Wikipedia:Peer review/Malawi/archive1

Malawi

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Hi everyone! This article recently passed a GA review, and I would like to see what more needs to be done before I take the article to FA review.

Thanks, Dana boomer (talk) 01:35, 12 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments from 206.71.52.13 (talk)

Lead

• Too many ands in the second sentence. I would suggest making it is separated from Tanzania and Mozambique by Lake Malawi into its own sentence or, if possible, adding earlier on in the sentence about its borders with countries.
  • Done. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• and includes good diplomatic relations with most countries - the word "good" is ambiguous.
  • Changed to "positive". I'm basically trying to convey in one word that they're not at war with anyone, nor likely to be in the foreseeable future. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• The economy is heavily based in agriculture - please add a percentage in brackets.
  • As this is the lead, it is supposed to be a general overview. If people want exact percentages, they can go to the body, IMO. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• with a largely rural population. - same as above.
  • Same as above Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• Malawi has several programs developed since 2005 that focus on these issues. - should be "Malawi has developed several programs ~"
  • No, because Malawi didn't develop all of these programs. Some of them were developed by outside entities. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• Malawi has a low life expectancy and high infant mortality. - in comparison to what? The world? Africa? Please note this.
  • Again, the lead is a general summary. I got complaints before the GA that the lead was too long already, so I shortened it a bit and don't want to lengthen it again. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• ...with several languages are spoken and an array of religious beliefs. - remove the word "are" to make sense or change something else.
  • Done. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• Although there was tribal conflict in the past - when? 2007? 1800s? Please add dates.
  • Again, the lead is a general summary. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• it had diminished to almost nothing - change it to something like "decreased considerably" or find a statistic.
  • Changed to "diminished considerably". Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• Malawi has a strong culture - probably POV, change to "Malawi's culture combines native and colonial aspects."
  • Done. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)

Other

• This article should be written in African English, not American.
  • I have never heard the term "African English". Wikipedia generally recognizes British English and American English. It is generally the preference of the main editor, although this can change depending on the subject. As I am American, I write in American English, and have a hard time finding words that should be changed into British spellings (not to mention my spell checker yells at me cause it thinks they're wrong!). I have had no other comments about the American spelling, so unless I hear more about this later, I'm just going to leave it as is. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• Remove the list of regions, as it creates too much white space. Try filling the section up with information on regional heirachy.
• The axis on the graph in demography should be labeled.
  • They are, you just can't see them because the image is small. I could make it bigger, but then I'd run into issues with forced image sizes. I've added some information about what years the graph covers, so that should help. Dana boomer (talk) 20:21, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• I think there are some inline citations missing by just scanning it. My rule of thumb is to have one inline citation per sentence and to not have inline citations in the lead, because everything in the lead should already be mentioned below and thus cited.
  • Every sentence does not need a citation. Everything here is referenced (I know that because I wrote the whole thing), and each reference covers everything that comes between it and the preceeding reference. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• Places like the US and UK shouldn't be wikilinked, nor army, government etc.
• The picture of the president should be in politics, not history.
  • Moved. Dana boomer (talk) 20:21, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• If you can find any pictures of history, they would really help, but they're not a requirement for FA.
  • Haven't been able to find any so far, but will keep looking. Dana boomer (talk) 20:21, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• The map of regions should be labeled on its own description page, otherwise the numbers are useless.
  • Changed to a non-numbered image. Dana boomer (talk) 20:21, 17 November 2008 (UTC)
• (In infrastructure) - internet doesn't need a capital letter, nor wikilink.
  • Internet is actually supposed to be capitalized (it's a proper name, despite the way it is used in many informal settings). I'm on the fence about de-wikilinking it, so for the moment, I'm going to leave it the way it is. Dana boomer (talk) 20:45, 17 November 2008 (UTC)

Hope that helps a bit!

I've added some of my replies above. I will continue working on the other comments (the ones I have not replied to). Let me know if you have any additional comments...I always appreciate the input. Dana boomer (talk) 19:57, 17 November 2008 (UTC)