Wikipedia:Peer review/Kobe/archive1

Kobe

Have done quite a lot of work on this article over the last six months, and would like to see it promoted to GA-status. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. -- Exitmoose 23:38, 1 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

A really good start! I really like the steamboat woodcut, it's just outstanding and very relevant. Now for the comments:

The intro seems a little short, and needs to adequately summarize the entire article. Should be written in more fluid prose and give a concise summary capable of standing by itself.
"...and is a part of the Osaka-Kobe-Kyoto metropolitan sprawl..." probably needs a better choice of words.
"It was one of the first cities to open for trade with the West, in 1868, and as such it is known as a cosmopolitan port city." Say something about who they were trading with. Was it tea? Ceramics? Something else? BTW I know the Dutch were trading with japan in the mid 17th century, so might want to check facts on whether Kobe was really one of the first cities. And "it was one of the first cities (in Japan you mean?) to open for trade with the west..." try being specific here.
"...and as such it was known as a cosmopolitan port city." Again, needs rewording to make it flow. It is not entirely clear why a port city would be cosmopolitan. (Should insert something about how outside influences were transmitted by trade routes, and Kobe was city to be exposed to these changes first) and might say what kinds of changes were brought and by whom.
"...a number of companies" how many? avoid the vague.
"Kobe's history dates back to the 8th century when..." you mean AD, right?
The history section needs a better lead and needs to copyedit to make it a coherent whole. Seems too short.
Keep the woodcut picture, but I don't see why the Weathercock house img is important here. Also try a better caption on the woodcut, pointing out the steamboat as a vessel of trade.
"Following the Meiji restoration..." flesh out this section more.
"The history of Kobe is closely tied to that of the Ikuta Shrine, and..." you just talked about the history in origins, which didn't mention this, so move up to history.
"...It was one of the most costly natural disasters in modern history." better watch out with a statement like this, esp not cited. Isn't every natural disaster nowadays "one of the most costly in history?"
"Kobe has a population of 1,530,295..." in what year?
"...the longest suspension bridge in the world." mention the length
"...encapsulated in the Japanese phrase, "If you can't go to Paris, go to Kobe." why not give the Japanese version followed by English translation?
"...residences from the 19th century (see History)." inelegant phrasing.
"Most of the movie Sayonara takes place in Kobe." why not "Most of the 1957 romantic drama Sayonara takes place in Kobe." and mention what scenes, what parts of kobe, and how does that choice of locale impact the plot of the movie.
Is this the standard map used for Japanese city infoboxes?

Otherwise good content, just needs to be more focused and emphasize more details about what kind of trading went through Kobe historically and how that shaped the city. Emphasize how Kobe being a port city made it more cosmopolitan and mention the impact on the city. The history section probably needs fleshing out too. Otherwise, an interesting article. Jeff Dahl 04:36, 3 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 03:29, 5 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]