Wikipedia:Peer review/Ninja Gaiden (NES)/archive1

Ninja Gaiden (NES)

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review to start preparing the article for good article standing. I have received little reviewing at the previous peer review so I am listing it here. An overall comb of the article would be great with a focus on how to improve the Plot section, as I think it is a little afoul of WP:PLOT.

Thanks, MuZemike 00:04, 26 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article that seems to need need some work to reach GA standards. I agree the plot section is weak. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

In the lead I would spell out literally (currently just "lit.")
Since "NES" is in the title, it needs to be defined in the article, so add it after the first appearance in the lead "Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)"
Avoid repetition in the lead - the first paragraph names the sequels and mentions the ports to other systems, so this sentence in the third paragraph The game's success spawned two sequels and several ports to other video game systems. is not needed. It might be the sentence from the first paragraph could be moved here instead.
Per WP:OVERLINK this is somewhat overlinked - Tecmo is linked twice in just the lead, and common places like America do not need to be linked. My rule is to link once each in the lead, body of the article and infobox. No more.
The language could use a copyedit to clean it up - the word "also" is overused especially. Other examples (not an exhaustive list) follow:
- Unclear who "he" refers to in Before Ryu can find him, however, he is kidnapped by a young policewoman, who hands Ryu one of the demon statues.
- Overly wordy (from the plot): Ryu makes his way into the Brazilian temple, where he finds Jaquio. However, Ryu finds that Jaquio is now holding the young policewoman captive. could be just Ryu makes his way into the Brazilian temple, where he finds Jaquio holding the young policewoman captive.
- Ungrammatical (kiss themselves sounds as if each is kissing themself rather than them kissing each other) and other problems: "Finally, Ryu and the young lady kiss themselves and then she reveals that her name is Irene Lew." WHy the italics? Why give her last name (mentioned nowhere else in the article)? Why not just something like "Ryu finally kisses the policewoman who reveals she is Irene."
Make sure references really back up what is said - I checked one thing at random The book's cover, which was a replication of the North American box art, was infamous for the kunai held in Ryu's front hand being airbrushed out, leaving him prodding an empty fist.[44] The ref says it is a katana that was removed, not a kunai. It uses the word egregious (not infamous). Finally "prodding an empty fist" makes no sense to me - perhaps "leaving him with an empty fist" would be better?
A lot of the refs are from the game or instruction manual - any chance for sourcing the material to reliable third party independent sources?
I am not sure what counts as reliable sources for video games, but make sure the refs qualify.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 20:27, 2 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Noj_R

Intro

I believe separating the release dates with semicolons is better than commas.
For the sake of consistency, can the day the game was released in the USA be found and added?
Instead of "It has been ported...", I think "The title has been ported..." sounds a little better.
Instead of awkward sentences sentences like "The story centers on a ninja named Ryu Hayabusa, whose father was recently killed in a duel. Ryu then sets out for America to investigate his father's death and to seek revenge." Try condensing them: "The story follows a ninja, named Ryu Hayabusa, as he journeys to America and seeks revenge for the death of his father."
"Ninja Gaiden was developed by Tecmo—known for" - This was stated in the first sentence, try removing the redundancy.
"This game" is too particular, use "The game" instead.

Gameplay

"Platforming" is probably gaming jargon, try explaining what it is.
There are three sentences explaining the player's health bar, try condensing.
The gameplay section as a whole needs a copy-edit.

Story

"The story takes place presumably in modern time." - Nobody (including publications) ever allude to the story's setting?
"The crux" - I believe explaining the story step-by-step is better than beginning with a plot overview.
The plot section as a whole seems rather large. Can it be condensed?
The plot section could also use a copy-edit. Sentences like "After Ryu's father, Ken, is killed in a duel with another ninja, Ryu finds a letter written by Ken, telling him that if he should fall, then he must go to America and find the archaeologist Walter Smith." could be better written: "Ninja Gaiden begins with the death of Ken, Ryu's father, by an unknown assailant. Ryu finds a letter written by his father, telling him to find an archeologist named Walter Smith in America."

History

This section should probably be re-titled "Development".
The story section could use some copy-editing: "who would go on to also develop and direct the" -> "who would also develop and direct the" etc.
A citation is needed for the last sentence of the first paragraph.
The article states that the game was ported to the PC Engine in Japan only, but then it states that the game featured an english translation. This should be cleared up.
The last few sentences of the second paragraph talk about the critical reception of of one of the ports. This info should go in the reception section.
"low–priced installments for small groups of levels" - The language is a bit confusing, installments for groups of levels?
"The complete game was planned for mobile release in four installments." - Has this changed in recent times, and is this sentence still referring to the Japanese version?

Reception

A citation should be added for the first sentence.
"despite the fact that Castlevania and Ninja Gaiden have different dynamics, and that several actions possible in Ninja Gaiden would be impossible in Castlevania." This is POV. Reword.
"late in the game; one reviewer has" - These would be better suited in separate sentences.
The reception section could be bolstered with more information from reviewers. Since the game was released on the Wii, there should be plenty of reviews floating around like this one from IGN or Allgame.

Other Appearances

This section could use a little copy-editing, but is mostly alright.

Conclusion: This is a pretty good article. My sister and I love the theme song for this game, haha. -- Noj r (talk) 05:50, 1 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]