Wikipedia:Peer review/Ely, Cambridgeshire/archive2

Ely, Cambridgeshire

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I have listed this article for peer review as part of the preparation for a later submission, if the reviewer agrees, as a FAC. If the reviewer could also give consideration to reviewing the WikiProject membership, ratings and classes, that would be nice too. This peer review is part of a process I helped start with this article two months ago. I accept that the holidays are close and therefore editors, including myself, may not be able to devote as much time to this process as would normally be the case. I will however try to work with the reviewer as expediently as I can.

In addition see

Thanks, Senra (Talk) 12:06, 16 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Is it too late to ask for a source spot-check of this article? Many of the sources are on line and for some of those that aren't, I can provide a scan of a limited number of pages per source on request --Senra (talk) 12:30, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: This looks pretty good, but I think it still needs some work before it would do well at FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

The lead seems to me to be a little too focused on history and a little too detailed - couldn't the lead just mention that there is a Roman Road in the city, without going into almost as much detail in the lead as there is in the body of the article.
My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but I do not see anything on government or the Liberty of Ely in the lead (for one example)
It is not clear to me what the pre-historical significance of the first paragraph of Pre-history is. What is the approximate date of the Roswell pits? Who / what used them?
For the fossils found in the Kimmeridge Clays, I would start with the Jurassic era and the animals whose fossils are found - otherwise the first recognizable dates for most readers found in the paragraph are the 18th and 19th century (which are not pre-historic)
We know a lot about Roman history in general, so why is it in "Pre-Istory" section? Also why no mention of the Roman Road in with the rest of the Roman material here? AT least say several Roman Roads were in Ely and surroundings, then go into detail later on them
Problem sentence: The name Ely comes from Old English Ēl-gē meaning "eel region", from the abundant eels in the rivers, meres and marshes around; Elge 731,Elyg 1086 (Domesday Book).[13][14] First off it is not super clear what the end parts mean "Elge 731,Elyg 1086 (Domesday Book)" - I think these are early version of the name? but if so, say so. Second avoid short (one or two sentence) paragraphs wherever possible.

Agreed

Done with help from the reference desk --Senra (talk) 02:05, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The next sentence is before the dates in the problem sentence (673 < 731)
Explain the Isle of Ely
I would use the octagon is "one of the wonders of the medieval world" quote in the lead
I would also have an image of it in the article - there is File:Elylantern.jpg here, or I just uploaded this from Flickr File:The Octagon in Ely Cathedral.jpg
I made one convert template show the adjective form "250-foot (76 m) diameter' vs the clunkioer "250 feet (76 m) diameter"
Make sure to provide contecxt to the reader - I owuld explain that Mary I was Catholic, or that Cromwell later became Lord Protector and executed Charles I, or expalin what caused the riots.
Confusing In The Book of Ely published in 1990, Blakeman writes that "permission was not given" for a memorial to the martyrs to be placed on Palace Green.[30] In 2011, a plaque recording this martyrdom event was erected on the north-east corner of Palace Green by the City of Ely Perspective.[33] Who did not give permission in the 1990 book? When? Why? Who changed their mind? When? Why?
I would have more on the plague and the reformation / dissolution of the abbey than just this The diaries of writers and journalists such as William Camden, Celia Fiennes, Daniel Defoe, John Byng and William Cobbett illustrate the decline of Ely after the 14th century plague and the 16th century reformation which led to the dissolution of the monastery in 1539.[45]
WHy did they choose to restore the cathedral so early?
Not much in "Victorian and twentieth-century regeneration" from the 20th century
Liberty of ELy and Westminster are again not very clear to non Britons - a short introductory sentence or two for each would help make them much clearer. "Historically the Bishop of Ely enjoyed great political power as well as religuos authority..." or something like that.
MOS says not to use 'single quotes' for anything but a quote within a quote - use "double quotes" instead

Agreed

Done --Senra (talk) 02:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

MOS also says not to mix citation / footnote templates - so either use the cite famil or use harvnb, but not both - I tried to click on some of the roman numberal res and they did not work on my browser
Avoid needless repetition - see A cannon, captured during the Crimean War at the Siege of Sevastopol (1854–1855) and gifted to Ely by Queen Victoria in 1860, is located on Palace Green, west of the cathedral.[131] The inscription reads "Russian cannon captured during the Crimean War presented to the people of Ely by Queen Victoria in 1860 to mark the creation of the Ely Rifle Volunteers".[132] and almost all of this is repeated again in the caption for the cannon photo
Avoid WP:OVERLINKing - Roswell Pits is linked at least three times in the body of the article
Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:07, 10 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Doing... acting on your above useful comments --Senra (talk) 13:56, 10 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Just a note to say I am still on this. It may take a few days to get around to it all