Wikipedia:Peer review/Liam Miller/archive1

Liam Miller

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I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to gain a broad perspective on how it can be improved.

Thanks, Sunder land 06 16:10, 10 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from ChrisTheDude (talk · contribs)

Done His name should be shown as William Peter "Liam" Miller, not with the "Liam" at the front
Improved flow Second paragraph of the lead is made up of very short, choppy sentences
Done Lead refers to MUFC as simply "Manchester", should be "Manchester United", the club is not referred to as "Manchester"
Corrected Martin O'Neill's name is spelt wrong
Corrected Influential is spelt wrong
Corrected "Miller is strong...." - should be "Miller is a strong...."
Corrected "Miller joined Celtic....and made his professional league debut for Celtic" - no reason to say Celtic twice here
Cited Alleged "outcry" from Celtic supporters is not sourced
Sourced In fact the whole MUFC section is completely unsourced
Removed stunning "stunning" 4-3 win is not NPOV
Removed in sentence starting "in July 2006" there's no reason to use his full name
Fixed Next sentence starts with "and", this is grammatically incorrect
Corrected No reason for capital s on "summer"
Removed "Miller has so far...." - as of when....?
I'm guessing that was vandalism, as Sunderland have never played Barcelona Wikilink Barcelona
Corrected "Liam Miller has been placed...." - again, no reason to use his full name
Removed "Several reports have linked...." - unsourced
Corrected "bizarrely" is spelt wrong
Done I think a much more in-depth explanation of the situation whereby he was suspended but still played is required - how was this allowed to come about? What were the ramifications for the team?
Done "where he a good run and a superb 25 yard shot rifled into the top of the net" - first bit is missing the word "had", also "good run" and "superb shot" are not NPOV
I will comment it out until he scores another Is an "international goals" table really required for a player who has only scored once?

ChrisTheDude (talk) 10:08, 11 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Eddie6705 (talk · contribs)

There are a few short snappy sentances such as- It was made clear that Miller was not part of Alex Ferguson's plans, as, despite the huge number of senior players missing, he was still only a substitute, in the opening game of the Red Devils' tour of South Africa - which could be rearranged or split into two
Removed Does 'Cork, Ireland' need to be mentioned twice in the first sentance of background?
Removed -Why is the Red Devils in italics in the Manchester United paragraph but not the Leaving Old Trafford one?
Removed Link with Aberdeen is unsourced.
No, its the same match 'Sunderland went on to lose the match...' should be a new sentence.
On second looking, the above sentance has a comma in it, whereas a similar sentance later on in the paragraph has 'and' in it, 'and Sunderland went on to lose the game 2–0'.
- So it doesn't look repetitive. Sunderland06 (talk)
Done 'he bizarrely played' should be new sentance.
Done Shouldn't 'even though' be put in before the section 'he was suspended after recieving...'?

Hope that helps. Eddie6705 (talk) 20:15, 11 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]