Wikipedia:Peer review/Dreaming of You (album)/archive2

Dreaming of You (album)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like the article to be a featured article.

Thanks, AJona1992 (talk) 16:45, 6 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Update I believe all copy-editing and prose concerns and issues have be addressed. Thanks to User:Bulldog73 ([1], [2], [3], [4]) and User:Diannaa ([5],[6]). If there is any other concerns please address them so I can fix them, thanks, AJona1992 (talk) 21:28, 10 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: This looks much better than it did in my previous PR, but still has a way to go before it would have a good chance of passing at WP:FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement - I will review this as I would if it were at FAC.

2 problem wikilinks that need to be fixed before FAC
one dead external link that needs to be fixed before FAC

Lead

Why is "double album in quotes? Also "like dance hall and reggae" is awkward and ungrammatical in Dreaming of You is a "double album" with previously unreleased English and Spanish language tracks that were given a Caribbean remix like dance hall and reggae.[1]
Antecedent of She is not super clear in She was the first Hispanic singer to accomplish this feat. (Selena has not been mentioned by name in this paragraph or in over four sentences)
It is also not clear to me which feat is meant in the above sentence - debuting at number 1? Selling over 331,000 units in its first week?
I do not understand what this sentence means Dreaming of You was the second-highest debut, after Michael Jackson's HIStory: Past, Present and Future, Book I.[2][3] What can be higher than debuting at Number One? There is no Number Zero on the charts ;-)
Unclear what time period this refers to (sold over 700,000 copies) - the first day? week? month? year? EMI Records believed the album actually sold over 700,000 copies, because Billboard did not include discount stores or small shops specializing in Latin music.
Thrid paragraph of the lead has a lot of issues. The previous paragraph said it was the second best debut, behind Michael Jackson, so does also telling the reader it is in the top ten debuts add anything to their understanding? Similarly we've already been told that the album set a sales record for a female pop singer on its release date, so does adding it is among the "best-selling debuts for a female artist" really add anything? If these statements do add something, why not put them closer to the previous similar statements? If not, why include them in the lead?
More on the third paragraph In July 1995 Dreaming of You joined five of Selena's studio albums that remained on the top ten of Billboard Top 50 Latin Albums.[6] I would say something like When it debuted in July 1995, Dreaming of you became Selena's sixth album in the top ten of Billboard Top 50 Latin Albums at that time. or something similar.
Lead said earlier that the album is in both Englsih and Spansih so Dreaming of You became the highest ranking Spanish language album to chart on the Billboard Top Latin Albums.[7] makes no sense
Logically this sentence seems odd Some were released in both the United States and internationally, while others were released for promotional purposes. I expected the second phrase to be about geographic locations of single releases too. By the way, aren't all singles released for promotional purposes?
Should promotional single be linked to Promotional recording?
OK, language is the most difficult criterion for most articles at FAC - this has 10 problems just in the lead, so I do not think it is ready yet (though it looks much better)

Production and development

Need to explain that this was Selena's first contract with a major record label. Prior to signing her contract with EMI Latin Records in 1989, Jose Behar, the former head of Sony Music Latin, wanted to sign Selena for a major crossover album.[8] Might note that alll her previous albums were Spanish only (?)
Explaining that Behar was the former head of Sony Music Latin is a bit confusing here - it is not clear that Behar was head of EMI Latin. Maybe something like Selena had several successful Spanish language albums on small record labels prior to signing with EMI Latin Records in 1989. Jose Behar, the head o Latin EMI and former head of Sony Music Latin, wanted to sign Selena for a major crossover album.[8]
The MOS says to use a full name the first time, then just the last name afterwards (so Jose Behar the first time, then just Behar). People known be one name (Selena) and people who sahre the same last name (like Selena's family members named Quintanilla) are exceptions to this style guide.
Who denied the crossover album request?
Need to make clear that SBK Records is sub-label of EMI Latin.
Clarify Initially Selena stated in interviews that the [crossover]] album was going to be released sometime in 1994. Following the release of Amor Prohibido [in March 1994], she stated that the album [her English album?] was still being developed.[10][12]
When was the dinner where she complained about the pressure?
Missing word Recordings for the album were different [from?] what she usually sang.[10]
Awkward - also did she record with Byrne or did he record his part by himself - sentence seems to say both Selena wrote and recorded with David Byrne for his Gospel song, "God's Child (Baila Conmigo)", her vocals were later used in the song after Byrne recorded it in Clifton, New York
Do not understand what this trying to say The composer Keith Thomas who wrote "I Could Fall In Love", never finished a second song and revealed the song's fate when he made an appearance on the A&E series, Biography which talked about Selena's life and death.[13] Which song's fate - he only wrote one and it was a huge hit? Plus Keith Thomas (producer) has written lots of songs according to his article here.

General comments

Article has several places where possessive is meant but no apostrophe is used, i.e. "albums" when "album's" is meant
Lead says it is her second posthumous album, but it is not clear from this article what the first posthumous album was
Avoid needless repetition - for example
- In "Production and development" The composer Keith Thomas who wrote "I Could Fall In Love", never finished a second song and revealed the song's fate...
- In Musical style and lyrics" "I Could Fall in Love" (an EPK) the first lead single[20] off the album Dreaming of You was written by Keith Thomas.
- Later in the same section (direct quote) Vibe editor, James Hunter, stated "Selena gives an astute, loving reading of Tennessee writer/producer Keith Thomas's song as though she recognizes the tune for the gem it is. could be pruned back to Vibe editor James Hunter wrote of I Could Fall in Love "Selena gives an astute, loving reading ... as though she recognizes the tune for the gem it is.
Similarly the "Release" section and "Commercial performance" both repeat much of the same material on sales. Does the article really need to repeat sales of 331,000 in the first week four times? (Once in the lead and once in the body is enough)
Organziation is confused in places - here is part of the first paragraph from "Release"

The album was put on hiatus due to Selena's death on March 31. The album was scheduled to be released sometime in 1994; however, it was delayed after Selena released her last Spanish language studio album, "Amor Prohibido". Jose Behar, who was the head of both Sony Music Latin and EMI Latin, told EMI Records that Selena and her band, Los Dinos, were going to "walk" and find another record company that was willing to sign Selena for a major English language album. This helped boost EMI's decision to embark Selena for her crossover album.[13] The official release of the album was July 1995, as told by Selena during a small interview on January 20, 1995.[17] Three months after Selena's death, EMI Records and EMI Latin released Dreaming of You on July 18, 1995 and it quickly debuted #1 on the U.S. Billboard 200 chart, selling more than 331,000 copies in its first week, and knocking off the Pocahontas soundtrack and Michael Jackson from the top spot.[50][51][52]

So the first sentence is her March 31, 1995 death. The next three sentences are all set well before this and are a repeat of material already stated earlier in the article. Why do they have to be here at all?
Next we are told twice (two sentences) that the album was released in July 1995 - not sure what a "small interview" is. Why not combine the first sentence and part of the second to something like 'In a January 20, 1995 interview, Selena said the album would be released in July,[17] and three months after her death, EMI Records and EMI Latin officialy released Dreaming of You on July 18.
More problems ... it quickly debuted #1 on the U.S. Billboard 200 chart... - how can something quickly debut? A debut is an even, not a process, and it happens when it happens. Second there is a missing word ("debuted at number one") Last the WP:MOS says to spell out "number" (not use #)
There is only one top spot, so how can an album knock two other albums off the top spot?
The article uses {{cquote}} but according the documentation at Template:Cquote this is for pull quotes only, and this should probably use {{blockquote}} instead.
So I think it is clear this would not pass FAC in its current state and needs a fair amount more work.
Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:09, 24 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ok I have done almost everything that you had wanted me to cleanup. However, the second posthumous album is Las Reinas Del Pueblo, released several months before Dreaming of You. This can be spot on Selena's chronology section in the infobox. Secondly, the comment that you made about the last paragraph on the lead that "aren't all singles released for promotional purposes", is true, but some had remixes (I Could Fall in Love, Dreaming of You, Techno Cumbia, I'm Getting Used to you) while others only were one-track singles (Captive Heart, El Toro Relajo", "Tú Sólo Tú, God's Child), so I don't know any other way of rewording that last para. The "Avoid needless repetition" didn't understand that one either. "There is only one top spot, so how can an album knock two other albums off the top spot?" according to Billboard the past three number-one albums, before Dreaming of You, were Cracked Rear View, Pocahontas, and HIStory. Do you want me to just say "It knocked off Cracked Rear View" off the top chart" instead? AJona1992 (talk) 16:38, 28 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Avoid needless repetition means don't say the same thing in two different sections of the article (except in the lead and then in the body). WHy does the article have to say Keith Thomas wrote the song three times? The sales figues should be in one section, not repeated and in two. This album replaced one album in the number one spot, so yes say it replaced Cracked Rear View. This album did not end Pocahontas or HIStory's stays at number one, so the article can't say that. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 00:56, 12 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]