Wikipedia:Peer review/Enugu/archive1

Enugu

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I've listed this article for a peer review so it can be bettered which then allows it to progress to become a Good Article. I would also like another 'set of eyes' on this article as I have been the only significant contributor from the time it has been significantly expanded.

Thanks, Ukabia (talk) 04:05, 15 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: I enjoyed reading this article, partly because it is the first article about Nigeria that I've seen come through peer review. I encourage you to keep adding to the encyclopedia. The article is broad in coverage, neutral, stable, reasonably well-illustrated, and generally follows Wikipedia style guidelines, and I think it is pretty close to GA. The prose needs polishing here and there, and I made quite a few small proofing and copy-editing changes as I went along. For example, I added metric-imperial conversions and changed hyphens to en dashes in page ranges and date ranges. Here are a few suggestions for further improvement.

Early history

"The first settlement in the Enugu area was the small Nike village of Ogui." - Would it be possible to give a date for settlement or dates for the slave trade? Otherwise, readers simply have to guess what "early" means.

"The Nike people were allies to the Aro people during the slave trade (an Igbo group) who controlled the trade in slaves in the Enugu area, while horses, used for rituals by the Igbo, were dealt by the Hausa traders." - Awkward because "slave trade" isn't an Igbo group. Suggestion: "The Nike people were allied with the Aro people, an Igbo group that controlled slave trading in the Enugu area. The Hausa provided horses, used for rituals by the Igbo."

Independence and war era to present

Something like "After Independence and the war" would be better. Words like "present", "today", and "now" make readers wonder what specific date the writer had in mind.

Climate

"Met with heavy showers, the rainy season lasts... " - Perhaps "replete" rather than "met"?

"Other weather conditions affecting the city include Harmattan, a dusty trade wind that lasts a few weeks in the month of December and ends a few weeks into January." - Technically, a single month doesn't have as many as "a few" weeks. Perhaps re-phrasing this to say, "a dusty trade wind lasting a few weeks in the months of December and January" would be better.

Economy

"With the creation of the railway... " - It would be good to include the name of the railway.

Agriculture

"tumbled after the civil war and the immediate oil boom years" - "Subsequent" rather than "immediate"?

"groundnut oil, rubber, cassava, cotton and cotton seed" - Wikilink cassava?

Transport

"It is estimated that the project will cost ₦4.13bn." - Could this be expressed in U.S. dollars as well? Most readers will not have any idea what ₦4.13bn means in terms of their own economies.

References

The date formatting in the citations should be consistent. Either yyyy-mm-dd or d-m-y is fine but not a mixture.
Citation 72 needs a publication date. If you can also add a page number, that would be good.

Other

Two fair-use logos probably can't be defended as necessary. The sports logo in particular seems to have been added only for decorative purposes, which is not enough to meet the guidelines of WP:FAIR.
A possibility for expansion is to include a bit more about the geology of the region. How old are the underlying rocks, and how did they get there? What kind of coal is this, how old, how extensive?
The tools in the toolbox at the top of this review page find three links that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets and one dead url in the citations. Also, it's always good to add alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images, to the image information. The alt-text tool is helpful in showing which images have alt text and what it says.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 03:15, 22 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- Thank you Finetooth. I have done everything you have suggested, apart from the expansion of the topic of Enugu's geology which I will try and do later. The suggestions were helpful and I think the article is better off now. Ukabia (talk) 11:51, 22 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  - I've expanded the geology a bit on the subject of coal (age, size, location). Ukabia (talk) 13:14, 22 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Belovedfreak comments

I also enjoyed reading the article and hope to see it develop further. I just had a few thoughts:

Have you looked at the "automated tips" in the box above? One thing mentioned there is that there is a mix of British and American spellings. These should be consistent. Does Nigerian English use British spellings? If so, the article should reflect that.
In the lead, it's not generally necessary to have too many citations. Opinions do vary among Wikipedia editors, but in general, things don't need to be cited that are cited further down the article (bearing in mind that everything in the lead will also be mentioned elsewhere). Unfortunately many readers don't read past the table of contents, and text is a little easier to read with out citations. Anything controversial or likely to be challenged should be cited though, even if in the lead.
File:Enugu 100 logo.png is not a free image so it needs a rationale to explain why it can be used under Fair Use.
Watch out for overlinking. Make sure that you only have wikilinks that would improve the understanding of the reader. Mostly, the article is fine for this, but in the lead, I wonder if you really need a link like capital city.
I notice you use the word "locality" a few times. Is this a generic term, or a specific Nigerian term similar to district? If it's generic, I'm worried that it's a little vague. For example you say "a locality in the city" - I have trouble picturing what that means. That could be a very small area, like a park, or a larger administrative division.
Try not to rely to much on tertiary sources like Encyclopædia Britannica; secondary sources are best. (By the way, Encyclopædia Britannica should be in italics in the references)
Webster's Quotations, Facts and Phrases uses Wikipedia as a source, so isn't reliable. If you look at the end of their entries, [WP] means it's come from Wikipedia.

Hope these suggestions help. --Beloved Freak 21:27, 24 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- Thanks, yeah they helped. I will use your suggestions. Ukabia (talk) 21:39, 24 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- I have carried out all your suggestions. For 'locality' I used 'layout' which is the term for districts in the city. Ukabia (talk) 15:08, 25 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Again, thank you all for your comments. Ukabia...tark 20:10, 2 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]