Wikipedia:Peer review/Newlands College/archive1

Newlands College

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has been recently refurbished. The new article reflects the school much better with its emblem, the Houses, and some encyclopedic detail. Hopefully it is to everybody's liking. And hopefully the article may be reassessed.

Thanks, Ffgamera - My page! | Talk to me! | Contribs 08:17, 7 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: It's nice to see this article, and I encourage you to expand it. I have a few suggestions for improvement.

The ideal lead should be a summary of the rest of the article. The existing lead should be expanded to include at least a mention of each of the sections such as "Houses", "Arts", and "Sport".

Done Ffgamera - My page! | Talk to me! | Contribs 10:50, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Each paragraph and every unusual claim, set of statistics, or direct quote needs a citation. Some of the paragraphs in the existing article mention no source.

Lead

"Mr. Grant Jones. The current deputy principals are Ms. Deb Mills, Mr. David Pegram, and Mr. John Murdoch." - Wikipedia does not use the titles "Mr." or "Ms." Instead, simply write "Grant Jones", "Deb Mills" (although perhaps this should be Deborah or Debra) on first reference and then just the last name on second and subsequent references.

Done Ffgamera - My page! | Talk to me! | Contribs 10:43, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"Whilst the latter is on leave" - "While" is preferred to "whilst"

Done Ffgamera - My page! | Talk to me! | Contribs 10:43, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

School Executive Council

Unless the "School Executive Council" is its formal name, it should be "school executive council" in the main text and "School executive council" in the section head.

Done Ffgamera - My page! | Talk to me! | Contribs 10:43, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"Newlands College has a school executive with several roles that comprise of students." - Suggestion: "Newlands College has a school executive with several roles for students."

Done Ffgamera - My page! | Talk to me! | Contribs 10:43, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"form class" - Many readers around the world will not know what "form class" means. A brief explanation would help.

Done Ffgamera - My page! | Talk to me! | Contribs 10:43, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Arts

The Manual of Style, found at WP:MOS, recommends slightly longer paragraphs than the ones in this section. Generally, one-sentence paragraphs should either be expanded or merged with other paragraphs.

Citations

The citations should include author, title, publisher, date of publication, url, and access date, insofar at this is possible. I added the author's name and the access date (using today's date after actually checking the link and looking at the article) to Reference #1 so you could use it as an example.

Images

I have two thoughts. One is that when I click on the source links for the two images, I'm sent to the official school web site but not to the specific page that shows how the images are licensed by the copyright owner, most probably the school. Since the site itself is marked with a copyright notice, I suspect that the images are under private copyright and can't legitimately be tagged with a Creative Commons license. This might be a blessing in disguise because it might be fun to try to capture better photos with a digital camera, upload them to the Wikipedia Commons, and tag them with a Creative Commons license that would be legitimate. If you do that, they should be .jpg files, not .png files. The .jpg files are better for photos.
I fiddled around with the layout a bit. It's generally best to set the image size to "thumb" rather than forcing a numerical pixel width.The images should be positioned so that they do not overlap the section breaks. This gets easier to do as an article gets longer. I had to add an additional "upright" parameter to the second image to make it fit. This is only necessary in the case of vertical images that seem too big even set at "thumb".

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. Good luck with expanding the article. Finetooth (talk) 20:24, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! Very useful indeed! And thanks for contributing to the article's structure too! Ffgamera - My page! | Talk to me! | Contribs 10:53, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]