Wikipedia:Peer review/Mangalore/archive2

Mangalore

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this article is already a GA. Suggestions to promote this article to FA status will be very much helpful.

Thanks, Kensplanet (talk) 17:01, 20 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I think this is quite an interesting article and it seems to have a great deal of information in it. I think it needs some MOS clean up and a good copyedit to reach FA level. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

A model article is often useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are many city FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Geography_and_places, including Ahmedabad, which may be useful as models.
The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but Etymology and Climate do not seem to be in the lead, as two examples.
I also think the lead could be four paragraphs - please see WP:LEAD
Per WP:MOS#Images, images should be set at thumb so reader preferences for width takes over. Vertical images can be smaller with "upright"
Some of the sources may not meet WP:RS - what makes www.inida9.com (Ref 19) a reliable source, for example?
Refs are also not consistent - Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
Provide context for the reader - just in the lead I had to click on Western Ghats to understand what they were, but it were "Western Ghats mountains" or perhaps mountain range, that would be clearer. See WP:PCR
Spell out numbers ten and less, so New Mangalore Port is India's ~~9th~~ [ninth] largest cargo handling port[,] handling 75% of India’s coffee exports and the bulk of its cashew nuts.[5] Also is there a way to avoid handling twice in the same sentence?
Another awkward sentence - what does "by Mangalore standards" add? Does Mangalore have different standards for temperature and humidity compared to the rest of the world? The most pleasant months in Mangalore are from December to February – during which time the humidity and temperature are the lowest by Mangalore standards.[36]
For help with a copy edit ask one of the volunteers at WP:PRV or one of the editors listed at WP:LOCE
Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 16:55, 27 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Kensplanet

A model article is often useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are many city FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Geography_and_places, including Ahmedabad, which may be useful as models.
- We will try to emulate the style of all FA's as far as possible.
The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but Etymology and Climate do not seem to be in the lead, as two examples.
- We are working hard to modify the Lead. We are trying to include details from each and every section.
I also think the lead could be four paragraphs - please see WP:LEAD
- The Lead is now of 4 paragraphs as per WP:LEAD
Per WP:MOS#Images, images should be set at thumb so reader preferences for width takes over. Vertical images can be smaller with "upright"
- Done. All Images set at thumb.
Some of the sources may not meet WP:RS - what makes www.inida9.com (Ref 19) a reliable source, for example?
- (Ref 19) removed since it fails to meet WP:RS. Additionally, all such refs which fail to meet WP:RS and WP:V removed
Refs are also not consistent - Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
- We are working to make Refs consistent. It may take some time.
Provide context for the reader - just in the lead I had to click on Western Ghats to understand what they were, but it were "Western Ghats mountains" or perhaps mountain range, that would be clearer. See WP:PCR
- We are working to provide context to each and every such term which may be unknown to many people. It may take some time.
Spell out numbers ten and less, so New Mangalore Port is India's ~~9th~~ [ninth] largest cargo handling port[,] handling 75% of India’s coffee exports and the bulk of its cashew nuts.[5] Also is there a way to avoid handling twice in the same sentence?
- Done
  Old Sentence: New Mangalore Port is India's 9th largest cargo handling port, handling 75% of India’s coffee exports and the bulk of its cashew nuts.
  New Sentence: New Mangalore Port is India's ninth largest cargo handling port. It handles 75% of India’s coffee exports and the bulk of its cashew nuts.
Another awkward sentence - what does "by Mangalore standards" add? Does Mangalore have different standards for temperature and humidity compared to the rest of the world? The most pleasant months in Mangalore are from December to February – during which time the humidity and temperature are the lowest by Mangalore standards.[36]
- "by Mangalore standards" removed.
  Old Sentence: The most pleasant months in Mangalore are from December to February – during which time the humidity and temperature are the lowest by Mangalore standards.
  New Sentence: The most pleasant months in Mangalore are from December to February – during which time the humidity and temperature are the lowest.
For help with a copy edit ask one of the volunteers at WP:PRV or one of the editors listed at WP:LOCE
- Surely, we will contact them once the article is ready for a FAC. Till then, we'll try to improve the article in our own ways.
Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.
- We'll try to resolve all such issues.
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at {{Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog}} (which is how I found this article).
- In response to your peer review of our article, I have peer-reviewed an article named Hindu-German Conspiracy whose review can be found here Wikipedia:Peer review/Hindu-German Conspiracy/archive2

Thankyou for the review, Kensplanet (talk) 17:09, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

You are very welcome - thanks for your review too! Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 16:19, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]