Wikipedia:Peer review/Heaven Upside Down/archive1
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I've listed this article for peer review because it was recently promoted to GA, and would like to see if I can manage to get it promoted to FA, much like I did with Marilyn Manson's previous album The Pale Emperor. This article has needed more intensive work than The Pale Emperor, because of the title change and the delays in it being released. This is the aspect of the article that I think could confuse the casual reader, so would appreciate feedback on that specific point in particular (i.e., is the transition from Say10→Heaven Upside Down confusing in any way? Have the details about the delays and the Donald Trump beheading video been introduced in an understandable way? Et cetera). I'd appreciate any feedback at all, to be honest. Thanks, Homeostasis07 (talk/contributions) 00:56, 12 July 2020 (UTC)
Comments from Damien Linnane
[edit]- "despite Manson initially suggesting otherwise" - it might be worth clarifying in the lead whether Manson suggest he would appear (from reading that I wasn't clear if he was trying to falsely suggest he did appear)
- "where he was filming scenes for Salem" - I don't think you need to clarify what they were filming since it's clear from the previous sentence.
- "or the lyrics to Eat Me, Drink Me track 'If I Was Your Vampire'" - can you be more specific? It would be interest to know what the lyric was.
- "You just made Moscow sound like your bitch." - it would be interesting to mention that he played in Moscow two days earlier.
- Why not wikilink Jessicka?
- "which left him with a diffuse axonal injury, a type of traumatic brain injury" - does this have some implication for the band? Was he going to tour more with them then had to cancel? It seems a little off topic otherwise; at the bare minimum maybe add an update on his ability to tour/play music.
- Unfortunately, I can't find a source containing this sort of information. But his injuries were very substantial (looking at his GoFundMe page—a link to which I can't include here as the entire website is somehow blacklisted.) But he was in a coma for several weeks, and will need considerable rehab to get back on track. He's a credited bassist on the band's next album, We Are Chaos, so I assume he would've been their bassist for the foreseeable future. Will try to expand this part over the next couple of days. Homeostasis07 (talk/contributions)
- "Heaven Upside Down entered the ARIA Charts at number four, making it the band's sixth top ten album in the country" - I'd clarify which country that is to the reader. It isn't remotely clear unless you click on the ARIA link.
Looks really good. I'd support this at FAC once those issues are addressed. Feel free to ask me any questions in the meantime. Damien Linnane (talk) 08:19, 30 August 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review, @Damien Linnane: I've rewritten/re-sourced all the issues you've mentioned above, with the exception of the one I responded to. Thanks again for your time. ;) Homeostasis07 (talk/contributions) 23:33, 1 September 2020 (UTC)