Wikipedia:Peer review/Dunfermline/archive1

Dunfermline

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i would like to aim towards GA. The article in general needs a lot of work done which I have aware of for a while. Do you also think it would be appropriate to have a places of worship section in the article (considering Dunfermline's past)?

Thanks, Kilnburn (talk) 19:56, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is most interesting and generally well-done. It's certainly broad. It's neutral, stable, well-illustrated, and verifiable. My only concerns are with the incomplete lead and with mostly minor prose matters. I think another thorough proofreading or two would catch most of the small errors. I fixed a fair number of small things, but I see more, and I'm sure I missed others. I doubt that you need a places of worship section that's separate from the landmarks and buildings section, but you would know better than I if anything essential is missing. After a bit of work on the prose, you shouldn't have much trouble getting this to GA, methinks.

• MOS:INTRO says in part, "The lead section should briefly summarize the most important points covered in an article in such a way that it can stand on its own as a concise version of the article." The existing lead doesn't mention culture, education, transport, or governance, and thus couldn't stand alone as a concise version. This often happens because a lead that was a perfectly fine summary of an earlier, shorter version of an article says nothing about sections added later.

• WP:MOS#Dates says in part, "Dates are not normally linked." I see a few linked dates in the main text and the citations. The first one is in the "History" section: "The royal palace was also connected to the abbey and the first known documentation of the Auld Alliance was signed there on 23 October 1295."

• The convention with a series of citation numbers is to arrange them in ascending order. Thus "Royal burgh status was granted by James VI in 1588.[12][8]" should be "... granted by James VI in 1588.[8][12]" Ditto for all similar strings of citation numbers in the article.

• Date ranges take en dashes rather than hyphens. I fixed some of these, but I see others in the "Notables" section.

History

• "The first historical record for settlement in Dunfermline comes around 506 AD as a centre for the Culdee faith and the first recorded instance of the name as "Dunfermelitane" was in the confirmation charters of David I in 1128, with the form Dunfermline being officially adopted in 1609." - It's tempting to use "with" as a conjunction, but it often works less well than intended. I'd suggest looking for these in the article and trying other options to see if they work better. Suggestion for this one: "The first historical record for settlement in Dunfermline indicates that around 506 AD it was a centre for the Culdee faith. The first recorded instance of the name as "Dunfermelitane" appeared in the confirmation charters of David I in 1128, and the form "Dunfermline" was officially adopted in 1609."

• "The establishment of Scotland's only Royal Navy Dockland in neighbouring Rosyth in 1909, boosted by two world wars, led to further growth in the town becoming the area's only major employer." - Suggestion: "The establishment of Scotland's only Royal Navy Dockland in neighbouring Rosyth in 1909 and its expansion during two world wars led to further growth in the town. The Navy became the area's only major employer." Or am I misunderstanding?

Governance

• "More recently, this was replaced by a single-tier authority - Fife Council which was has been based in Glenrothes since 1996." - Typo? Also, the spaced hyphen should be replaced with "authority, Fife Council," I think.

Local government

• "Being the headquarters for the west region of Fife Council, the town still has a control administrative and planning issues which are based in the city chambers - first built between 1879 and 1881 in a blend of French, Gothic and Scots baronial styles." - Another typo? Another spaced hyphen.

Westminster and Holyrood

• "by the first past the post system of election" - This phrase should probably be explained for readers who live far from Scotland.
• "The seat is currently held by Willie Rennie for the Liberal Democrats since the result of the Dunfermline and West Fife by-election in 2006 following the passing of the previous MP, Rachel Squire" - "Death" rather than the euphemism, "passing"?
• "The seat is currently held by Jim Tolson for the Liberal Democrats." - It might be better to say "as of 2009" rather than "currently". Ditto for the Willie Rennie sentence.

Demography

• Reference numbers should be snugged up against the terminal punctuation with no space between. I fixed one of these in the earlier sections, but I see more here.

Notable buildings and landmarks

• "The United Free church in Queen Anne Street founded by Ralph Erskine, and the Gillespie church, named after Thomas Gillespie (1708—1774) are of notable since both Erskine and Gillespie were important figures in the Secession movement." - Missing word?
• Should nave, provost, and sarcophagus be wikilinked?
• "followed by the expansion of the choir with a shine around 1240" - What is a "choir with a shine"?
• The spaced hyphens should be replaced throughout with spaced en dashes, commas, or unspaced em dashes.
• "Even though, much of the castle dates from the 16th century, the plain rectangular tower is around 1500." - Suggestion: "Even though much of the castle dates from the 16th century, the plain rectangular tower was built around 1500." Since 1500 is the first year of the 16th century, I'm not sure I've got this right.

Culture

• "Many bands to come out of Dunfermline in terms of popular music such as The Skids, Big Country, Nazareth and Yoshi (Yoshi band)." - Something missing?

References

• The formatting of all of the full dates in the reference section should be consistent, either yyyy-mm-dd or m-d-y but not a mixture.
• Some of the citations are incomplete. Citations to internet sources, for example, should include author, title, publisher, date of publication, url, and access date, if all of these can be found.
• If you use p. and pp. in some places, you should stick with this format throughout rather than doing some as p and pp without periods.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk)