Wikipedia:Peer review/Ferris Bueller's Day Off/archive2

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has undergone much editing since the previous peer review and may be eligible for FA status.

Thanks, The lorax (talk) 18:56, 18 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Maria

This is such an iconic film, so I'm glad to see that the article is being actively developed. While it's definitely heading in the right direction, I would not suggest nominating for FAC anytime soon. There are issues with the prose, as well as the coverage perhaps being a little too comprehensive. In short, the article is overly long and there are parts that are not well written enough for FA-status. Here are some specific concerns/suggestions for improvement:

I've used a bot to fix hopefully all of the dashes per WP:DASH, but be on the lookout for others.
I suggest asking for one, if not two, highly thorough and detail-orientated copy-editors for help with the prose. Things don't flow as easily as they should for an FA. For example:

The film follows high school senior Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), who decides to skip school and spend the day in downtown Chicago. -- To avoid some of those pesky, parenthetical asides for the actors, how about: "Mathew Broderick stars as high school senior Ferris Bueller, who skips school to spend a day in downtown Chicago"?
The first sentence in the plot section is a run-on and therefore difficult to follow.
Another unwieldy sentence from the plot: Ferris even uses his ploys to pretend he is Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, to dine at an upscale restaurant, Chez Quis, while narrowly avoiding his father, who is on his way to lunch with business associates.
Meanwhile, Mr. Rooney has gone off-campus to try to find Ferris -- "goes", not "has gone". Keep the tense active.
At the end of the day, Ferris and his friends retrieve the Ferrari... -- another run-on sentence.
As he was writing the film in 1985 Hughes kept progress on Ferris Bueller in spiral-bound logbook. -- Ferris Bueller the character, or Ferris Bueller the film? This sentence is also awkwardly constructed; I'm not sure what the point is.

The plot is too detailed, and oftentimes gets caught up in the "cute" minutia of the film. Yes, it's funny when Rooney gets stuck in the mud, chased by the dog, and then kicked in the face, but these details aren't necessary to understanding the plot in a succinct, encyclopedic way. See WP:WAF and WP:PLOTSUM for more info on how to write a concise plot summary; in short, it shouldn't simply be a recap of everything the film shows.
Because there is a separate "Cast" section, I don't believe cast-members need to be referred to in parentheses in the plot.
Be careful about linking obvious terms: kissing really stood out to me, but there may be others.
The "Casting section" seems strangely skewed towards Alan Ruck, with three paragraphs dedicated to him, with numerous quotes. I suggest cutting it down to one, since the other actors mentioned only get one paragraph. Can small mentions also be made of Jennifer Gray's casting? The parents?
Another point as to the article being too long: why does Grace the secretary get her own subsection under "Production"? Shouldn't this information be under casting?
An obvious red-flag in the FA department: the "Home media" section needs sources.
Speaking of sources, you may run into concerns from the FA-crowd because of the reliance on non-printed material such as websites and online articles. According to WorldCat, there are numerous books and articles dedicated to Hughes' films and career, some of which will almost certainly mention Ferris. If you have access to a library, you may be able to obtain some of these works via Interlibrary Loan. Some titles that pop out at me:

Don't you forget about me : contemporary writers on the films of John Hughes by Jaime Clarke (2007)
You couldn't ignore me if you tried : the Brat Pack, John Hughes, and their impact on a generation by Susannah Gora (2010)
John Hughes and eighties cinema : teenage hopes and American dreams by Thomas A Christie (2009)

These are mainly general comments, but like I said I believe the article is headed in the right direction -- it just isn't there yet. My main suggestions would be: obtain a few copy-edits from well-trained eyes, work on the plot section per WP:PLOTSUM, and look into better sources. Best of luck! María (habla conmigo) 13:32, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]