Wikipedia:Peer review/Elm Farm Ollie/archive1
| Toolbox |
|---|
I did a complete re-write of this article and would love peer feedback. I corrected a few factual errors I found. I removed text that was either plagiarized by previous editors, or had been plagiarized by other websites, as it was word-for-word the same as text found elsewhere on the Internet. I also addressed the issues raised in previous cleanup banners. I added structure to the article, and brought in more context to help fill in the story beyond the obviously entertaining "cow flew" information to frame Elm Farm Ollie's adventure within the larger historical scope.
I know there is still room for improvement. I appreciate feedback on all elements of the article.
Thanks, Sevey13 (talk) 18:05, 12 September 2024 (UTC)
Airship
[edit]A cute little article. I'll provide comments from a basic standpoint below.
- I see my previous revision to bring the article in line with MOS:OVERSECTION was reverted; I won't re-revert, but I will note my continued disatisfaction at the idea that an article with no headings is somehow worse than one artificially divided into single-paragraph sections.
- Be careful that the body's careful lack of certainty—"Up until the expo, no cow is known to have flown."—is maintained in the lead. At the moment, it is not, and we have the firm statement "the first cow to fly in an airplane" instead.
- While we're on the topic of the lead, it should probably be expanded to at least three sentences (one for each paragraph?)
- I can see the relevance of the last two links in the "See also" section—the first three are probably too tangential.
- In terms of prose, a couple of points:
- "She has been enshrined in Wisconsin" normally means that a literal shrine has been erected in Wisconsin; you'll want to say "in Wisconsinian/Wisconsinite/Wisconsiner tradition" (whichever adjective is correct).
- "turned up ... over the decades" is a little too informal for an encyclopedia. "contributions to the Elm Farm Ollie corpus", although quite funny, is probably similar.
If you have any questions, feel free to ping me. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 23:59, 31 October 2024 (UTC)