Wikipedia:Peer review/Eggtown/archive1
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I am hoping to take this article on the fourth season episode of Lost from the Lost WikiProject to FAC shortly; however sgeureka has noted that "the prose … need[s] some more polishing" and 97198 always has comments and if they are posted here, the FAC page will not get crowded. Thanks, –thedemonhog talk • edits 02:26, 8 March 2008 (UTC)
Comments from Redl@nds597198:
- "In the United Kingdom, Lost brought in 1.1 million" - everyone understands, but maybe add 'viewers' just for clarification/easy-reading purposes.
- "Alan Sepinwall ... because he was also unimpressed" - maybe switch wording to 'he also was unimpressed', because the first time I read this I assumed it meant he was unimpressed with something else, rather than he was unimpressed with the same thing as other critics.
- "ninety-plus days" - now, I'm not personally counting days, but I'm curious as to where we lost track?
- "the plot was presented at a slower pace" - to me it just makes more sense to say something like 'the plot progressed'. Can't really think why, but it's not vital anyhow.
- "Kate spends the night with James "Sawyer" Ford (Josh Holloway) but does not sleep with him" - the almost-euphemism 'to sleep with' for having sex kind of confuses things here. She slept with him, however she did not have sex with him. (That's my understanding, anyway - correct me if that's wrong!)
- "Daniel Faraday (Jeremy Davies) stares as three face down cards" - should that be 'stares at'?
- "Kate is famous as one of the Oceanic Six. Kate is tried for her numerous crimes" - the latter Kate should probably be a 'she'.
- The Production section references Kate's possible pregnancy however this is never mentioned in the plot. To me this was a pretty significant part of the episode, also considering the producers said ages ago that it would be revealed whether or not she was pregnant by episode four. Thoughts?
- "If she could choose to play another Lost character, it would be Claire" - how about saying that Evangeline Lilly has said that she'd choose Claire?
- "it puts her in a much different situation from previous seasons" - I'm not sure if it's because I speak in Australian/British English, but 'much different' doesn't sound very right to me.
- How about saying 'Jeff Jensen of Entertainment Weekly suggested that..., while John Kubicek of BuddyTV guessed that...' even though the latter sentence is pretty long?
- ""Eggtown" continues Lost's pattern" - maybe add some nowiki tags around the third apostrophe thing because the markup is getting confused with whether it's an actual apostrophe or part of the italics.
- "calling the trial, "blandly delivered" and Lilly and Fox, "expressionless"" - IMO there needn't be commas after 'trial' and 'Lilly and Fox'.
- "Jensen of Entertainment Weekly thought..." - he's mentioned earlier, but maybe say 'Jeff Jensen' as a courtesy to readers - it's hard enough to remember the actors' last names!
Hope that helps! And one of my personal favourite episodes, by the way, even if it is only because I like Kate ;) •97198 talk 03:25, 8 March 2008 (UTC)
- See changes. As for the timeline: According to Lostpedia, "Eggtown" takes place on days 95 and 95/Christmas and December 26, 2004. In "The Constant", which should be set on day 95/December 26, Desmond and Sayid look at a calendar, which indicates that the date is December 24. Desmond then calls Penny, who still has wrapped presents in front of her tree. So either Gregg Nations and the production team messed up, Lostpedia messed up, there is a time warp, or nobody has been marking off days since Minkowski got sick and Penny likes to wait to open presents. I suspect that it is a continuity error. But until we get some confirmation (hopefully in the next podcast), we're saying season 4 takes place in late December over 90 days after the crash. See also Talk:The Constant. And I will add a paragraph to the production section about the conclusion of Kate's pregnancy storyline. Thanks, –thedemonhog talk • edits 02:41, 9 March 2008 (UTC)
- Good to see someones paying attention - even if it isn't the people who should be! •97198 talk 04:25, 9 March 2008 (UTC)