Wikipedia:Peer review/Eazy-E/archive1

Eazy-E

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm hoping to nominate it for FA and I think it needs a lot of work. I believe it is fairly close to FA, but I believe it needs some copyediting.

Thank you, CrowzRSA 00:25, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

1. I think the lead needs some work. The main issue I see with it is that it has too many fine details that are more or less repeated later in the article. For example, this: Wright was born to Richard and Kathie Wright in Compton, California. After dropping out of high school in the tenth grade, he supported himself primarily by selling drugs. should be trimmed down a bit. You could just say he was born in Compton, and after dropping out of school, started selling drugs before becoming a rapper. Same thing with the part about Dr. Dre trying to get out of his contract. The part about Suge Knight seems like too much for the lead. Also, with his influences, maybe you could summarize that a bit more by saying his influences included black comedians, 1970s funk groups, and contemporary rappers, because you name all the names in the musical influences and style section. You might be able to fill in lead space with other details instead.
2. In the death and legacy sections, I think you may be using too many references for certain points, though I'm not sure if there's a hard and fast rule as far a limit to citations. I see numerous places where you're using three or four references for individual items. It's a bit distracting. Perhaps you could compress some of those down, and pick the best, most notable and reliable source (or two) for those points.
3. I also see that you repeat that Steve Huey quote in the lead and in the legacy section. In this case, I think using it in the lead is better, since it's a very nice summarizing remark. Maybe you could get more details in the legacy section itself, and replace that quote with another one, either from Huey or someone else. I think exact repetition weakens the impact of the article.
4. Also in the legacy section, it seems odd to point out he never won any awards or was in any movies. It just doesn't seem notable to say a musician wasn't in a movie especially.

I hope these suggestions help! —Torchiest ^talk_edits 05:34, 9 March 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for your comments, they were all helpful. CrowzRSA 00:16, 10 March 2011 (UTC)