Wikipedia:Peer review/Drowned God: Conspiracy of the Ages/archive1

Drowned God: Conspiracy of the Ages

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've built it up from four sentences to a good article in the last month, and I have considered trying to get it to featured status. I guess I'm wondering how close it is right now, since I think I've squeezed just about everything I can out of the Internet reference-wise.

Thanks, —Torchiest ^talk_edits 16:51, 17 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I found and marked a dead link and a link that requires subscription (or login). Hyacinth (talk) 05:01, 21 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

There are a few repeated links such as Kabbalah & Ark of the Covenant. Myst-clone redirects to Myst. Hyacinth (talk) 00:07, 22 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Did the game have any influence (Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Article guidelines#Essential content)? Hyacinth (talk) 00:18, 22 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments:

"the game, by traveling": No comma needed.

"and deciding a first person adventure game would be the best way to tell the story of the manuscript." --> "deciding a first-person adventure game would be the best way to tell the story of the manuscript."

"Drowned God received mixed to positive reviews, with its concept and visuals praised, while its gameplay, audio, and puzzles were both complimented and panned by different reviewers.": I suggest instead: "Drowned God received mixed to positive reviews. Critics praised its concept and visuals, while its gameplay, audio, and puzzles were given a mix of positive and negative reviews."

"The game's concept was initially created by Harry Horse" --> "The game was conceived by Harry Horse"

"The idea for the game was based on a phony manuscript Horse": Recommend rephrasing as "Horse got the idea for the game from a phony manuscript"

"decade, until he played Myst and 7th Guest, and decided": No commas needed here.

"conspiracy theory inspired" --> "conspiracy theory-inspired" (compound adjective)

"a chamber which contains the Bequest Globe": "that", not "which"

"The player initially must enter their name": "his" or "her", not "their", which is plural but often incorrectly used as a neutral pronoun.

"based on their name": "his" instead of "their"

"called Kether and Malchut respectively, and each of which" --> "called Kether and Malchut, respectively, each of which"

"about their next task": "about his next task"

"Both masks continually refer to the player by their assigned number.": "his", not "their". And is there a citation for this?

"and each of which is named after": Remove "and"

"finds and uses Tarot cards,[10] which are used to unlock new areas and gain more information about the true history of the world." --> "finds and uses Tarot cards,[10] to unlock new areas and gain more information about the true history of the world."

Period after "a nuclear warhead"

"and is able to choose one of three endings, depending on whether they decide to enter a final doorway in the chambers of one of the two opposing groups, or enter a new central room at the starting chamber." --> "The player can choose one of three endings, depending on whether he decides to enter a final doorway in the chambers of one of the two opposing groups, or enter a new central room at the starting chamber."

"with Kether's being a technological police state, and Malchut's being a society of genetic manipulation": See WP:PLUSINGand rephrase.

Any citations for the last two paragraphs of the "Story" section?

"mid to late 1990s" --> "mid- to late-1990s"

Any citation for the end of the "Gameplay" section?

"with his primary complaint being that the game tried to be too many things": WP:PLUSING; rephrase.

It's generally a good article. The "Reception" section is especially clean. I think if you can fix up some of the issues raised above, it'll be a decent improvement. If you want to go for FA, I would recommend making it more comprehensive by putting in a section about the game's influence on other games; where does it fit in the development of its genre, or on other types of games that followed? Was it influential or was it merely a footnote in the by-then-tired adventure-puzzle genre? I hope this helps.--Batard0 (talk) 18:14, 23 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the substantial comments. I'll see if I can find anything to build a legacy/influence section. —Torchiest ^talk_edits 18:37, 23 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]