Wikipedia:Peer review/Irresistible (Jessica Simpson song)/archive3

Irresistible (Jessica Simpson song)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to know if I can improve this article more to make it an FA. The article has been copyedited and I feel with this PR, it can be nominated again for FA. Thanks, Novice7 (talk) 12:48, 19 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Nikkimaria's comments on prose

The song features multiple acoustic pianos?
"A music video for the So So Def remix was also filmed featuring appearances" - reword, probably with a comma after "filmed". Overall comma use needs some attention - try reading the article out loud and looking for places where you would naturally pause
According to the article you link to, the correct capitalization is "Disney Channel Original Series"
"over-usage of digital sound manipulators" -> "over-use" or "excessive use/usage"
Why the dashes around the blockquote?

Removed. Novice7 (talk) 06:47, 30 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"The song is mostly of the dance-pop genre[9][10] with elements of pop rock,[11] funk music,[12] and Latin rhythms" - this reads somewhat awkwardly. Again, reading the article out loud helps resolve this and similar issues
"to a key" doesn't make since from a grammatical or musical perspective
Repetitive phrasing in the discussion of the song's range, check for others
"following a musical setting that is beat-oriented" - what does this mean?

I believe it means that the music is developed around the beat. Novice7 (talk) 06:47, 30 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"the song carries some effeminate viewpoints that Sheyne had managed to incoporate through her contribution" - phrasing is awkward, and "feminine" would make more sense than "effeminate"
"close at hand" is too informal a phrasing for this context
"the song demanded for "total fulfillment""; "The version featured on Lizzie McGuire soundtrack" - grammar
"also includes disco influenced string arrangement" - grammar, need a hyphen in "disco-influenced"
"Both the remixes" -> "Both of the remixes" or "Both remixes"
Wikilink pressing, Wallonia?
"Similarly, Chuck Taylor of Billboard also" - having both similarly and also is redundant, check for other redundancies
"Taylor complimented the uptempo, contemporary appeal of the track and felt that "Irresistible" would be a staple airplay song at radio" - this passage is difficult to follow

I modified it a bit. Novice7 (talk) 08:08, 4 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"street edge" should either be quoted or reworded, look for other informal phrasings
"something unheard from Simpson's previous material" - either replace "from" with "in", or reword to "something not previously heard from Simpson"
I realize you're trying to use synonyms to avoid repetition, but "annotated" is taking that too far
Chart performance needs editing for prepositions and conjunctions, particularly the first paragraph
"reaching its peak position of number sixteen, the fourth week on the chart" - replace comma with a connecting word
"Netherlands" -> "the Netherlands"
"critics gave the music video received mixed reviews" - grammar
US or UK English? For example, you use both "criticized" and "criticised"
Check footnote placement - footnotes should come immediately after punctuation when it is present, and unspaced after the word when it is not
Where is Wango Tango? Nikkimaria (talk) 14:03, 24 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much for your comments Nikki. I'll start fixing the issues soon. Novice7 (talk) 14:13, 24 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Almost done. I'll fix the rest too. Novice7 (talk) 06:47, 30 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I haven't finished the comma issue. I'll fix it soon. Thanks again. Novice7 (talk) 08:08, 4 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]