Wikipedia:Peer review/George Harrison/archive1

George Harrison

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is a core article for WikiProject The Beatles and is of a lower class than most others in its topic. It and Ringo Starr need to be taken up to GA-class so I can submit 'The Beatles personnel' to become a Good Topic. Therefore, I would like advice on how to improve this article to GA-class.

Thanks, Dendodge Talk^Contribs 20:06, 30 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I generated an automated peer review of this article. I don't think the summary style one applies, and the weasel word seems to be fine. Therefore, it hasn't really helped, but it's saved someone else the trouble of doing it. Dendodge Talk^Contribs 21:59, 30 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Gary King (talk · contribs)

Format references per WP:CITE/ES to include at least a publisher and access date
"George Harrison visiting the Oval Office in 1974." – remove period from non-sentence
"George Harrison," – why the comma?
"Honours" section is just a bunch of small paragraphs. Merge them coherently.
entire article needs more references

Gary King (talk) 21:26, 2 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the suggestions. I've removed the full stop from the image caption, and I'm about to start merging the 'Honours' section. I'll find publishers for the references after that, and reference some more statements. However, I've left the comma as we normally put them before MBE (e.g. Paul McCartney). Dendodge Talk^Contribs 16:24, 3 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A couple comments. First, great work! George is one of my top four favorite Beatles! ;)

Throughout, there is a tendency for short, choppy paragraphs of two or even a single sentence (under "Honours", for example, this is the second paragraph: In 1970 Harrison and the three other Beatles won the Academy Award for the best Original Song Score for Let It Be.). For readability, I always suggest a minimum of three sentences per paragraph. This actually might be easy to do; some of the sentences are very long and are just asking to be split in half. Case in point, at the end of the 1990s section, In 2001, Harrison performed as a guest musician on the Electric Light Orchestra album Zoom, played slide guitar on the song "Love Letters" for Bill Wyman's Rhythm Kings, remastered and restored unreleased tracks from the Traveling Wilburys, and wrote a new song, "Horse to the Water". I see what it's going for there, but it's a bit overwhelming.
~~Could I suggest that the "Death" section become a subsection of the main bio? Not sure why I'm asking for permission; consider that a suggestion. :)~~
I'd also suggest, along those same lines, that the Personal life section incorporate the section on his Marriage to Patti Boyd and his interest in cars as subsections.
I agree with Gary about more references. One example is the claim that he was "an accomplished gardener" - and not a single reference in that paragraph to support the claim.

Sorry I didn't do a more thorough review of the prose. Let me know if that's what you could use. --Midnightdreary (talk) 14:25, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your suggestions. I'm starting work on them now. Dendodge Talk^Contribs 15:53, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]