Wikipedia:Peer review/Economy of the Empire of Brazil/archive1
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I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it has very good sourced information on this particular subject (Economy of the Empire of Brazil) and I would like to receive anyone´s contribution to improve it or suggest that it should become a featured article if good enough.
Thanks, Lecen (talk) 23:19, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
Note: Peer review rules clearly state that editors are limited to one nomination per day. This is a second nomination for 15 June. Please bear this rule in mind when making future nomnations; PR s a pretty crowded place at the moment. Thanks, Brianboulton (talk) 07:54, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
Ok so I've never done a peer review before; hopefully this helps at least a little! Obviously, feel completely free to completely disregard my suggestions. Bsimmons666 (talk) 01:00, 20 June 2009 (UTC) Lead
- "independent" could be linked to Brazilian Declaration of Independence
- Empire of Brazil should definitely be linked to somewhere in the intro too
- [1] [2] --> [1][2]. No spaces between footnotes
- "imperial State" - should imperial be capitalized? I doubt it, but just throwing it out there
- "memorable system of ports" - memorable?
- "after-Independence period" - post-Independence?
- I don't know how you could fit this in the lead, but I think it would help me at least to say when the Empire of Brazil was replaced by the current Republic of Brazil, especially because you start discussing the República Velha later in the overview section
Economy Currency
- Currency section doesn't have a reference, probably doesn't need one, but just making sure you know
- "The unit of currency under the empire (and until 1942)" - 'empire' should be capitalized to maintain consistency with the rest of the article
Overview
- With all the numbers presented, you could consider a 'table if you believe that would improve the article and present the information more easily. Some of the other Economic history articles have tables if you want to look at them for examples
- "The first railroad with only 15 kilometers was opened in April, 30, 1854[15] when many European coutries did not have one."
- Not very clear.
- "In 1868 there were 718 kilometers" --> there were 718 kilometers of railroad tracks?
- "The first republican Government disastrous financial policy"
- If 'Government' is capitalized, should 'republican' be as well?
- Government's disastrous
- The paragraph on the economy under the republican government - unsure about this, but maybe you should put that under a new heading at the end or something? Because it really isn't about the
economy of the Empire of Brazil, right?
Agriculture
- "agriculture was carried through" --> produce was transported by?
- "The great distances that raised the cost of the transport" -->
that - "In the southeastern region, the coffee production that at the beginning of independent Brazil amounted to only 3% of exports, started to become" - no need for a comma I believe
- "more and more important" --> more important
- "At the coffee plantation regions, the producers had carried through the transition of the enslaved man power for the paid one" - awkward
- "The province of São Paulo was the one that better reached success at this field" --> The province of Sao Paulo had the most success in this field?
- "when the Rio Branco cabinet fixed in 40% the custom house tax" --> fixed at 40%
- "of which would come to stimulate" -->
of - "One could cite the birth" - awkward
- "The extinction of the traffic in Negro slaves" --> African slaves
Overall
- Don't put spaces between consecutive footnotes
- Cities and towns could be linked more
- Side note: you could incorporate some of the info from this article into History of the Empire of Brazil
- I would really recommend a table for all those figures if you can figure out a way to organize the info
- Fantastic job overall! (PS: Get yourself a userpage!) Bsimmons666 (talk) 02:21, 20 June 2009 (UTC)
Answer to first review
[edit]*"independent" could be linked to Brazilian Declaration of Independence
Done!
*Empire of Brazil should definitely be linked to somewhere in the intro too
Done!
*[1] [2] --> [1][2]. No spaces between footnotes
Done!
*"imperial State" - should imperial be capitalized? I doubt it, but just throwing it out there
Done!
*"memorable system of ports" - memorable?
Removed "memorable".
*"after-Independence period" - post-Independence?
Done!
*I don't know how you could fit this in the lead, but I think it would help me at least to say when the Empire of Brazil was replaced by the current Republic of Brazil, especially because you start discussing the República Velha later in the overview section
I added the line "[that began at the end of 1889]" later, when the Republic is first mentioned.
*Currency section doesn't have a reference, probably doesn't need one, but just making sure you know
This section exists only to explain how Brazilian currency worked. It´s uncommon to see a 100$000 instead of $100,000.
*"The unit of currency under the empire (and until 1942)" - 'empire' should be capitalized to maintain consistency with the rest of the article
Done!
*With all the numbers presented, you could consider a table if you believe that would improve the article and present the information more easily. Some of the other Economic history articles have tables if you want to look at them for examples
Done!
The first railroad with only 15 kilometers was opened in April, 30, 1854[15] when many European coutries did not have one." Not very clear.
Changed to: "The first railroad line with only 15 kilometers was opened in April, 30, 1854[15] when many European coutries did not have one"
"In 1868 there were 718 kilometers" --> there were 718 kilometers of railroad tracks?
Changed to: "In 1868 there were 718 kilometers in railroads lines[17] and by the end of the Empire in 1889 it grew to 9,200 kilometers while another 9,000 kilometers were under construction"
If 'Government' is capitalized, should 'republican' be as well?
Done!
Government's disastrous
Done!
The paragraph on the economy under the republican government - unsure about this, but maybe you should put that under a new heading at the end or something? Because it really isn't about the economy of the Empire of Brazil, right?
Because it is no really getting into the Republican Economy. It is like a "Conclusion". It is just to mention that the anarchy during the First Republic hampered Brazil´s growth and to understand why the country would only become once again an international player much later during the 1970s.
"agriculture was carried through" --> produce was transported by?
Changed to "agriculture was done by the producers themselves".
"The great distances that raised the cost of the transport" --> that
Removed "that".
"In the southeastern region, the coffee production that at the beginning of independent Brazil amounted to only 3% of exports, started to become" - no need for a comma I believe
Removed both commas.
"more and more important" --> more important
Done!
"At the coffee plantation regions, the producers had carried through the transition of the enslaved man power for the paid one" - awkward
Changed to: "At the coffee plantation regions the producers made the transition from the enslaved man power to the paid one"
"The province of São Paulo was the one that better reached success at this field" --> The province of Sao Paulo had the most success in this field?
Changed to: "The province of São Paulo was the one that better reached success as it went from the old slavery economic system to the modern capitalist economic system"
"when the Rio Branco cabinet fixed in 40% the custom house tax" --> fixed at 40%
Done!
"of which would come to stimulate" --> of
Removed "of".
"One could cite the birth" - awkward
Changed to: "One of the main establishments created at this period was the metallurgical factory "Ponta da Areia" ("Sand Tip"), in the city of Niterói"
"The extinction of the traffic in Negro slaves" --> African slaves
Done!