Wikipedia:Peer review/February 15, 2003 anti-war protest/archive1

February 15, 2003 anti-war protest

I, along with another editor, have put a lot of work into this article. It has recently been rated A-class by the Wikipedia:Version_1.0_Editorial_Team (see here) but I feel that it could do with some fresh eyes to sort out some of the problems that it continues to have. These include; How to organise the page (it is very sub heading hevey), How to organise the referances, lack of pictures etc. Any comments on what this page needs to bring it up to FA status would be appreciated.--JK the unwise 12:33, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Assesment of V.1

An anti-war rally in Antarctica? :P Mourn 15:38, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Yup see [1] for a pic.--JK the unwise 17:04, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I think things like that and the other places where there's a one-line description should be consolidated, although I guess the resulting paragraph would have about ten different links as sources. I think you might want to use footnotes to do so, as one-line paragraphs nonetheless look bad. One of the more experienced Wikipedians can probably help you with that issue. A list on the footnote (giving a source for each protest, perhaps) would be a good idea. Mourn 17:32, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

My comments:

All the subsections in the main sections 'Europe' and 'Other regions' has created lots of stubby subsections, which looks terrible. Ideally, each subsection should be two to three or more paragraphs long. I would suggest merging all these subsections together.
The inline citations need to be converted to footnotes.

Done (Phew!! that was hard work!!) Please could an expericanced user check this over for any mistakes in the wikicode.--JK the unwise 13:46, 5 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Too many of the sentences are too short (specifically in the 'Other European demonstrations' subsection).
Most of the language does not vary, and does not create an interesting and varied read.
No External links section?

Added one.--JK the unwise 13:46, 5 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

More pictures would be a good addition.

— Wackymacs 18:15, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, include the Antarctic protest, that pic should show just how widespread displeasure was. ;) Mourn 00:02, 1 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I have not been able to find any copyright free pictures to be used in the article. The link I provided above to a photo of the Antaric protest leads to a picture that I don't have the copyright of. I am thinking of putting out a call for photos and of emailing anti-organisations to see if they will licience some photos to us.--JK the unwise 13:46, 5 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

It would be nice if the inline html links were converted to footnotes. (Done see above--JK the unwise 13:46, 5 December 2005 (UTC)) There are several typos which suggest that the article needs a spell check. Where the events are reported on there is no narrative created by the text, in Belgium y happened, in Austria z happened- its like the current events page, and the level 3 headings in other regions makes the text to sparse (I would condense these into geographic regions like Asia, Oceania etc.) A criteria that featured articles should aim for is brilliant prose. --nixie 21:44, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I have started to deal with the critism that their are to many small sections and not enough narative by clumping the sections together by their geograthical location. I haven't finnished yet and the article is currently a bit messy, but is this going in the right direction?--JK the unwise 15:34, 5 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Assesment of V.2

The single lines and chopy text are gone and the language has been made more varriedis more varried. I think that I have delt with the first lot of critisms (minus the pictures I am trying to work out how to get some more) and wonder what you make of it now?--JK the unwise 11:59, 6 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

The writing style is fairly atrocious. Someone needs to go through the whole article and fix the usage of commas and periods, and I don't have time to do it. There are numerous comma splices, particularly involving the word "however". But then, the word "however" itself is a red flag showing bad encyclopedic style; it means the article is arguing with itself. Find every sentence (or, if it was written correctly, pair of sentences) that involves the word "however", think about what you're really trying to say, and rewrite the sentence from scratch. If you still need to contrast two ideas, the word "but" will be helpful.

On an unrelated note, where's Boston in this article? The protest in Boston seemed to be quite a sizable event, but it's not mentioned in the list of cities. Or am I thinking of the wrong date? rspeer 02:01, 13 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

If you no of any ref's that refer to a Boston demo supply and I will work them in but as far as I know the big American demos have all been covered.

On the issule of gramar I accept that some of it may need improveing and will attempt to do so. However, I don't see the problem with the use of the word 'however'? For instance what is wrong with this paragrath;

Previously the British press had taken a low view of the newsworthiness of demonstrations, with The Guardian claiming to have a general policy not to cover them. However, sections of the media came over to support this demonstration.

?

Are there any places were I can ask for editors with gramatical flare to come and help me give the article a finnal polish?--JK the unwise 09:39, 19 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Concerning the references: in "Organisation" is the Mayor of London backing in that referenced book? It would be great to find an online source for this since it is most interesting. In "Other Western European" where it says "(The Guardian estimate)" just give a footnote to the edition of that paper, same with "BBC estimate" and "police estimate". Provide a reference for "There were many complaints that the police were heavy handed." Otherwise, the references are fine. Try not to start sentences with numbers. Consider putting the cities/countries with demonstrator numbers into a table, or a series of small tables (one in each section) instead of all those prose statements like "In Luxembourg, approximately 14,000 people demonstrated". This could make reading more effective and referencing easier. I would like to see more on the organization and details of the marches. Perhaps a map of the London, Rome, and New York routes? The headings need to be elaborated upon, for example "Americas" and "Africa" have no text (this is where the effects or other details on that regions marches could go before detailing each march). --maclean25 08:54, 14 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Cheers, I'll work on these issules, though unfortunatly despite years in education my grammar is not up to much. The london Mayor's supporting of the demo is refferenced in the Stop the war book. I can't remember if i have seen it refered to in an online article but I do remember seeing plently of ref's to him speaking at the event, e.g here [2] and heres a article that has him giving a conference b4 the day [3] bigging it up. A quick search on google will also highlight that he speaks at loads of StWC events.--JK the unwise 18:31, 17 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]