Wikipedia:Peer review/NDA (song)/archive2

NDA (song)

Previous peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because I wanted to upgrade the article status to a featured article, while the previous peer review was not as helpful as I wanted.

Thanks, infsai (talkie? UwU) 02:54, 24 February 2023 (UTC)

STANDARD NOTE: I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template.

Since you are still working on nominating your first FA, I would suggest seeking a FA mentor. They can comment on this PR and guide you through the FAC process. Z1720 (talk) 02:41, 27 February 2023 (UTC)

Ippantekina

Howdy! I'm chiming in real quick based on my first impression on the lead.

• Phrasings such as "while", "as well", "additionally" etc. are almost always bad wording. Try to minimise them as much as possible. To demonstrate, I present some crisper alternative wordings as follows,
  • "Lyrically, "NDA" speaks about Eilish's battles with fame and for privacy, as well as touching on her relationships." → Inspired by her relationships, "NDA" has lyrics about Eilish's struggle with fame and fight for privacy.
  • "The track's production and vocal performance were acclaimed, while its themes left some critics divided. Additionally, in some reviews, issues were taken with the song's lack of relatability or placement within Happier Than Ever." → Critics acclaimed the production and vocals, but some took issue with its themes and said it was a misplacement on Happier Than Ever's track list.
• Passive voice is a no-go. Some examples to demonstrate this point better,
  • "The track's production and vocal performance were acclaimed" → Critics acclaimed the production and vocals
  • "issues were taken with the song's lack of relatability" → some took issue with its themes...
  • ""NDA" was promoted by a self-directed music video," → Eilish self-directed the music video for "NDA", which...
  • "Similarly to the song, the visual also was dubbed as dark, eerie, and moody" → Critics said the video's atmosphere effectively accompanied the song's production and described it as dark...

Those are my two cents! Ippantekina (talk) 16:27, 28 March 2023 (UTC)

@Ippantekina: Hi, thanks for those suggestions. I already applied them to the article, and I might start to re-write the article to make it better. It's definitely not the third time I'm going to do this haha. infsai (talkie? UwU) 16:14, 29 March 2023 (UTC)

I know prepping for FAs is daunting and the prose is a major criterion. I suggest taking a look at this piece of advice which helped me tremendously. All the best, Ippantekina (talk) 07:10, 30 March 2023 (UTC)

Query from Z1720

@Infsai: it has been over a month since the last comment. Are you still interested in receiving comments, or can this be closed? Z1720 (talk) 01:46, 3 May 2023 (UTC)

@Z1720: It'd be lovely to hear new comments! infsai (talkie? UwU) 16:25, 3 May 2023 (UTC)

@Infsai: I suggest asking for comments in the Wikiprojects attached to this article. Since you are also still working on passing your first FAC, I suggest finding a FA mentor who can help by leaving comments for this article. Z1720 (talk) 16:52, 3 May 2023 (UTC)

@Infsai: It has been another month since the last comments. Is this ready to be closed? Z1720 (talk) 15:44, 5 June 2023 (UTC)