Wikipedia:Peer review/Kala (album)/archive1

Kala (album)

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is currently a GA and I would like to know what work needs to be done to get it to FA standard.

Thanks, ChrisTheDude (talk) 11:53, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This article is in good shape and seems close to ready for FAC. I have a few suggestions for further improvement.

Lead

• The first sentence includes a parenthetical instruction to the reader to do something. I'd omit this on grounds that Wikipedia articles avoid addressing the reader directly. "You" is the implied subject of the sentence, "See 2007 in music".
  • I'll see what the music MOS advises on this point -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:41, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
    • The music MoS specifically says that asides of this type should be used....... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 13:24, 4 February 2009 (UTC)
• M.I.A. - Generally abbreviations are spelled out on first use. Suggestion: "Kala is the second studio album by British musician Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam (M.I.A.), released in August 2007
  • While I'm aware of the guidelines governing abbreviations, it's not really an abbreviation, though (it doesn't technically stand for anything), it's her artist name. Your suggestion is equivalent to asking for Death Certificate to lead with "Death Certificate is the second studio album by rapper O'Shea Jackson (Ice Cube)" or My Aim Is True to start "My Aim Is True is the debut album by Declan McManus (Elvis Costello)", both of which read quite poorly, IMO -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:15, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
    • Agreed. Maybe you could work her name into the composition and recording section. I think it's important, especially for those unfamiliar with her work, to include it somewhere in the article. Finetooth (talk) 18:32, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
      • Done -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 13:24, 4 February 2009 (UTC)
• "The album features a variety of musical styles" - Delete "a variety of".
• I'd recommend against linking common terms such as "musician" and "dance". It's hard to imagine readers who would have to click on a link to find out what they mean.

Composition and recording

• It might be interesting to read, briefly, what the visa dispute was about.
  • I have yet to find a source that actually specifies anything more in-depth than "she was refused entry to the US", although obviously I will keep looking -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:41, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
    • Found a little bit to add, not too many details seem to be in the public domain, though.... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 13:24, 4 February 2009 (UTC)
• A. R. Rahman has periods and a space, but DJ Znobia does not. Should they be the same for consistency?
  • DJ is a title rather than a name and is never written with dots or spaces. I will check what the MOS says about names which use initials rather than an actual name -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:41, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
• "where a school of 22 drummers, The Tapes, were recorded for Kala" - A bit puzzling. Is the school called The Tapes or is the group of drummers called The Tapes? Is "school" being used to mean something like "school of fish" or does A. R. Rahman run a school at his studio?
• "after Znobia was involved in a car accident. She" - Assuming that "she" refers to M.I.A. rather than Znobia, "M.I.A." would be more clear here than "she".
• "M.I.A. and Switch used Apple's Logic Pro" - Rather than linking Apple and Logic Pro sequentially, which looks like a single link, you might say, "relied on Logic Pro, a digital audio workstation to record and edit the music".

Music and lyrics

• "Kala is named after M.I.A.'s mother, following on from her previous album, Arular, which was named after her father." - Slang, I think. Suggestion: "Kala is named after M.I.A.'s mother. Her previous album, Arular, was named after her father."
• " 'Boyz' and 'Bird Flu' utilise" - Replace "utilise" with "use".
• "reference various Jamaican dance" - Remove "various".
• "as the least like club music" - Wikilink "club music".
• Consider spelling out MC on first use.
  • It doesn't stand for anything, though, it's a term for a person who raps -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:33, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
    • I was guessing that it meant Master of Ceremonies. Finetooth (talk) 18:32, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
      • Back in the 1970s maybe, but (to quote our own article MC) "As hip hop progressed, the title MC has been thought to mean a number of acronyms such as Microphone Controller, Microphone Commander, Mic Checka, Music Commentator, and one who Moves the Crowd". I think in 2009 it would be erroneous to state that MC in a rap context actually stands for anything specific -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:09, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Artwork

• A link to "fractal" might be more helpful than a link to "neon".

Promotion and accolades

• In the paragraph starting with "Kala achieved a high placing on most publications... ", the references should be placed right after the punctuation, if any, rather than before it. For example, (Stylus Magazine[43]), should be (Stylus Magazine),[43].

Critical reaction

• "Whilst commenting that" - The Manual of Style deprecates "whilst". Use "while".

References

• The "retrieved on" date normally includes the day and month as well as the year. In a citation like #53, it's OK to check the link and use the date of that check as the "retrieved on" date. Checking #53 just to try this out, I noticed that the cited article lists a publication date and a group of authors. Where possible, it's good to include author(s) and publication dates in the citations. I suggest fixing these before going to FAC.
  • There seem to be a problem with the citation template, as all the refs have "accessdaymonth"s specified, but they are not displaying. I'll raise this at the Village Pump if it hasn't already been flagged up...... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:38, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
    • It appears that you fixed the access date part of the problem. Finetooth (talk) 18:32, 3 February 2009 (UTC)

Images

• You might consider moving the Afrikan Boy image to the left so that the people in the image look into the article rather than out. The article could use at least one more image. Why not use Image:M.i.a.1.jpg? The image licenses on this one and the two you already have look OK to me.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 19:46, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

• Many thanks for your comments, I have addressed most of them. Please see above for responses to the remaining few..... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:41, 3 February 2009 (UTC)