Wikipedia:Peer review/Death of Ayrton Senna/archive1

Death of Ayrton Senna

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this article is extremely detailed and accurate. The content in the article is extremely relevent and should be applauded. Thanks, Cadan ap Tomos (talk) 14:43, 12 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. I think it needs a lot more work before it can be applauded with GA or FA status, but it is a good start. If you want more comments, please ask here.

A model article is useful for ideas and models to follow. The parent article here, 1994 San Marino Grand Prix, is FA and would make an excellent model.
As in the model and per WP:LEAD, the lead needs to be expanded. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way - there has to be more than just one sentence.
The article needs many more references. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref. Per WP:CITE references come directly AFTER punctuation (no space), and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase. Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
Quotes are too long - summarize and use quotes carefully. Also make sure refs meet WP:RS - what makes www.ayrton-senna.com a reliable source, for example?

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:48, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

4u1e comments

I'll try and get back with some more detailed stuff. I agree with everything Ruhrfisch says above, and it occured to me that the Tom Pryce article, also an FA, might be helpful as a model as well. Pryce was also killed in an accident during a race. Cheers. 4u1e (talk) 07:46, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Only another brief comment, I'm afraid: references are a real problem, especially as this is potentially a controversial topic. I would expect to see full use made of at least the following:

-Watkins, Sid (1996). Life at the Limit: Triumph and Tragedy in Formula One. Pan Books. p. 10. ISBN 0-330-35139-7. (Used only once)

-Hilton, Christopher (2004). Ayrton Senna. Osceola: Motorbooks International. ISBN 1844250962. (Not used)

-Williams, Richard (1999). The Death of Ayrton Senna. City: Bloomsbury Publishing PLC. ISBN 0747544956. (not used)

The last two appear to be the best of the many, many biographies of Senna that are out there, most of which will cover his death. They are pretty cheap online, or you could get them via your local library. Good use could also be made of the Autocourse or other season summaries for that year. Check out the WP:MOTOR library at Wikipedia:WikiProject_Motorsport/Library. Cheers. 4u1e (talk) 07:58, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Rubython, Tom (2004). The Life of Senna. BusinessF1 Books. ISBN 0-9546857-3-3. would also be a good source to use.--Diniz (talk) 08:44, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]