Wikipedia:Peer review/Eden Hazard/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is of importance towards the current state of association football with the player being one of the most sought-after footballers in the world.
Thanks, Joao10Siamun (talk) 12:35, 8 January 2011 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is broad in coverage, well-organized, and seems well-sourced. It has some prose problems, particularly a tendency to add modifying clauses to the ends of sentences instead of next to the nouns they are meant to modify. I note several examples of this pattern below, but I did not attempt to make a complete list or to suggest other options for all of them. I think you can probably find and improve them, but the assistance of a copyeditor might also be helpful. You might be able to find one via WP:GOCE#REQ.
- Abbreviations like FIFA and UNFP should be spelled out as well as abbreviated on first use for readers who might not otherwise know what they stand for.
- Some word and number combinations look awkward if separated by line-break on computer screens. Examples are things like "number 26" and "88th minute". These awkward breaks can be prevented by adding a no-break code between items that you want to keep together. WP:NBSP has details.
Lead
- "Hazard is also a member of the Belgium national team making his debut at 17 years and 316 days in a friendly match against Luxembourg." - Rather than tacking the "making" clause to the end of the sentence, where it seems to modify "team", would this be better: "Hazard, who made his debut at 17 years and 316 days in a friendly match against Luxembourg, is also a member of the Belgium national team"?
Personal life
- It's usually better to expand or merge one-sentence orphan paragraphs like the last one in this section. I think expansion would be the better option in this case. Would it be possible to add a sentence or two about Hazard's immediate family? What is his wife's name? When did she and he get married and where? What is the baby's name? Can anything interesting be added about his wife? Is she a footballer too, for example?
2008–09 season
- "With Lille trailing 2–1 in the waning minutes of the match, Hazard, after Lille took a corner kick, quickly scooped up a short clearance from Auxerre and took a right-footed shot just outside of the box that beat the keeper drawing the match 2–2 in the 88th minute." - A bit too complex. The last clause, for example, seems to modify "keeper", but it does not. Suggestion: "With Lille trailing 2–1 in the waning minutes of the match, Hazard, after Lille took a corner kick, quickly scooped up a short clearance from Auxerre and took a right-footed shot just outside the box. It beat the keeper and tied the score 2–2 in the 88th minute."
2009–10 season
- "Notable clubs included English clubs Arsenal and Manchester United, Italian club Internazionale, and Spanish clubs Barcelona and Real Madrid with French football legend Zinedine Zidane personally recommending the player to the latter club." - "With" doesn't make a good conjunction with which to tack on clauses at the ends of sentences. Suggestion: "They included English clubs Arsenal and Manchester United, Italian club Internazionale, and Spanish clubs Barcelona and Real Madrid. French football legend Zinedine Zidane personally recommended Hazard to Real Madrid."
- "Hazard began the 2009–10 season on a quick note scoring in the Lille's first competitive match of the season against Serbian club FK Sevojno in the first leg of the club's third qualifying round match in the UEFA Europa League contributing to Lille's 2–0 victory." - The note was not scoring, and the League wasn't contributing. It's better to recast sentences like this to place modifying clauses snug against the things they modify. Suggestion: "Hazard began the 2009–10 season on a quick note by scoring in Lille's first competitive match. The goal, contributing to the team's 2–0 victory, came against Serbian club FK Sevojno in the first leg of Lille's third qualifying-round match."
2010–11 season
- "On 7 October, Belgium national team manager Georges Leekens stated that Hazard needed to work harder, both physically and mentally, to regain his form of last year citing his recent spell on the bench at Lille." - Here's another sentence that depends on tacking a modifying clause to the end of a sentence instead of placing it next to the thing it modifies. Suggestion: ""On 7 October, Belgium national team manager Georges Leekens, citing Hazard's recent spell on the bench at Lille, said that the player needed to work harder, both physically and mentally, to regain his past year's form."
Tables
- I would remove the double-bolding of Lille, Belgium, and Europe from the tables by unlinking those three terms. They are already linked in the text, and WP:MOSBOLD advises generally against double-bolding.
References
- Citation 13 links to The National, but it should link to the supporting news story. Use the url for the supporting document (news story in this case) rather than a general url. I noticed this on a spot check of the citations. Be sure to check the others for this sort of thing.
- Citation 74 lacks the publisher's name, Transfermarkt. Generally, citations to Internet sources should include author, title, publisher, date of publication, url, and date of most recent access, if all of these are known or can be found. The publisher's name can often be found at the bottom of a web page next to the copyright information even if it does not appear earlier on the page.
Other
- The tools in the toolbox at the top of this review page find three dead links in the citations and one main-text link that goes to a disambiguation page instead of the intended target.
- It would be good to add a free-use image of Hazard if you can find one.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 17:57, 11 January 2011 (UTC)