Wikipedia:Peer review/Newcomb ball/archive1

Newcomb ball

I've done about as much as I can on this for now and would like some comments on possible improvements. There aren't a lot of sources online. In working on this, I get the impression that the game is probably much more significant than I thought (not hard, given that I thought it was kid's volleyball!) There is some speculation that it was a significant influence in the development of volleyball (I would have assumed that the opposite was the case) and the significance of the game in the development of women's team sports seems to be of some significance. I am not sure I have reflected this in the article. Any suggestions/edits would be really appreciated. Wikipeterproject 12:03, 24 January 2007 (UTC)

• Comments:
  • "The object being..." - very awkward sentence. Can't it be rephrased simpler?
  • "shall not constitute a fould" - foul?
  • "By this time The Spalding sports equipment company" lower case the
  • ageement - needs r
  • "The Rules" rather long section, we don't need to be a thorough rulesbook. A paragraph covering the most important ones should suffice.
  • "In circa" - awkward
  • Mexico[7], China[8], - ref after comma
  • "is as follows:" - last 2 words redundant
  • Was the Division Line just a rope, or a net? Later rules seem to specify a net.
  • Are later rules a quotation? If so, use quote marks and cite.
  • "a teams wins a point," - team
  • Why is Newcomb ball no longer played competively? Was it actually ever played competitively? Could use more on how the sport became less popular.
  • "named after Sophie Newcomb College" - this is an important point, and should be in the early article, probably the header, not relegated to a footnote.
  • "was fist coined" - first
  • Some terms are in quotes the first time they are introduced ("Division Line"), some not (Captain, Boundary Lines)
  • "size 1 for grammar grades and size 2 for " - what is a "size" for a ball?
  • "from the Division Line ." remove space before .
  • Did anyone comment on the fact the Rules refer to players as "he", when the game was intended for women? Or was it so intended?
  • " los of time" - loss?
  • Stepping on the court was a foul? How's that?
  • "tha ball." - the -- AnonEMouse ^(squeak) 19:22, 22 February 2007 (UTC)