Wikipedia:Peer review/Gas/archive1

Gas

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I just finished re-writing it and I wanted to get some feedback on quality and clarity.

I am planning on moving on to the simplified gas models such as ideal and perfect gas and later creating some more related articles.

Thanks, Katanada (talk) 05:44, 26 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments by RJH

I have a few (hopefully useful) comments:

• Please take a look through the Wikipedia:Manual of Style to see how it can be applied.
• The lead is much too brief. See: Wikipedia:Lead section. As written it might also be applied to a plasma (you specifically mention ions and electrons), so I think more care needs to be taken to distinguish the states of gas and plasma.
• The "Physical Characteristics" section shouldn't refer to the "aforementioned particles" (or depend upon the content of the lead section), but should instead start from the beginning. I.e. the lead is a summary of the article body. The "force field" analogy seems a little unorthodox to me, but I guess it's okay.
• The article needs inline citations so that editors know where to look in order to confirm the facts.
• Virtually all of the sections are far too short, resulting in an overly long table of contents. Some have multiple "main article" links embedded within the section, rather than at the top. Please consider merging and/or expanding the entries.
• There are too many bulleted lists. Please consider converting these to prose.
• Please run it through a spelling/grammar checker. I'm seeing "througout" and "with with" (DONE), for example, as well as some minor grammar issues. Also you'll need to check for passive voice such as "it is typical", and vernacular such as "over-kill" (DONE).
• Please remove the "NOTE:". It looks unencyclopedic. (DONE)
• The "See also" section is empty. Please remove it. (DONE)

Thanks.—RJH (talk) 21:51, 26 February 2008 (UTC)