mr Tan (talk) 14:52, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

Brianboulton (talk) 22:54, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

I hope we can keep the ball rolling over subsequent sections....I"ll look into all issues pointed out wherever possible, although there can be slight delays here and there. I have thought of putting this up on FAN in December during my University vacation period, hopefully.... Mr Tan (talk) 08:30, 23 September 2015 (UTC)

So – another section. I have carried out numerous minor copyedits. You should look at the following points:

Authority challenges and conflicts within the government

• "Rainsy's expulsion as the Finance Minister sowed unhappiness with Norodom Sirivudh, who resigned as Foreign Minister the following month." I think "expulsion" is the wrong word: "dismissal" would be more accurate. Also, "sowed unhappiness with" is too prosey. I'd simplify the sentence to "Rainsy's dismissal upset Norodom Sirivudh, who resigned as Foreign Minister the following month."

I agree fully. Mr Tan (talk) 12:09, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

• "corruption forum" → "corruption hearing". The word "forum" suggests a general discussion rather an investigation.

It was a conference to deal with corruption problems in the country. The source: [9] Mr Tan (talk) 12:09, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

• "Rainsy's comments upset Ranariddh, who in June 1995 introduced a motion to remove Rainsy as a Member of Parliament, over his continued criticisms of the government." Suggest simplify to "Rainsy's continued criticisms of the government offended Ranariddh, who in June 1995 introduced a motion to remove Rainsy as a Member of Parliament".

Ok Mr Tan (talk) 12:09, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

• "the anniversary of the liberation of Khmer Rouge forces by the Vietnamese from Phnom Penh" – I think you mean: "the anniversary of the liberation of Phnom Penh from the Khmer Rouge forces, by the Vietnamese". It was the city, not the Khmer Rouge, that was liberated. Another way of putting it might be "the anniversary of the defeat of the Khmer Rouge forces in Phnom Penh, by the Vietnamese".

Ok Mr Tan (talk) 12:09, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

• "deliberately delaying administrative aspects of approving Ariston's project" – unnecessarily convoluted: " deliberately delaying approval of Ariston's project"

The contract was signed in 1995, but the main issue is the administrative clearance (the paperwork) that Ariston subsequently had to face clearance from other ministries, and it was that process which it bumped into extended delays. Anyway I have revisited the source & tried to reword to make it clearer.... Mr Tan (talk) 12:51, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

• You should say who Tioulong Saumura was – don't force your readers to use links when a brief explanation would avoid that necessity.

Ok Mr Tan (talk) 12:51, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

• "a meeting with Mahathir"; readers will have forgotten who "Mahathir" was. Suggest "Malaysian prime minister Mahathir"

Disagree; I think introduction the first time at the top would be sufficient. If we repeat mentioning Mahathir's post, does it mean that we also have to mention "First PM Ranariddh", "Second PM Hun Sen"? It would look unnecessarily repetitive.... Mr Tan (talk) 12:51, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

• "and appraised Hun Sen and the CPP" – What is the intended meaning here? To "appraise" means to assess the value or quality of something.

I tried rewording a little....anyway this was the exact quote: "...and that the royal family had much esteem for Hun Sen and the CPP. " Google Book source: [10]

• "At the beginning of May 1996, Hun Sen's government..." When, and how, did it become "Hun Sen's government"?

Agreed! A ridiculous mistake indeed Mr Tan (talk) 12:09, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

Brianboulton (talk) 23:19, 26 September 2015 (UTC)

Resuming after an interval; I hope to speed up, and complete the review before the month's end as requested. In accordance with your wish I have skipped over one section:

Exile, return and 1998 elections

• Give year after "9 July"
• Link and capitalise "White Paper"
• "the clashes had effectively ousted Ranariddh" – as we're in a new section, specify which conflict
• "seeking diplomatic assistance in pressurizing Hun Sen to restore their working relations in the coalition government." These seems awkwardly phrased. I'd say: "seeking their help in restoring his relations with Hun Sen."
• "On 16 July 1997, Ung Huot was nominated by FUNCINPEC MPs loyal to Hun Sen to replace Ranariddh during a party meeting..." I suspect that "during a party meeting" should follow the date, i.e. "On 16 July 1997, during a party meeting," etc. Also, I'd prefer "to replace Ranariddh as First Prime Minister", with an adjustment to the latter part of the sentence.
• "proposed to abdicate the throne" – probably "threatened to abdicate the throne"

Accepted and amended as per recommendations Mr Tan (talk) 13:25, 15 October 2015 (UTC)

• "Ouster" meaning removal from office is North American usage. In general you seem to be writing in British English, e.g. in date formatting etc. The word "overthrow" would be a reasonable Brit replacement for ouster.

Ranariddh's ouster was an interesting event, as some diplomats have used the word "coup", but others including Sihanouk have refrained from refering to the event as one. To my understanding, the word "overthrow" would associate more closely with the word "coup" and would not be very appropriate in this case. Widyono's source did provide an interesting insight into this: [11], and I also note that UK's Daily Mail does use the word "ouster" in leaders that were removed from their position in one way or another, one example would be here [12] (I believe that they use BrE too....heehee) ... Mr Tan (talk) 13:25, 15 October 2015 (UTC)

• "ASEAN" needs explanation
• "A proposal was also made to allow UN representatives to monitor the elections..." Who proposed this?

Both fixed Mr Tan (talk) 13:25, 15 October 2015 (UTC)

• "snubbed at" does not make sense. Do you mean "ridiculed"?

Hmm...if the term "ridiculed" is used, I feel that it would deviate from the whole essence of the event. Anyway, as per [13], this was the paragraph that I exactly used while editing: "Party president Ranariddh said in an Oct 2 statement: "Without my presence at the May 1998 elections, Funcinpec will not participate in the elections and the exiled personalities from Funcinpec will not agree to return to Cambodia until I am allowed to do so also, with full guarantees for my safety and freedom of movement and expression." Second Prime Minister Hun Sen has said repeatedly that Ranariddh is free to return, but must face criminal charges when he does."

• Why is "criminal charges" in quotation marks?

To my understanding, the charges and convictions that Ranariddh received were seen to be politically motivated ones, but so far I have not seen any sources that explicitly state that Ranariddh's charges were politically motivated per se. I fear that other editors may fault me for Wikipedia:Citing_sources#Text.E2.80.93source_integrity if I were to express it at this point of time. Anyway I think it"ll be better we use "court charges" Mr Tan (talk) 13:25, 15 October 2015 (UTC)

• "FUNCINPEC troops continued to fight with CPP forces in O'Smach along with Khmer Rouge until February 1998, when a ceasefire was arranged between FUNCINPEC and CPP forces by the Japanese government." It is not clear from this wording whether the Khmer Rouge were aligned with FUNCINPEC or CPP. Needs rewording to clarify. Also, linking half a word, as with "Japanese", is frowned upon. Use a pipe thus: Japanese.
• "In March 1998, Ranariddh was convicted..." What court convicted him?
• "subsequently pardoned by Sihanouk" – do we need "subsequently"? It seems that the pardon had immediate effect.

The verdict was handed down to Ranariddh, and the pardon came after that. I feel this word is critical to illustrate the sequence of events...you may refer to the text at [14], with the area around " with the real prospect of Japan, ASEAN and the EU withdrawing support for the elections, Hun Sen wrote to the King requesting a full pardon for Ranariddh." Mr Tan (talk) 10:32, 19 October 2015 (UTC)

• The "loss of access to television and radio channels" should be explained. How/why did they lose it?
• For some reason, for the July 1998 election you give the voting percentage and seats won by the losing party but not for the winners. You mention that Rainsy's party came third, without mentioning either votes or seats.

As Ranariddh is the president of FUNCINPEC, I felt emphasis should be given to his party while other parties should be given cursory reference, just enough to support any subsequent points and premises to be raised within the text. More detailed explanation of such points might be more appropriate for articles such as Cambodian general election, 1998, in my view. I have amended that part somewhat–am amendable to change my stance if future editors have similar sentiments thru FAC or other similar article review exercises...

For other points with no follow-up comments, I have either fixed them by following the recommendations or with alternative modifications ... Mr Tan (talk) 10:32, 19 October 2015 (UTC)

I've also done quite a bit of CE to fix prose issues. Brianboulton (talk) 22:44, 14 October 2015 (UTC)

Going on...

President of the National Assembly (1998-2006)

• "Cambodian senate" – I would capitalise "Senate" here, and generally.
• " bilateral relations" – I think that "bilareal" is redundant here.

Oops, spelling error Mr Tan (talk) 13:28, 23 October 2015 (UTC)

• "were reportedly unhappy": not good practice to use "reportedly" without indicting the source of such reports. You coukd say: "According to press reports, a sizeable minority..." etc

I"ll just say "were unhappy"...All three fixed Mr Tan (talk) 13:28, 23 October 2015 (UTC)

• "a nuanced electoral campaign"? What is meant here?

I derived this point from the passage: "...Moreover, during the 2003 elections, many FUNCINPEC candidates' campaigns had been bankrolled by Hun Sen crony capitalists, and some were even financed by their CPP competitors. This made FUNCINPEC a partly owned subsidiary of This made FUNCINPEC a partly owned subsidiary of CPP and its tycoons, and left FUNCINPEC parliamentarians-elect with debts they could only repay by obtaining government posts through which they could make money..."[15] Anyway, I"ll remove this 2 sentences of text, since this is more of an inferred point. Furthermore, while the texts mentioned about FUNCINPEC's position in the election, and there is no real direct linkage to Ranariddh as it was not stated/established that he made any form of decision to parry with the CPP to get election funds... I noted that there were quite a number of similar issues whereby I got kind-of tied FUNCINPEC's developments with Ranariddh's biography here, especially in the 1997 clashes section. I have since realised that they cannot be taken as one same thing, and it would be more correct to seperate them. While 2 issues maybe related (ie. Ranariddh and FUNCINPEC), there are still points of distinctions between the two... Mr Tan (talk) 13:28, 23 October 2015 (UTC)

• "spree" of assassinations? I'd choose a better collective noun.

Changed the wording Mr Tan (talk) 04:07, 28 October 2015 (UTC)

• "The package vote was formally endorsed during a parliamentary session in July 2004". I'm not sure about the term "package vote". I think it means a set of compromises, and perhaps "compromise" would be a better term. Also, who "formally endorsed" the package?

Haha...no, it was a term used to describe a set of agreements between the 2 political parties. They were passed during a parliamentary sitting in that month. Source: [16]

Expulsion from FUNCINPEC

• "the party's secretary general" – which party?

Nhek Bun Chhay was FUNCINPEC sec-gen at this time....but from the section, only FUNCINPEC was mentioned...I thought it was obvious from the context? You did suggest to try to reduce the use of names with more implied forms of references earlier in the review.... Mr Tan (talk) 13:37, 23 October 2015 (UTC)

• "Two months later, the party's secretary general, Nhek Bun Chhay, issued an order to relieve 40 deputy provincial governors of their duties." What has this to do with Ranariddh?

Agreed. I have replaced the point and expanded a little. Mr Tan (talk) 14:42, 27 October 2015 (UTC)

• "A month later, Ranariddh was ousted from his position as the FUNCINPEC chairman and named as the "historic leader" in an emergency congress." What's going on here? He is first sacked, then given what sounds like a highly honourable position. Was it some sort of empty, face-saving gesture? If so, you should make this plain.

Agreed. I have tried to rephrase the point and backed it up with additional points. Mr Tan (talk) 14:42, 27 October 2015 (UTC)

Norodom Ranariddh Party, exile and retirement

• "However, the NRP dropped their accusations against the CPP..." In the previous sentemce it seems that their accusations were against the Electoral Commission.

Modified. Mr Tan (talk) 04:07, 28 October 2015 (UTC)

Community of Royalist People's Party

• "The president of the Cambodian National Rescue Party (CNRP), Sam Rainsy..." Presumably the same Sam Rainsy who previously led the "Sam Rainsy Party"? Is so, you should reword: "Sam Rainsy, now president of the Cambodian National Rescue Party (CNRP)..." etc

Fixed Mr Tan (talk) 04:07, 28 October 2015 (UTC)

Return to FUNCINPEC

• Copyediting only

Nearly done now. Just the final couple of sections (and the one I jumped over). Should be done by the weekend. Brianboulton (talk) 13:52, 20 October 2015 (UTC)

Thanks! Give me a few more days to look through and consider the above comments (I've addressed some), though I will be very welcome if you can raise additional suggestions in the meantime... Mr Tan (talk) 13:37, 23 October 2015 (UTC)

Comments on the final sections:

Awards and royal appointments

• The section begins: "Ranariddh was given the Cambodian royal title of 'Sdech Krom Luong' ". It would be better if you said who gave him this, and the other titles mentioned in the section. Presumably it was the king, but this needs to be clear.

I got your point, but Cambodian history is quite complex. In June 1993, Sihanouk has yet to be reinstated as the King of Cambodia. My concern was that if I rephrase it as " "...Sdech Krom Luong" by then-Head of State Norodom Sihanouk in June 1993,...", it could open up another Pandora's box of ambiguous premises that needs even more pretexts to be explained further, including Sihanouk's reinstatement as King in September 1993 and so on. I am concerned that half of the paragraph may end up elaborating Sihanouk's career during this period of time, which is definitely not appropriate for this article. I think it"ll be better to keep it simple as of now. Mr Tan (talk) 15:29, 1 November 2015 (UTC)

• Use of bolding for £Samdech Krom Preah" breaches MOS
• Ranariddh is mentioned by name six times in the first paragraph. Some minor rewriting, and use of the pronoun, would avoid the repetition.
• First mention of Sihamoni since the lead. You should link, and remind readers that he is the king.

Candidacy to the throne

• "shortly Sihanouk was diagnosed with cancer" – missing word: should it be "shortly after"?

Oops, fixed Mr Tan (talk) 12:46, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

• I have problems with the following sentence: " In a 1995 poll conducted by the Khmer Journalists' Associations over seven hundred people showed 24 percent of all respondents preferred Ranariddh to take the throne, although a larger proportion of correspondents had indicate no preference over any members of the royal family". I believe it should read something like this: "In a 1995 poll conducted by the Khmer Journalists' Association, 24 percent of the 700 respondents preferred Ranariddh to take the throne, although a larger proportion indicated no preference for any member of the royal family." However, 24 percent does not sound like a proportion that would make him the "favourite" to succeed. It means that 76 percent preferred someone else, or weren't interested. I recommend that you delete the statement "Ranariddh was an early favourite choice to succeed Sihanouk".

I agree, removed. This sentence is more commentary than fact-based in substance Mr Tan (talk) 05:09, 29 October 2015 (UTC)

• "In two reports from 1993 and 1996, Ranariddh rejected the notion of becoming the next king". I wouldn't bother with this statement – we've moved well beyond 1996 now, and it's confusing for the reader to move backwards in time.

I think it is important, because it reflects his stand on the position. Sometimes "scrolling" across different periods of time might be necessary, as I place priority on "grouping" the relevant points together. As you had seen it, the 4th paragraph in "Co-operation and co-administration with CPP", starting with the line "In 1992, the UNTAC administration had banned forest logging and timber exports. In October 1993..." also had staggered the timeframe a little as I thought it was necessary to highlight another point that traversed between 1992-1995. Anyway, we"ll see if there maybe any additional comments in future FACs or PRs... Mr Tan (talk) 12:46, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

• "...and quoted that Sihamoni had expressed support for Ranariddh to succeed their father in the past" Confusing add-on to the sentence. Recommend delete.

Reworded Mr Tan (talk) 12:46, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

• Who is Monireath? (not previously mentioned)

Added Mr Tan (talk) 12:46, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

Personal life

• The first paragraph is very laboured in making the point about Ranariddh's physical resemblance to Sinahouk. I suggest you replace the paragraph with a simpler, shorter version, thus:

"Ranariddh's physical resemblance to his father Sinahouk—his facial features, high-pitched voice, and character mannerisms-has beeen noted by several of his contemporaries and is reflected in the findings of a July 1997 opinion poll. Journalists have observed that Ranariddh used this resemblance to canvass support for FUNCINPEC during the 1993 and 1998 general elections. During an interview with Harish Mehta in 2001, Ranariddh said: (etc)"

I feel it is necessary to include the name of the contemporaries; otherwise we may face the possibility of other editors would interject with the "who?" template into the text, which I do come across from time to time.... Mr Tan (talk) 05:09, 29 October 2015 (UTC)

• Is it necessary to note that Ranariddh speaks Khmer? It would be odd if he didn't.

Well, there are people who are born to a specific race (let's say Chinese), but he or she might not necessarily speak the language. Take Philipp Rösler, he was a Vietnamese adopted by Germans, but grew up not able to speak any Vietnamese ... Mr Tan (talk) 05:09, 29 October 2015 (UTC)

• What was the subject of the 90-minute film?

Raja Bori was a cultural film, but I think I should refrain from adding further details - other users may then ask what is "cultural", and then the text may end up becoming oversized....anyway, I did set a one sentence explanation on the Raja Bori film at the end of the "Personal Life" main section, " In 2002, Ranariddh produced and directed a 90-minute film, titled "Raja Bori" which was shot at Angkor Wat." Mr Tan (talk) 05:13, 29 October 2015 (UTC)

• I recommend you lose the whole first paragraph of the "Family" subsection. These people have no role in Ranariddh's public life, and are irrelevant for the purposes of this article.

I beg to differ - a person's family life is generally of a private nature, although some details may become public due to press reports or in biographies. Sometimes the boundary becomes blur between "private" vs "public" - take Prince_William,_Duke_of_Cambridge#Fatherhood, when his children were born, should it constitute public or private life? I think this is very subjective. Anyway, the first paragraph talks about his relations to his siblings, which are also noted personalities in their own right. Buppha Devi was an Apsara dancer - there are materials about her, and Chap Nhalyvoud had served as a Governor of a Cambodian province... Mr Tan (talk) 05:09, 29 October 2015 (UTC)

End

That completes my review. I have also copyedited the "Conflict escalation & military clashes" section which I jumped over at your request. I will have to leave it to you to decide how to deal with my suggestions, as I won't have time to monitor your responses. I do wish you every success with the article should you decide to take it forward. Brianboulton (talk) 23:25, 24 October 2015 (UTC)

Thank you! I don't have much time at this immediate point of time to look through your comments, but will do so over the next 2 weeks. I may ask for a final opinion from you once I have analysed and addressed your suggestions... Mr Tan (talk) 08:01, 25 October 2015 (UTC)

I have looked through all the comments over the past 2 months or so, and will leave the review open for another month. I may drop by from time to time to check and re-look at any points I may have missed out in November. If any editors wish to add in any more points here, you are most welcome to do so. Should there be no more major issues, I will put it up on FAC in early December. Not earlier, as my exams (in real life) are just round the corner. Mr Tan (talk) 10:55, 2 November 2015 (UTC)

Closure

I am closing this Peer Review, and will officially put this article up for FAC nomination in December. If you have any thoughts or issues about this article, please do not hesitate to confer with me on the article's talk page or my talk page. Cheers Mr Tan (talk) 13:14, 17 November 2015 (UTC)