Wikipedia:Peer review/Hmongtown Marketplace/archive1

Hmongtown Marketplace

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This peer review discussion is closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I recently expanded it quite a bit and I'm seeking feedback on the writing style and whatever else may be relevent to a future content assessment. I wasn't sure which topic to put this under.

Thanks, Pingnova (talk) 17:11, 24 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Pingnova: Would you like me to do a B-class assessment now with detailed feedback (on improvements, in the scenario that the article does not yet meet B-class criteria)? Yue🌙 06:13, 15 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, yes that sounds good. Thank you! Pingnova (talk) 15:52, 15 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

B-class review

It is suitably referenced, with in-line citation:
The quality of the sources cited is okay.
The article heavily relies on local news coverage, which is fine for B-class articles but would likely fail a Good Article review.
It reasonably covers the topic, and does not contain obvious holes:
The second, third, and fourth paragraphs in the lead should be in their own section, perhaps titled "Description" or something similar, and be summarised in the lead. Most of the article is not summarised in the lead; the lead is currently acting more as an introduction (see MOS:LEAD for details as to the purpose of the lead section of articles on Wikipedia).
The article would benefit from an expansion on the Hmongtown Festival, perhaps warranting its own section.
The article loses focus at times, going into personal anecdotes of the market's owners or sharing their personal opinions and goals. This is appropriate for the market's website, promotional materials or perhaps local news coverage, but not for Wikipedia.
It has a defined structure:
The order of the main prose sections should be "History" → "Culture" → "Expansion", by convention.
"Culture" may not be the best name for that section given that it primarily discusses businesses in Hmongtown and not any particular expressions of Hmong culture aside from a mention of the Hmongtown Festival. Hmong culture seems like an important aspect of the Hmong businesses being discussed, but the focus is not the other way around, i.e. Hmong businesses being an important aspect of Hmong culture being discussed.
The sentence on vaccine clinics in the "Events" section would fit better under the "Medical" section.
It is reasonably well-written:
The article is reasonably well-written with a few instances of awkward phrasing.
Full phrases should be used instead of contractions (e.g. "do not" instead of "don't").
Given the topic of the article, the prose was closely read for promotional wording; no significant issues were found.
It contains supporting materials where appropriate:
Generally good use of images throughout the article.
I do not understand the importance of the photo of the garden tools, but its inclusion or exclusion would not affect the quality of the article in any obvious way.
It presents its content in an appropriately understandable way:
There are no accessibility issues.
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
The article at present is at a C-class rating. The article is generally well-written and well-sourced, but its focus and prose formatting needs improvement. The lead section does not function as a lead section but as an introduction to the topic. The focus of the content in some places does not match the presumed scope of the section based on its name. The voices of the market's owners are unnecessarily inserted into the article through personal anecdotes, opinions, achievements, and goals. Some parts of the article read like they are from an article about Toua Xiong or Nou Xiong, not the Hmongtown Marketplace. Overall an okay article, definitely not a Start-class article, but not a B-class article either (yet). Yue🌙 01:07, 16 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, thank you for the feedback! I will work on the issues you raised. What do you think would be a better title for the Culture section? Because it encompasses food, art, and medical practices I wasn't sure what title fit best. There is a lot of different stuff in Hmongtown.

IRL, Hmongtown does strongly tie its history to the owners' history and the collective history of the Hmong community. I can see if there's a better way to tie that closer to the marketplace in the text. If not I'll remove some of the stuff focused mostly on the founder. Pingnova (talk) 02:27, 16 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]