Wikipedia:Peer review/Francis B. Wai/archive1
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've recently added a lot of references and tried to improve this the best I could. It was difficult considering that Francis Wai died at an early age and you have to really search for sources. I want to nominate this as a good article but I need some constructive criticism.
Thanks, --Ðysepsion † Speak your mind 00:28, 22 February 2008 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: First off, this is a good start and it is obvious that a lot of work has been put into it. I think it needs some more details and work to become a WP:GA though.
- I looked again at the Good Article criteria and think this would would fail on several points.
- Criteria 1a - there are several places where the prose is less than clear and there are grammar issues. For example, it used to read Growing up, he often surfed with Duke Kahanamoku regarded as the father of the sport of surfing and Buster Crabbe who later become an actor. This makes it sound as if Duke is regarded as the father of Buster. I fixed it to read: Growing up, he often surfed with Duke Kahanamoku, regarded as the father of the sport of surfing, and Buster Crabbe, who later become an actor. Or the photo caption Wai during the beginning of World War II should be cleaned up - perhaps Wai at the start of World War II? (The source does not specify this - how do you know?)
- Criteria 1a - there are also spelling errors (at least one - "along side" instead of "alongside"). it needs a copyedit / proof reading.
- Criteria 3a - it does not seem to me to address all major aspects of Wai's life. What is there is fine for the most part, here are someunanswered questions: what were his parents names, did Wai marry or have children, did he have any siblings, what were the four sports he was involved with at UCLA, what else did his unit do in the war before his death? I realize this will be difficult to find out, but as the article currently stands, it is not complete enough for GA.
- I do not understand this part - he graduated in 1939 (probably May or June), WWII did not start in the US until Dec. 1941, but he was called into active duty before that - when?. Being in the National Guard is not generally a full-time job. What did he do between graduation and active full-time duty?
Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 20:40, 11 March 2008 (UTC)