Wikipedia:Peer review/Myst III: Exile/archive1

Myst III: Exile

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I hope to take this to FAC sooner rather than later. Mostly, I'd like help or suggestions with prose, since that's my Achilles heel, but of course any other comments are appreciated. --Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 15:06, 5 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Should Image:MystIIICover.png be moved to Wikipedia Commons under Ubisoft's OTRS permission, like the other image is? Kariteh (talk) 22:33, 5 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I dunno... other articles with OTRS from Ubi haven't (such as Image:Tcr6vcov11.jpg.) I believe Ubisoft only allowed screenshots in the permissions. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 13:03, 6 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on lead from User:BuddingJournalist
- Spot the simple grammatical error in the first sentence. Usually, I'd fix this myself, but I think it's a good example of why re-reading your writing over and over is a good idea.
- "console versions were later released." Think about where the emphasis is and where it should be, and then see if rearranging words might bring about a stronger construction.
  - What I was trying to imply here (perhaps I was unclear) was that "released later" seemed to me to be a more logical ordering. The rest of your changes look good! BuddingJournalist 22:15, 8 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- "The Stranger pursues the thief in an attempt to take back the Age." Unclear to me (someone who has never played the game). Attempt to take back the book perhaps?
- "after a rigorous presentation." What does that mean?
- "sought to develop an artistic, more contained approach to puzzles and Ages than Riven had" The placement of "more" means that the "artistic" is out of place, since it's not being compared. What does "contained" mean?
- "as time wore on" -> too informal and in-universe. You're using "more" again, but it's unclear if this is a comparison to the previous games or whether the "more" is connected to the "as time wore on" concept. BuddingJournalist 22:14, 7 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC. They look fine.

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 00:15, 16 June 2008 (UTC)