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Wikipedia:Peer review/My Happiness (song)/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…it's been a GA for a while, and I'd like to get it featured at some stage.

Specific things; prose, article layout (is it clear? does it flow?) and ensuring all the sources are OK.

Cheers, dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 11:19, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]


Ruhrfisch comments: Article seems pretty well written and sourced to me. I would ask User:Ealdgyth to check the refs / sources. Here are my suggestions for improvment, most fairly nit-picky:

  • Per WP:LEAD the lead should probably be three paragraphs long. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way.
  • A model article is useful for ideas and examples on structure, refs, style, etc. There are a large number of singles that are FA at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Music that may be useful models
  • I am not Australian and had to click the links to see what the ARIA Awards and APRA Awards and the Triple J Hottest 100, 2000 were. Can the article provide more context to the reader - WP:PCR?
  • This is a fragment Sain journalist Christie Eliszer, describing the song as one of numerous "acoustic strumalongs" on the album.[2] either use "described" or there is a phrase missing at the end.
  • Problem sentence He also noted later that the song was about time spent on the road, touring, and the distance from loved ones;[6] the purpostedly "depressing" nature of "My Happiness" and its fellow Odyssey Number Five track "These Days" saw Fanning dubbed "Mr Miserable" by music journalist Peter Holmes of The Sun-Herald.[7] has a typo "purpostedly", it says "later" but the article never gives a time frame for the earlier quotes, I am not sure how well the two parts go together (either side of the semicolon - does the Fanning information in the first part really lead into the journalist reaction in the second part?), and finally the last part is a bit awkward, perhaps something more like the purportedly "depressing" nature of "My Happiness" and its fellow Odyssey Number Five track "These Days" led music journalist Peter Holmes of The Sun-Herald to dub Fanning "Mr Miserable".[7] would work better?
  • "Touring and promotion" section is all US and a little Europe, what about Australia?
  • Is the girl in the skirt at the end of the video the same as the girl on the train at the start? Plot of the video seems a bit detailed. Any critical reception on the video?
  • More context needed perhaps At the time of the single's release, [the band's previous album] Internationalist ...
  • Could be clearer - The single featured "My Kind of Scene" as a B-side; the song had already received strong airplay .. "the song" is a bit vague, how about something like The single B-side featured "My Kind of Scene", which had already received strong airplay ...
  • SInce the article is about the single, should it be Furthermore, "My Happiness" topped the Triple J Hottest 100 in 2000,[32] and [the video] appeared on the DVD release in the same year.[33]?
  • Awkward verb - perhaps "expressed surprise" Adams also remarked surprise that "My Kind of Scene" was only released ...?
  • Problem sentence - missing word(?) and second part of the sentence does not follow for me at least The Newcastle Herald's Chad Watson agreed, describing a mixture of acoustic and electric [sound? guitar?] and "a restrained yet warmly infectious chorus".[35] The first phrase on he agreed seems to refer to surprise at the B side not being a single on its own, so how does the second part follow?
  • Since it is made clear early on what album this is from, does every mention of it have to spell out Odyssey Number Five? What about just using "the album"?
  • Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 15:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks so much, it was really helpful. I'll try and do more PR work than I currently do. :) dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:03, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Efe comments Some sections are jumbled. Need rework. The article is not comprehensive. Here are some comments below.

That's all for now. I'll re-read the article after some suggestions are addressed or objected accordingly. Im not a good copyeditor so another fresh eye(s) would be better. --Efe (talk) 03:03, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks! dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:55, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Welcome DM. --Efe (talk) 03:40, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Drewcifer's comments Looks pretty good! I have some minor suggestions, but nothing too earth-shattering. Otherwise, I'd say this bad boy's close to being ready for FAC. My suggestions are in no particular order, just they order in which I noticed stuff.

Hope this comments have helped. Let me know if you have any concerns with my suggestions or if there's anything else I can do to help. Drewcifer (talk) 07:26, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks! dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:10, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • PS. I complete disagree with Efe's suggestion to remove the charts. Plenty of FA articles have such info, but more importantly, it presents facts that are better done in a table rather then prose. Drewcifer (talk)
    • Comment I disagree. One chart only contains three entries. Usually, charts are used when there are a lot of entries that it can facilitate easier and smooth browsing than a prose. --Efe (talk) 09:39, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]