Wikipedia:Peer review/Museum of the Rockies/archive1

Museum of the Rockies

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I think it's a good article (by common talking, not yet necessarily by GA standards. I have improved it, and want to improve it further. I'd appreciate general help since WP:MUSEUMS is still small and we don't yet necessarily have the ability to review these. Thanks, _{TravellingCari}^{the Busy Bee} 16:47, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review by bibliomaniac15: I think it's a pretty good article, but it could use more beefing up.

Why is the TOC all the way at the top?
I think more should be said about the history of the museum itself. The article is not very detailed on this.
In the Tinsley House section: "Children try on clothes and play with toys typical of time time and the house includes a functioning outhouse, water pump and kitchen where food typical of the time is sometimes prepared." Repeated use of the word "time" and odd juxtaposition. Separate the Children part and the house including a functional outhouse into two sentences.
You first mention Jack Horner in the first paragraph of Paleontology, but he is only called "curator Horner," with no links or explanation. Move the wikilink up to his first mention and describe who he is.
Paleontology section: "Apart from housing one of the largest collection of dinosaur fossils in the world and the largest in the United States, as well as the world's largest Tyrannosaurus skull narrowly beating out that of Chicago's Field Museum, the museum's Siebel Dinosaur Complex, designed by curator and paleontologist Jack Horner is home to one of the first identified female dinosaurs, an ovulating T. rex." I think that there are too many sidenotes in this one sentence, and it's cutting into the flow. Break it down.

That's what I've found so far, but I may reread it to catch what I haven't found. bibliomaniac 1 5 22:45, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, biblio. It's late here so just a quick comment re: the TOC. I didn't know where else to put it. When I didn't assign it somewhere, it looked odd with the wide infobox. What do you suggest? I'll work on your other suggestions in the morning. Thanks so much for the feedback. _{TravellingCari}^{the Busy Bee} 03:39, 13 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I've made a few changes to the article, including a reduction of redundant wikilinks. It is not necessary to wikilink every noun, and you certainly want to avoid wikilinking the same word twice in the same paragraph. I also advise against wikilinking United States altogether: none one reading Wikipedia is unaware of what that is. There were some other Manual of Style issues: scientific names of organisms such as Triceratops and Tyrannosaurus appear in italics. If you can, I recommend downloading Firefox: it has a built-in spell check when you edit a Wikipedia page. Avoid abbreviations: "and" instead of "&", "twelve" instead of "12", etc. Avoid wikilinking dates, and link to an article page instead of a redirect (Dinosaur instead of dinosaurs). Overall, a good read. Like Bibliomaniac, I'd like to read more. Firsfron of Ronchester 04:32, 13 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Travellingcari Further Comments

Biblio, I think I cleaned up the paleontology section as well as Tinsley -- the redundant "time" was a case of fingers and brain not in sync. I agree about needing more on the history, I need to did further into Google News archives to see what appeared when it opened. A lot of the current discussion just has the same paragraph that the museum's own page does. I also want to find more about other parts of the museum. There are some articles that say Tinsley House is the reason to go but if that's true, it's certainly under-represented in the news. A search picks up the museum in almost any dinosaur article that mentions Horner and his connection to the museum. I'd also like to find more re: the planetarium and the culture of the rockies, if possible.

Firsfron, thanks so much for the MOS and general clean-up. This is my first real foray into scientific subjects so I'm not too familiar with the MOS related to what needs italics. I do have Firefox but I think the spell checker might need to be turned on. I will check when I'm back on that computer. Could also be a version issue, I've frequently commented that Wikipedia needs a spell checker and that will help solve the issue. I'll be mindful of articles v. re-directs.

_{TravellingCari}^{the Busy Bee} 13:08, 13 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The spell checker on Firefox underlines a word in red when it thinks the word is misspelled. It's not always correct (because it doesn't know a lot of words), but it's quite useful for catching common spelling errors. Best of luck with the article, Firsfron of Ronchester 18:07, 13 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Casliber

OK, prose looks good at first glance. Some ideas:

WHo is Caroline McGill? A couple of adjectives or epithets may help. Nothing fancy. Local businessperson/first lady/ etc. Was it a posthumous bequest?

Could expand the paleontology section - e.g. the last sentence is tantalising and probably not worthy of an article itself, so expanding it here would be appropriate. Also, where did montana specimens end up early on before the museum established itself as a paleontology centre.