Wikipedia:Peer review/Magdalena Neuner/archive1

Magdalena Neuner

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've worked on it based on a translation from the German article, and I'm interested how it might be improved further.

Thanks, EnemyOfTheState_|talk 22:12, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This looks overall at least GA quality to me, here are some suggestions for improvement.

• I would add a date to sentences like Neuner has won 14 World Cup races and she has achieved 22 podium finishes. from the lead - presumably this may change in the future.
• Since the relative age of her sister is given (younger) why not say her brothers relative ages too (presumably older?)
• This reads well but could use a copyedit to polish some rough places - for example Her parents were reluctant, but they eventually supported her ambition of a professional sports career.[6] sounds a bit stilted and might read better as something like Her parents were reluctant, but they eventually supported her ambition to become a professional biathlete.[6]
• Article does a nice job providing translations of most German words, but Zollhauptwachtmeisterin is not translated (Head customs official??) and there may be other examples
• Add words here Germany's women's national coach Uwe Müßiggang had already considered her [for the team] two years earlier ...
• There are several Presque Isles in the US, I would add Maine to the 2006 Junior/Youth World Championships in Presque Isle, United States
• Is Microsoft Encarta a WP:RS?
• There seem to be many references that are identical / repeated - these should be combined. For example current refs 36 and 37 seem to be the same and refs 51 to 54 are also apprantly all the same. Ask on my talk page if you do not know how to do this.
  • These references are actually not identical. The IBU website gives pages with results from the same World Cup identical titles. EnemyOfTheState_|talk 22:21, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
    • OK< thanks for clarifying that - not sure what to do in this case - the refs can't combined, but is there anything that could be added to make clearer that they are different? Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 00:42, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
      • I included the type of race in the link titles to get rid of the identical reference titles. EnemyOfTheState_|talk 15:10, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:12, 10 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for your comments. I tried to make some appropriate changes. EnemyOfTheState_|talk 22:21, 10 June 2009 (UTC)