Wikipedia:Peer review/Introduction to virus/archive2

Introduction to virus

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am a virologist and I am trying to write a general introduction to viruses for lay readers. I am not overly concerned about comprehensiveness because this is covered in the main article. Thanks, GrahamColm ^Talk 12:49, 22 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

From SandyGeorgia

Left-aligned images under headings, see WP:MOS#Images
In "Life-cycle", there is a list of bolded items that have inconsistent punctuation (Penetration: the others don't have a colon).
Some stubby sections: "Coevolution theory" has only two sentences. Can it be merged or expanded?
I am not a fan of 400px images like in "Protein synthesis"; others are :-) I prefer to see 300 max.
Text squeeze in "Antiviral drugs", see WP:MOS#Images.
See also includes terms that are already linked in the article, like Virus (see WP:GTL).
Ask User:Brighterorange to run his dash-fixing script (page number ranges in citations should use endashes
Citation style isn't consistent. Some use cite journal, while others were done manually and don't use the same punctuation, italics, etc., and some are missing PMIDs.
Linking:
- DNA is linked at least three times in the lead, RNA at least twice, bacteria twice; review all linking.
Prose:
- repetitive wording ... that reproduces inside the cell of another organism. It reproduces by ... of itself. To reproduce ...
- something wrong here: To reproduce, a virus uses the cell's protein, DNA and RNA building-blocks and this usually kills the infected cell.
- this is awkward, better word than small?, better connection of clauses? Viruses are small and it would take 30,000 to 750,000 of them, side by side, to cover one centimetre.
- The "and" here isn't working, and if this is an intro article, it should be very accessible, and ... well ... I'm already lost here :-) Viruses consists of three parts: the genetic material, a nucleic acid that contains all the information necessary for the production of progeny viruses, a protein coat that protects this genetic material, and some viruses have an envelope of fat. If it's three parts, I want to see three components in the sentence, so don't know why the "and some viruses" gets stuck on there, which makes four. And, if it's an intro article, progeny needs to be simplified and explained here, at this level, rather than linked.
- Same thing happens in the next sentence: if it's an intro article, it needs to be *very* accessible (as in 12-yos): Capsid shapes vary from simple helical and icosahedral (polyhedral or near-spherical) forms, to more complex structures. Do 12-yos know what icosahedral and helical mean?
- Keep the order of terms (plant animal bacteria) the same so as not to confuse reader: ... either animal, plant or bacterial types. Plant, animal and bacterial ...
- Bad news (I'm dumber than the average bear :-) Since this is an Intro article, it needs to be very very digestible to someone who knows nothing about biology. This doesn't tell me what an organelle is, so I have to click on it. What are these important functions? If viruses don't have organelles, what is the "those" they must use "within a cell to reproduce"? They rob it from the host cell ? I'm just not getting it on an intro level :-)
  - Within cells are structures called organelles; these have one or more important functions and along with cell enzymes, they are needed for metabolism and life. Viruses do not have organelles and must use those within a cell to reproduce. Outside a host cell, viruses are completely inactive (dormant) and are neither alive nor dead. It is controversial whether viruses are actually living organisms. Some people consider them non-living since they do not meet all the criteria needed to be defined as a life form. However, viruses have genes and they evolve.
- Whoa. First time I hit the word genome, it's not linked, and if I'm 12 years old, I don't know what to do with words like genome: Viruses with larger genomes, such as poxviruses ...

I stopped there for now. Work on these issues and making it more accessible, and I'll keep reading later? Regards, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:55, 23 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

WP:LEAD, four paragraphs. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 04:01, 28 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]