Wikipedia:Peer review/Goldmoon/archive1

Goldmoon

This was my first attempt to expand a fantasy character article into something better, referenced and interesting to read. I must thank Tony1 and especially BrianSmithson for their examples and suggestions. I am hoping to get a peer review for every character in the Dragonlance saga, starting from this one, to achieve Good Article status in every of them, and leave them polished enough to match a Featured Article (even if it never becomes one). -- ReyBrujo 15:29, 22 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Nice work. My main concern is that some of the sentences are rather long, and could use some judicious editing to break them into two or more shorter sentences. An example is the 2nd sentence, 2nd paragraph of the character background section. Also the statement that "first childhood love in the barbarian Hollow-sky is discovered" at first left me wondering if Hollow-sky was a person or some type of primitive ritual. Perhaps "love of"? Nowhere in that sentence does it actually say "he", so I'm unclear if Hollow-sky is a man, woman, or something else. Thanks. — RJH (talk) 20:21, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for the feedback. In my attempt to keep a good flow, I merged too many sentences into just one. I decided to remove the statement about her childhood love (yes, Hollow-sky is a man), as it was not necessary (leftover from a previous version). I will do a full review of the article looking for other long sentences. Thanks again! -- ReyBrujo 02:00, 10 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]