Wikipedia:Peer review/Henry Wadsworth Longfellow/archive1

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'm hoping to get this read for an FA review soon. The question is: Is it ready as it stands? It seems somewhat short and I'm not sure where to expand. Despite living a long life, it was a pretty boring one so I'm not sure how much more in-depth the bio needs to be. Perhaps under Writing style? Criticism? Legacy? Improvements to the prose are also welcome. Thanks in advance. --Midnightdreary (talk) 04:37, 11 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is nicely written, appears to be well-sourced, neutral, stable, and sufficiently illustrated. After reading the article's talk page, I think I should add that I'm not a Longfellow expert, and I don't know for certain that the article is comprehensive. I have a few tiny suggestions about the prose.

Lead

"Longfellow himself died in 1882" could be shortened to "Longfellow died in 1882".

European tours

The precise sum of $2,604.24 might be a bit more readable rounded to $2,604. The level of precision to the nearest penny seems odd anyway because it was an estimate.

"Elizabeth" should be set off by commas in " ...his favorite sister Elizabeth had died... ".

Courtship of Frances

I'd unlink George Stillman Hillard here because he's linked just a few sentences earlier toward the end of "European tours".

I add "as" to "However, Longfellow himself wrote..." so that it reads "However, as Longfellow himself wrote... ".

Death of Frances

In "no candle or wax but the fire started", I'd add a "that", so that it reads "no candle or wax but that the fire started... ".

Death of Frances

To avoid repeating "his" and "bad enough", I'd suggest re-casting the sentence that starts "His own injuries to his face were bad enough that he stopped shaving,... " and instead saying something like "His facial injuries caused him to stop shaving,...".

Later life and death

This sentence is puzzling: "Scholars generally regard the work as autobiographical, reflecting the translator as an aging artist facing his impending death." Perhaps something like this would work: "Scholars generally regard the work as autobiographical in the sense that both men were aging artists facing impending death."

Style

The Manual of Style prefers "use" to "utilize". Thus: "using anapestic and trochaic forms".

I'd suggest adding the word "high" before the word "quality" in "called for the development of quality American literature".

Perhaps "several countries, including European, Asian, and Arabian countries" could be re-cast to avoid repeating "countries".

If you find this truly brief set of suggestions helpful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:34, 16 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth, thanks - as always - for giving a thorough review. My apologies for not responding sooner as I've been in (and still am in) Edgar Poe bicentennial mode. Great suggestions all around! --Midnightdreary (talk) 17:51, 24 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]